I’ve talked with many moms who are asking “why am I an angry mom”. The truth is that Mom rage is real, the good news is there is something you can do about it.

As a parenting coach, I’m working with a couple right now who want to help their son deal with the anger that often arises when he doesn’t get his way or when he’s being asked to do something he doesn’t want to do. 

In the process of developing an “anger plan” for her son, this mom is realizing that she has an anger problem. She’s struggling to help him while she’s dealing with her own issues. She has 4 young boys and is almost always overwhelmed. She finds herself reacting to their annoying and challenging behavior with frustration and anger. Does any of this sound familiar?

Mom, Do You Have An Anger Plan?

Mom anger is a real problem. I understand parental anger because I’ve been there. I never used to think of myself as an angry person. Once my second child came along, there was no doubt that I had an anger problem. I was in the fire and I couldn’t handle the heat. One evening, I was changing the baby’s diaper and my older son was challenging me. I don’t remember the details now, but I do remember the surge of angry feelings that came over me. I was ready to explode and I didn’t know why. A number of trusted advisors encouraged me to seek out help from a counselor. That was a hard decision. But with help, it is possible to stop being an angry mom.

First, I had to admit that I had an anger problem and needed help.

Second, I had to deal with what people would think if they saw me going into the counselor’s office. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do! Somehow the Lord gave me the wisdom and the strength to go down that road.

My counselor encouraged me to embrace this journey for the sake of my children and my children’s children. I went on a journey of inner healing and heart transformation. Yes, it was hard work, but it also was one of the best things I ever did. God was with me through the whole journey and I was most aware of his presence.

An anger management plan for Mom

I’ve grown in my understanding of emotions and how to deal with them. I still struggle at times and have to learn new things or re-learn old truths. One verse has helped me more than any others. It’s Proverbs 29:11, “Don’t be a fool and quickly lose your temper – be sensible and patient.” (CEV)

I want to tell you that there’s hope. It requires some intentional and hard work and some careful examination of your heart. Emotions are good and they’re part of how God made us and how learn and grow. I’ve learned that emotions are good for identifying problems, but they’re not good for solving them.

You see, emotions are very powerful and can easily build to a point where the brain can no longer maintain a balance. Emotions actually over-ride our rational processes. That’s the point where we blow up. We need to stop this emotional build so that our brain and spirit can engage and help us determine what’s going on and then how to respond. Emotional explosions tend to do a lot of damage, especially to relationships. God wants you to do this inner work and he’ll walk with you through it.

One of the first things we need to do is to identify the early warning signs of anger or cues that emotions are starting to rise.

I did a series of 3 Facebook videos with a young man we’ll call “Joe”. In the first video, you’ll see how I work with Joe and cast vision for the character quality of “self-control.” The main Bible verse that I’ll use with Joe is Proverbs 29:11.

If you’re working on anger in your life, you’ll want to embrace this vision as well. Vision is a picture of a desired future where this character quality is strong.

Here’s the first video.

“A Father Talks to His Son About Anger”

In the 2nd video I work with Joe to identify the cues that he’s about to become angry. If you can catch the early cues, you can use a number of strategies and techniques to slow the emotional build. I’m trying to give him the tools he needs to take responsibility for his own growth and development as a man of God. I have Joe talk about the anger cues for every member of his family.

Do you know your anger cues? Watch this video. Know Your Anger Cues

If you learn to identify the cues, you can catch the anger build before you lose control. Then you can stop and ask the question, Why am I angry?”

Anger is growing in us because something is wrong. It could be something unjust or evil out in the world, or it could be in us. Often my anger has to do with my expectations or my desires. That’s another issue for another article.

The important thing is to stop the emotional build and do some introspection before you act. Once you identify the problem, then you can determine the best way to respond with the help of the Holy Spirit.

I did do a 3rd video with Joe where I help him develop his personal plan for growing in “self-control.” He and I both added suggestions for actions or strategies he can employ to slow the anger build and then use his mind in conjunction with the Holy Spirit to determine how best to respond and act. Ultimately he chooses the components of “Joe’s Plan” and I determine to assist, encourage and cheer him on.

Develop an Anger Plan

Joe is a young man that I’m mentoring in real life. He’s been working on understanding and dealing with his emotions. He’s making great progress.

