In my last two posts, we have covered the first 3 things that often lead kids to rebellion: Our own resistance to authority, allowing passive rebellion, and lack of training. If you missed them, you can read them here:
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Today we will be looking at the next thing on the list:
4. Improper Correction
Correction and discipline are a necessary part of the training process as we raise our children, and also a very sacred thing. We need to remember that the purpose of it is to bring our child’s heart back into a right relationship with their Heavenly Father. Often though, we are guilty of improper correction, which puts a break in the relationship, and can lead to losing their heart. Losing our child’s heart is one of the biggest things that leads to rebellion, so we must be VERY careful how we correct.
What are some forms of improper correction?
Once your kids know what the rules are, as well as the consequences for not obeying them, they need to know that those rules or consequences don’t change from day to day. It’s not fair to our kids to punish them one day for a rule they break, then let it go the next day. Enforcing rules inconsistently sets unclear boundaries, and is like giving them occasional permission to disobey. Inconsistency teaches them to take chances. If you make a rule, ENFORCE IT.
2. Embarrass them and verbally abuse them
You should never use put downs, or embarrass your kids when correcting them. Don’t be condescending, or sarcastic. Don’t discipline them in front of others, and don’t talk openly about what they do wrong. It’s important to treat them with respect, even – or especially – when we need to correct them.
3. Respond with anger when they need correction.
Constantly responding to our kids in anger is an almost SURE way to lose their heart, opening the door for rebellion to begin. We can’t expect our kids to even WANT a relationship with us, when we constantly push them away with our anger.
4. Enforce rules with discipline when you have little or no relationship with the child.
RULES WITHOUT RELATIONSHIP BREED REBELLION
When we have a good relationship with our kids, they trust that we have their best interest in mind when we have to correct them. On the other hand, if we only relate to them when they need correction, there is going to be resentment. Spending time with our kids, developing that heart tie and strong connection, opens their heart to our training and correcting.
In summary, to AVOID improper correction:
*Work on keeping a strong relationship with your kids, and keeping their hearts.
*If you tend to lash out with your words, or respond with anger when they have done wrong, check to see if you’ve been inconsistent. Often our anger is a result of letting little things go, and then we blow up. If you DO blow up at them, ALWAYS go back and apologize to them, and make it right. Affirm your love for them.
*Make sure you kids know you mean what you say, and make sure they know that you love them!
….continued in next post…..