In my last post, Are You Raising a Rebel, we talked about passive rebellion, and the importance of focusing on what is in the heart.
WHY is it important to deal with PASSIVE REBELLION?
1. When we ignore the subtle signs of rebellion that our kids show, we are teaching them to be deceptive.
When we let them get by with just “looking good” on the outside, while their heart attitude is defiant, we teach them to be deceptive and to be hypocrites. Basically, we are telling them that God doesn’t care what’s on the inside.
2. When we don’t discipline our children for passive rebellion, it often leads us to then discipline in anger.
We see things, and let them go; we threaten, but don’t do anything about it. Their behavior becomes an irritation, and finally they do one more thing, and we lose it, exploding with anger.
When you discipline out of anger like this, it MAY temporarily change their behavior, but not because they want to change their heart. Instead of focusing on what they did wrong, they tend to think “I’m in trouble because I made Mom mad.” They become people pleasers, and nothing changes on the inside; they just learn how to ACT in a way that keeps them out of trouble. We need to address the HEART issues causing the behavior, rather than controlling the behavior.
“In the big picture, all discipline is about bringing our children into a right relationship with their Heavenly Father that He might bless their lives. It’s not about controlling behavior, modifying behavior, or minimizing embarrassment. Biblically correcting your child is one of the greatest ways to win their heart to you and to God forever.” (Passionate Parenting)
3. When we correct, train, or punish only for the EXTERNAL obvious rebellion, we aren’t dealing with the SOURCE: rebellion in the heart. We are only dealing with the symptoms.
An example of this would be when I was dealing with migraines. I took Ibuprofen, Tylenol, and Excedrin Migraine for the pain. These would help temporarily, but the migraines kept coming back because I wasn’t getting to the source of what caused them. I was simply treating the symptoms, which helped only temporarily. I had to go to the doctor, and find out what was causing them, and take care of that problem.
When we just deal with the obvious symptoms of rebellion in our children, and don’t deal with the passive rebellion coming from a heart problem, our kids often develop a lifestyle of hidden sin, which turns to open rebellion in the teen years.
I said this in the last post, but will repeat it because it sums up this point.
The truth it that teenage rebellion doesn’t start at age 13. It starts much earlier, in a young child’s heart, often in the form of passive rebellion.
Don’t fall into the trap of letting “little things” go that show passive rebellion. Ask God to give you wisdom to notice it, and guide you to the heart issue you need to deal with. Don’t just manage behavior, but monitor the heart!