You’ll want to develop your own Mom anger plan. A good plan for an adult involves more soul searching and asking the question, “Why am I angry?” May the Lord work powerfully in your life as you grow in this area.

Suggested Action: If you need more help in this area for your child, please consider working with one of our Biblical Parenting Coaches. Let us know if you want more information. Email me at ed@biblicalparenting.org or call my cell 609-203-0672 for more information. I do free consultations with parents as well.

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Ed Miller is a good friend of Dr. Scott Turansky. He and Scott have enjoyed working together, living in the same neighborhood and vacationing together with their families for almost 25 years. The two families have also worked together to develop the NCBP) over the past 20 years. He and his wife Joanne is the co-founder of Effective Parenting and have 2 adult children. Being a good parent, husband and follower of Jesus Christ are important values in Ed’s life. He also loves coaching young people, coaching sports and coaching parents!

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How do you define wisdom? I’ve often heard our pastor define wisdom as, “The ability to live life skillfully in a winsome manner.” And of course, being a word nerd, I looked up winsome. It means “attractive or appealing in appearance or character.”

What a beautiful concept. When you teach wisdom to your children, you are teaching them how to live life skillfully in a way that attracts others to their appealing character.

Just think about this: we are made in God’s image (Genesis 1:26). And as we mature, we are conformed to the image of His Son (Romans 8:29). So, that “appealing character” that attracts others is a reflection of Christ’s character.

How can we teach our kids the art of skillful living, though? God’s Word shows us. We can be intentional about teaching our children practical ways they can reflect Christ to others.

7 Practical Ways To Teach Wisdom To Your Children

Walk wisely, making the best use of the time

Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. (Ephesians 5:15-16)

Teach them to evaluate and make the best use of their time:

• Talk about priorities. Ask your kids what they think is most important in life. What do they want to do? What kind of people do they want to be? If they don’t know the answers now, that is OK, but it is important to have ongoing conversations about these topics. Their answers can direct them in deciding how and where they will spend their time.
• Evaluate opportunities together. Teach them that when we say yes to one thing, we say no to another. These can even be good things, but too many good things can keep us away from the best.
• Implement the use of a timer. Whether it is playing video or computer games, watching TV, or any other entertainment you allow, have your kids use a timer. Choose the amount of time you feel is appropriate for the age, maturity, and needs of your children and set up guidelines. Then, purchase a kitchen timer they can learn to set before starting that activity. And make them responsible for it, not you.
• Show your children how to use a planner. Even young children can start this practice by putting stickers on special days—like a planned play-date, or special event. As your children get older, teach them to write down outside commitments and decide when they will work on their assignments.
• Practice true rest in your family. Some people are energized by being around others, while some need to be alone. But Jesus provides true rest for all—no matter what personality type we are. Show your kids that rest was given by God because He knows we need it. So, each week set aside time to focus on Him. Spend a day together worshiping, spending time as a family, and doing things that provide true rest. Consider giving up electronics for the day. Take walks. Enjoy God and one another.
• Have them keep track of their activities for a week. Help them to see where they are spending the majority of their time. Ask them if how they are spending their time will get them where they want to go, to achieve the things they want to achieve, or be the person they want to be. If your teen has a smartphone, show them how they can check the battery life to see how long they have been on different apps. Many people (adults and teens) don’t realize just how much time they spend on Social Media until they see it for themselves.

How do you demonstrate wisdom?

Brothers, join in imitating me, and keep your eyes on those who walk according to the example you have in us. (Philippians 3:17)

Teach them to imitate mature Christians, those a little farther down the road.

• Spend time with people who are older. Let them really get to know older people in your life and church, learning from their experience. Have them over for dinner. Encourage your children to ask them about their life, their faith, and what God has taught them.
• Read aloud stories of missionaries. Share stories of God’s faithfulness and the persistence and faith and courage of those God called to spread His love to people all over the world. When taking a road trip, consider using audiobooks. Or if you have the chance, choose one of today’s missionaries and follow their lives through newsletters.
• Share Bible stories of both old and new testament characters. Go beyond the story and ask questions like, “What did you admire about this character? How did they show faith in God?” But don’t just share what these characters did right. Share their struggles and sins. Ask your kids “What they should have done? What would have honored God?”
• Read aloud and discuss literature that exemplifies how people can grow and change. For example, in Johnny Tremain by Esther Forbes, Johnny starts out as a young, prideful boy. But through a series of difficult events, his character is forged into humility and strength. Understood Betsy, Carry on Mr. Bowditch, and Charlotte’s Web are just a few other books rich in character development.

