When struggling with hormonal imbalance, often you will having feelings of guilt and depression. Perhaps you will relate to this cycle that I went through repeatedly with my hormone issues.
Every month I determined, “I won’t let this happen again! I WON’T yell at my children and be impatient with them. I will enjoy them and do things with them. I WILL control my crying, and I WON’T get depressed! I WILL keep up with my usual schedule and routine; I WON’T give in to fatigue and take it easy.”
These were resolves I truly intended and desired to keep. Unfortunately, even though “my spirit was willing, my flesh was weak!”
The result? Guilt, guilt, guilt!
“I’m such an AWFUL mother! How could I be so harsh with my children? And my poor husband! He’d be better off without me! I’m too tired to do much –he has to do MY work at home. Then he has to put up with my irritability and tears. I’m just not a good wife or mother. And I’m CERTAINLY not a good Christian! Good Christians don’t act like THIS and they don’t get depressed. I must not be reading my Bible enough, or SOMETHING!”
These were feelings and thoughts I fought with every month. Because I WANTED to do better but couldn’t seem to, I thought I just lacked self-discipline. I needed to ask the Lord to give me strength, and then try harder. The result of continued failure led to more guilt and thoughts of being no good, which led to more depression.
Finally, I went to see my pastor. In my heart I knew he would tell me I had a spiritual problem. Surprise! Yes, he told me I had a PROBLEM – a PHYSICAL problem. And physical problems affect every other area.
He explained that IT WOULDN’T DO ANY GOOD to beat myself up, and TRY HARDER when something was wrong physically. Instead I needed to deal with the physical, and understand that the other problems were a result of it. They weren’t a lack of character, spirituality, etc. Therefore, my guilt was false.
I had not purposely chosen to do these things and didn’t WANT to be that way. My body and hormones weren’t working right. It wasn’t ME!
Wow, what a help to hear that!
So the next month when it all started again, I didn’t feel guilty. Right? Wrong! BUT, I could deal with it better, and I kept reminding myself that the problem was physical.
Also, even though I didn’t FEEL spiritual, I kept on reading my Bible and praying. Actually, at the BAD times I did more praying than anything. Sometimes I felt so bad, I’d just cry to God and ask Him to hold me and help me get through it.
I also reminded myself that my pastor had told me I was like a “wounded soldier”, and didn’t belong in the midst of the battle. That helped with the guilt of not serving in church as I once had. I needed to give the little I had to my family.
His words were, “Don’t put more pressure on yourself than GOD does.”
Those words STILL help me make decisions! Often we put pressure and guilt on our self, worrying about what others might think, or comparing our self to others, rather than asking God what HE expects of us.
If you are struggling with hormone issues (or any physical issues), remember that God knows what you are dealing with. He is there to guide and strengthen, not condemn.
Don’t put false guilt on yourself!
(Next post: How will this affect my children?)