Teach them wise goal setting for different areas of life

Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 3:13-14)

Teach them how to set goals that honor God and how to reach them. Goals can be short term or long term. But they all need actionable steps to attain them. Children of any age can learn how to set goals.

• Help younger children to learn about setting goals by choosing one that can be accomplished in the short term. For example, children learning to read could say, “I want to read two easy readers from the library this week.” Then help them break that goal down by the number of pages they would need to read each day to do that. Give them a reward when they have done it (something personal is best—like an extra bedtime story with you).
• Talk about your own goals with your kids. Help kids understand by using examples from your life. Don’t be afraid to tell them about your failures and struggles, too. By doing this, you can teach them the importance of not giving up, and that short-term failures don’t have to keep them from long-term successes.

Teach them how to make decisions

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. (James 1:5)

Teach them how to make decisions with a confident trust in the Blessed Controller of all things.

• Start with the small decisions. Give your child a few choices about some things in their day from a young age, but don’t overwhelm them with too many. For example, you can show them a couple of shirts and ask, “Which one do you want to wear?”
• Equip them to make bigger decisions. As your children get older, they will be faced with harder and more difficult decisions. What do I want to do when I grow up? Should I go to college? If so, what will I major in?

Here’s a process you can teach your children when it comes to making bigger decisions:

1. Pray about the decision.
2. Consult Scripture. Does God’s Word give a clear direction? Is there a Biblical principle to guide the decision?
3. Enjoy freedom. If none of the choices violate a Biblical mandate or principle, then there is the freedom to choose what you want!
4. Trust that ultimately our Sovereign God is the Blessed Controller of all things.

Teach Wisdom through the right priorities

Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being, and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart. (Psalm 51:6)

Teach them to order the inner person, the heart and soul.

• Lead by example. Pray with your kids and in front of your kids. Study the Word alongside them and alone. Let them see that your faith is a priority, not an afterthought.
• Help them choose a Bible they can understand. Recently someone asked one of our pastors what the best translation was. He said, “The one you will read.” As they become older, you can teach them about the different types of translations, whether they are word-for-word or thought-for-thought. You can share what you believe to be the best one to study from (though I like to use multiple translations.) But don’t let that take away the simple pleasure of reading the Word for themselves.
• Provide other resources to help your children grow spiritually. Begin with the Bible—make a steady diet of it. After that, you can add what I call the “sides and dessert”—books, studies, and resources to help us understand the Word and its teachings. One of these was the inspiration for this point: Ordering Your Private World by Gordon MacDonald. Check it out, and read it with your teen.

Teach your child wisdom by meditating on excellent, praiseworthy things

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. (Philippians 4:8)

Teach them to renew their minds and dwell on excellent and praiseworthy things.

• Use entertainment reviews such as Focus on the Family’s PluggedIn website to help decide what you will read and watch. When my oldest wanted to see a movie we weren’t sure about, we told him to check out the review and then let us know what he decided to do. After reading about the amount of foul-language in the movie, he chose not to watch it.
• Memorize and meditate on Scripture. There is nothing more praiseworthy than The Book given to us so that we could know God and His love.
• Play praise music, hymns, and instrumental music in your home and in the car. Does that mean you and your children can never listen to anything else? I don’t think so (but listen with discernment!). However, know that with young people especially, music is a powerful tool for memorization.
• Teach them to think about truth—not what they imagine truth to be. It seems to be a part of human nature to imagine that we know what someone else is thinking. We don’t. Truth is what is real. Teach your kids to recognize the difference.

Teach them to seek wisdom

When God told Solomon to ask Him for what He should give him, Solomon replied, “Give me now knowledge and wisdom” (2 Chronicles 1:7-10).

He could have asked for anything, and yet He chose wisdom. Proverbs 16:16 says,

How much better to get wisdom than gold! To get understanding is to be chosen rather than silver.

May we seek the same.

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To help you remember these Practical Ways To Teach Wisdom To Your Children, you can download your own FREE PDF Printable here!

Kay Chance is a Jesus loving writer, photographer, and retired homeschooling mom of two (just the homeschooling part!). She blogs at Heart to Heart Homeschooling where she encourages and equips other moms to educate their children—heart, mind, and soul. Kay has a passion to help moms to take care of their own hearts so they can connect to their children. You can also find her on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.

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Why is it important to teach your child responsibility? Teaching our kids responsibility isn’t always an easy task. The older my kids got, the more I realized that having responsible kids doesn’t just come naturally. And it isn’t something that they just “pick up” either. Responsibility and accountability have to be taught.

More importantly than being taught, however, responsibility has to be practiced in order for kids to begin taking personal responsibility. You can’t just talk to kids about the concept of responsibility. Instead, you have to teach them in practical ways that gradually give them more and more responsibility as they’re capable and ready.

5 Practical Ways For Teaching Our Kids Responsibility

These are some examples of practical ways to teach your children how to be responsible and to help them practice responsibility. These are age-appropriate responsibilities that can be adapted for various stages. As kids grow and mature, the level of responsibility that you ask of them will grow as well. 

Teach kids to clean up after themselves

As a traditional school teacher in a second-grade class before I was a homeschool mom, I was always surprised at the number of children who just didn’t clean up after themselves. Children would sharpen pencils and leave the pencil shavings that fell on the floor. They would finish lunch on the playground and leave their trash on the ground. They would crumble up papers they were finished with and leave the trash on top of their desks as they left for the day.

Teaching kids to clean up after themselves is an important step in teaching them to take responsibility. It’s not an easy thing to teach. And I’ll admit that my children needed some reminding now and then. But it’s important to teach kids from early on that they need to “clean up when you mess up.”

Even toddlers can begin to learn this. Help your child throw away his trash after lunch. Have him walk with you to the sink to put in the dirty plate. As your child heads into the preschool years, teach her to clean up the toys she’s played with before she leaves the room. Teach her how to clean off her place at the table after meals.

Read: 5 TIPS FOR TEACHING KIDS RESPONSIBILITY ( & FREE CHORE CHART)

Teaching responsibility to your older elementary-aged child looks a little different. You can teach him to wash any dishes he’s used while making a snack. You can have him clean up and put away his school things after he’s finished with his school work for the day.

Teaching kids to clean up after themselves is a first step in teaching personal responsibility. It’s sending the message that the child is responsible for the things that he or she does. And that responsibility extends to cleaning up when messes are made.

Teach family responsibilities

As kids grow up, they need to see that they have responsibilities within the family structure. If you have multiple children, have older children occasionally take responsibility for helping a younger one. Our children always knew that if they were somewhere without us, they each had a responsibility to “watch out” for each other. In other words, if your sister falls down and gets hurt, you, as her brother, should be there to help care for and comfort her. Because we’re a family, and we have a responsibility to care for each other.

Another way to teach family responsibilities, especially as kids get older, is to make each child responsible for a job in the family. Assign laundry to one or two children. And really make them responsible for it. They’ll begin to see that if they don’t fulfill their responsibility, the whole family suffers.

They’ll understand that their role and responsibility in the family is important. And they’ll see that the way they handle responsibility can affect others, for good or bad.

Allow them to be responsible for a pet

I know, you may roll your eyes and shake your head because you really don’t want a pet. And sometimes getting a pet isn’t a feasible option. But, if you can do it, and not lose your sanity, a pet really does help to develop responsibility in your children.

Often this attempt at teaching responsibility fails because we try it when kids are too young. A five-year-old probably isn’t going to reliably keep up with feeding the dog no matter how hard he tries. But it is reasonable to get a dog for your middle schooler and expect him to be able to walk, feed, and water it with only a few reminders. In our family, we assign pet jobs just as we do other chores. 

Allowing kids to have a pet and requiring them to take responsibility for it can teach them that, occasionally, they need to take responsibility for something outside of themselves. If you wait until kids really are old enough to take on this responsibility, pet ownership can be a great practical way for kids to practice taking responsibility.

Teach a child to take responsibility for their actions

This one isn’t easy, friends. As a mom, I just get tired sometimes. And when I see a child who is watching a television show when I really know she should be working on schoolwork, it’s so easy to just overlook it and not deal with it. Or when I walk by the living room where a particular child should have cleaned up the game she was playing with, and yet the game is still spread out on the floor. At that point, it’s easy to just keep walking because I’m too tired to stop and deal with her. But teaching personal responsibility is so important! Holding kids responsible for their actions is crucial in teaching them responsibility.

How do I teach my child to be accountable?

If I overlook the child watching television instead of completing schoolwork, then she isn’t going to learn that she’s always responsible to complete work before leisure time. And if I walk by the mess in the living room and don’t hold that child accountable, she’s not going to learn to take responsibility to clean up after herself.

I read a quote in a book early in my homeschooling journey, and it’s always stuck with me. “Don’t expect what you don’t inspect.” I get that it’s so easy to overlook things and not hold kids accountable in the midst of the busyness and exhaustion of your days. But teaching a child to take responsibility for their actions forces them to take responsibility for what they did or did not do.

Let kids experience natural consequences

This can be a hard one! As parents, we don’t enjoy watching our children suffer. And it’s easy to step in and fix things so that kids never have to experience any negative consequences. But erasing those natural consequences prevents kids from learning responsibility.

When my kids were younger, a big problem developed every time we would get in the car to go somewhere. I’d struggle to get the toddler and preschooler in the car and buckled into car seats. I would climb into my seat to go, only to have one of my older kids stop me because he or she had forgotten something they really, really, really wanted to take. This was a problem because it usually meant me getting out of the car to go look for it and we were late to everything.

How do you teach kids about consequences?

I made a new rule. I would ask everyone inside if they each had everything they wanted to take. After that reminder, we would get into the car. If at that point, one of the older kids decided they had forgotten something, we would not go back for it. Yes, at times weeping and wailing ensued. It would’ve been so much easier to go in and get the toy. And my mama’s heart hurt for them. They were genuinely sad. But I stuck it out.

And, guess what? We rarely ever had that problem again. Because he had to face the consequences of his forgetfulness, he didn’t often forget things to take in the car. That one incident of having to face a consequence helped my son to understand that it’s important to take responsibility to get all of your things to the car when you’re headed out.

Of course, allowing kids to face consequences can change as kids grow and mature. I wouldn’t hold a three-year-old responsible for getting all of her things in the car. But as kids become more and more capable, they can be held responsible for more and be allowed to face consequences for being irresponsible.

Responsibility must be “taught, not caught,” as the traditional saying goes. Use some of these practical ideas to help your kids learn to be responsible today!

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What is Godly character and what does Godly character look like in your tween?

Parenting any age it’s easy to get lost in analyzing our children’s behavior. The tweens are no different.

Parent and child alike find themselves in an awkward stage of “is it too much or not enough?” Throw in “testing limits” and the start of hormones and we begin to see we are in new parenting territory. Soon we have as many questions as they do!

How do I deal with a tween attitude?

How can I communicate with my tween?

Why are tweens so difficult?

Those are all good things to ask, but often, we miss the most important question. How can we win their hearts for life? Hint: These ways of Building Godly Character is a huge part of this!

6 Ways to Build Godly Character in Your Tween

As tween parents, we have a great opportunity! Between the ages of 8-12, our children’s hearts are moldable. They generally care what we think. The words we speak and the values we hold dear still have meaning to them (even if they don’t always show it).

Most often we are the main influence in their lives.

But as they grow and peer influence tips the scales we begin to wonder. Is it possible for them to grow in Godly character and hold onto their hearts?

I believe with a lot of prayer, intentional Godly character building and heart strategies it is possible!

1 Tim 4:12 Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.

Today we are going to look at Ideas for Building Godly Character in Your Kids

But first, let’s take a minute to focus on Mom (I bet you don’t do that enough!)

Tween Mom Care: Take Care of Your Heart

We can’t effectively build Godly character in our tweens if we don’t first take care of our hearts. Believe me, I’ve tried! We need tons of wisdom, refreshment for our souls, and God’s strength to parent in a way that would honor Him. There is no lasting substitution. The only way to set our parenting on a firm foundation and build Godly character in your tweens is to be in God’s word and prayer.

As a busy Mom, are you worried about fitting it into your schedule? I understand! But I can’t begin to tell you how faithful He has been to lead me in the amount of time I have. If you are intentional in meeting with Him daily you will notice the difference! He is where we will find hope for the hopeless days, strength for the emotional battles and loads of grace to return to!

Find Some Tween Mom Support

Mom, we need all kinds of support! As our kids grow and change, we have to be continually learning as parents. Did you think the constant need to “figure this parenting thing out” would decrease after the baby stage? I really did! I thought at some point I would just “get it”. Yes, I was wrong 😃

It could be true for a time. Maybe you start to feel like you are getting the hang of it and then.. welcome to parenting the tweens! Thankfully we have so many resources to tap into to help us navigate things well. We can read parenting books and blog posts, listen to podcasts and ask for resource ideas in parenting groups.

We also need “been there done that” kind of wisdom! None of us can do this alone. In fact, we shouldn’t. It’s not the way God intended it! We are created for community. Find support in friendships with other Moms in Mom’s Groups and Homeschool Co-ops.

We should continue to learn by talking with each other while we’re in the trenches and praying for one another. We can come together, support and encourage one another and learn! A win-win for us all.

Tween Character Building Tips

Now that you’ve taken good care of your heart. Let’s switch focus to them. We’ll take a look at 6 Ways to Build Godly Character in Your Tween.

Pray For and With Your Tween

I can’t say this enough. Pray often. Pray together or for them when they can hear you. In public and in private. Invite them to pray with you. Just pray! It is an incredibly powerful tool.

You have a direct parenting tip line to the one who created both you and your child! Think about that. Who could know better? Praying in the tween stage is a great way to bring both of your hearts in line with God’s will. He will help you see clearly what steps to take to build His character in our children.

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 1 Thes 5:16-18

{Want some help in this area? Find out how to encourage your tween child to pray and get a FREE 30 Day Printable Prayer Calendar for them. It has verses pertaining to a lot of the struggles they are dealing with today!}

Embrace Empathy For Your Tween

Come with me for a moment.. think back to your pre-teen years. What comes to mind? Do you remember feeling awkward or unsure of yourself? What about feeling a little bit crazy when experiencing emotions for the first time? Did you ever just want someone to acknowledge your feelings or say “it’s ok?”.

Even though these years can be a roller-coaster of emotions, I want to encourage you to hang on to empathy. When we help them to understand and process their own feelings, they are more likely to show concern for other’s feelings. We can ask good questions to help them handle problems as they arise.

• How do you think that made them feel?
• What would you want someone to say to you in that situation?
• Can you think of a way to help them feel better?

Sibling squabbles and growing friendships are great areas that teach empathy to tweens.

Take Advantage of the Teachable Moments With Your Tween

This is a beautiful gift that God gives us in parenting! It’s incredibly important and often overlooked because of the busyness of life. We can be so focused on getting things done (been there) that we breeze by the opportunity.

There are many times where I have had to pray for the strength to stop and use a situation to help teach them Godly character. But my kids will also be the first to tell you I find many opportunities for teachable moments, I really love this aspect of parenting!

Here are a few things to remember about building Godly character in your tween through teachable moments:

It’s a two-way conversation. These moments aren’t forced and we aren’t preaching at them. Instead, it’s a chance to go back and forth. Take each step intentionally in your conversation. Fight against defaulting to a flurry of parenting instruction.

Build Godly Character in Your Tween as You Show Interest in Them

This one is easy and tough all in the same! In the tweens, it’s important that our kids know that we value what they value. This helps them to feel secure. It also helps keep us connected to them in these new areas that they are branching out to. They will come to us for our opinion more if we show interest in what they are interested in.

One of the biggest lies Satan loves to beat tweens and teens up with is that the parents don’t care.. or that no one really cares. Then they step out to find someone or something that does “care” about them.

The easy part is when we share interests! Keep noticing any little or big ways you share interests with your child. Try to do little intentional things to encourage it. The hard part is when their interests are not at all the same as yours. The best thing you can do in this case is listening and try to learn. You may not come to know every detail of everything they enjoy but do pay attention to knowing their favorites!

Ask questions about the things they like. Trying to find ways to incorporate it into their homeschool or their regular day is a bonus! Even asking them to share 1 random fact here and there about what they enjoy can go a long way in their hearts. They will know that it may not be an interest of yours. They will see you are showing them, genuine love, because you are choosing the person over the hobby or interest.

When we show them real-life examples of this, they will often reciprocate. They will understand that their friends may not have all the same hobbies or interests. More importantly, they will be able to show God’s love to others by coming up with ways to encourage them despite the difference!

Let Your Tween Branch Out Safely

Does this thought make you a little, nervous? It’s ok, me too! Tweens branching out safely will look different for each family. But it is a part of the tween parenting stage. In the beginning, it will be small things.

Notice when they have been diligent in an area consistently. It’s a great starting point. This can prompt you to encourage them in their progress and hand over more control in another area. This process will not only be different for each family but for each child in the family!

The exciting thing is that Godly character building can already begin to show fruit in the tweens. This is a real encouragement to parents as we know character building is a process we need to continue throughout their childhood. Building Godly character in our children can make branching out an easier process.

Be Flexible in Tween Parenting

If you haven’t already noticed there is a lot of flexibility required in tween parenting! If you try something and it’s not working, it’s ok to try another approach! Prayer is a great tool in this area. God can lead us and guide us down the different paths needed to parent our child for His glory.

Remember that building Godly character in our kids is going to start with our hearts and walk with the Lord. Following His word and His ways will overflow abundantly into your parenting! Your tween child is growing, changing and branching out. This is a beautiful thing! By making building Godly character and winning their hearts a priority, you are setting them up for the best foundation you can offer them!

If you are looking for more Tween Parenting Encouragement, I would love to have your join our FREEBIES Hub of Biblical Resources where you can download your FREE ebook, worksheets, printables, resource kit and more! Click on the picture for more information.

Joining you in the in be”tween”,

Lee

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Are you feeling like a failure as a parent? For some of us becoming a mother was natural. As little girls, we dreamed of marriage, kids, white picket fences, visits to the park, and night time snuggles. We had plenty of practice with babysitting on weekends or even watching our younger siblings so our parents could have a weekly date night. We seem to have been born to be a mom, we are nurturers who walked into motherhood effortlessly.

When You’re Feeling Like a Failure as a Parent

There are plenty of us, however, that battle with feeling like a complete and total failure as a parent. Maybe we had the same dreams but soon found out that reality looked drastically different. Somewhere between, teething, screaming babies, tantrum-throwing toddlers, emotional tweens, and unreachable teens we lost sight of that dream we once held dearly. And when this happens, you begin to feel like a failure as a mom.

Then add in homeschooling, mounds of endless laundry, breakfast, lunch, and dinner meal plan, prep & clean-up, housekeeping, unexpected sickness, lack of money, and all the other demands of life.

That’s when we begin to question our abilities to mother and homeschool. We question if we truly have what it takes to successfully raise up and teach these little gifts that God has entrusted to us. 

Why do I feel like a bad mother?

Don’t allow condemnation to take hold when it seems like everything’s falling apart. When our kids don’t grasp a new lesson right away or seem to be behind their peers, it’s ok. If someone quizzes them and they don’t have the answer don’t immediately assume you are failing your kids.

Uncertainty happens when the voices inside our heads scream that we aren’t sufficient. Uncertainty is a cousin to fear. When we try to step out in courage, fear or uncertainty keeps the “what if’s” before us.

• What if I say I can teach my kids, only to find out I really can’t?
• What if I let my child down?
• How do I know if I’m a bad mom?
• What if they don’t get into college?

If we aren’t diligent in keeping the “what if’s” in check we will find ourselves frozen in fear. 

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” II Timothy‬ ‭1:7‬ (‭NKJV)‬‬

Certainty in Christ When You’re Feeling Like a Failure as a Parent

What does God say about motherhood? When insecurity keeps us locked up in fear, certainty in our Savior is the ultimate tool to break the chains of fear that binds us. Fear says, “I can’t.” Certainty in Christ says, “I can because God is with me!”

Genuine certainty is truly “God-certainty.” It’s less about trusting ourselves as it is about having faith in what God can do through us. It’s changing the message that is replaying inside our heads from “I can’t” to “God can!”

It’s renewing our minds to His Word. The Bible affirms this in Jeremiah 17:7: “Blessed [with spiritual security] is the man who believes and trusts in and relies on the Lord And whose hope and confident expectation is the Lord.” (AMP).

Certainty follows a divine design. You and I are made to do life in relationship and partnership with our Creator. Our imperfections are covered by His Grace. When we start to see ourselves through God’s eyes, we can embrace our imperfections and begin resting wholly in His perfect Love and Grace.

This also happens when we accept who God made us to be, as opposed to regretting our identity. Uncertainty keeps us taking part in the comparison game. We’re left yearning to be like them: more inventive, more creative, more patient, more educated.

The list is endless.

Nonetheless, certainty happens as we learn to embrace our weaknesses right along with our strengths. We grow in faith through our weaknesses as we allow God to be glorified through them. We become content with who we were created to be, not who we weren’t.

Count it All Joy When You’re Feeling Like a Failure as a Parent

Each time our hopes and dreams or lofty expectations of how motherhood and homeschooling is suppose to look doesn’t mirror real life, we have a decision. To push ahead with joy or throw a carnal fit and again feel like you are failing.

How we respond to “expectation derail” is 99 percent of what the outcome will be. These moments are key to growing in Christ ourselves and also building character in our children. Slow down, take a breath and think before you react because our reaction can either make us or break us.

Anger can get set off by the simplest things when they pile up. Child A fusses every time you are working through math together,  child B won’t sit still during the read-aloud time and child C lost his shoe again and we are running late for co-op again.

But, when we are consistent with prayer and time in the Word we start to become aware of the physical and emotional cues before lashing out at our children.

What does God say about motherhood?

Where does our strength as parents come from? The strength to resist the urge comes from the moment we took to read our bible and hide His Word within the innermost parts of our hearts. The anger is a bubbling, steaming, overwhelming fury that wants to detonate accusations against our children. It is the enemy of joy, but God is there with us. His Word rises up and then joy and peace win.

Eventually, we begin to acknowledge that we are deciding how we react in the battle. We have control over the way we see things and that ultimately happiness is a choice. Contentment is a decision. This is tied in with choosing joy when the going gets tough—or when things get hard humbly count it all joy.

It is knowing that we are growing in patience and training our kids’ character when we choose joy. It’s not easy when we try to do this on our own, but with His Word stirring in our heart, it becomes so.

“My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.” –James‬ ‭1:2-4‬ (‭NKJV‬‬)

My friend, the Joy of the Lord is yours for the taking! Grab it! Hold on to it! Passionately interlace it with certainty in Christ and all those dreams you once had as a little girl, you may just see some become a reality. At the least, His peace will reign and the feelings of failure will fade.

What do you do when you feel like you’re failing as a parent?

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Forest Rose is a God Loving, Blessed Wife, & Relaxed, Eclectic Homeschooling Mama to 3 girls – 7, 9, & 11 in Fort Wayne, Indiana. She blogs at Kingdom First Homeschool and hosts a Homeschooling 101 Community on Facebook. She’s passionate about lifting moms out of the homeschooling trenches that are discouraged, overwhelmed or feeling alone or isolated. Her hope is to point them to Christ and equip them to rise up with a new found hope and joy within that He alone can provide.

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Teaching gratitude to kids starts with our own attitude. The absolute best way to instill grateful hearts in our children is by example. Whether it is showing and feeling gratitude towards another person or towards God, there are small (and big) ways we can do so. This starts in the heart, our own heart. The following is not an exhaustive list, but rather a starting point. This is how we can both learn and teach gratitude in our homes.

How To Teach Gratitude To Your Kids

Teaching Kids to be Thankful

Simply said, give thanks. This may be the most obvious thing we can do, but can often be overlooked in our busy lives. In prayer and out loud, express thanks to God for everything! You can do this at the dinner table when saying ‘grace’ and when you say bedtime prayers, of course.

Gratitude During Activities For Kids

Give thanks as you are doing activities throughout the day. Express gratitude in unplanned and random moments as well! Thank God for the joy in your day, the strength He has given you, the child at your side. Let them give thanks for playing, working, and resting as well. Your children will learn to see blessings in the ordinary and to Whom thanks is owed.

Express Gratitude Regularly

Always say “thank-you”. Again, an obvious but important way to teach our children gratitude. Say “thank-you” to them and others around you for acts of service. Children need to know you appreciate them and are thankful for them. When they know you are grateful for them (and their efforts) it will help them to see the importance of having (and showing) gratitude towards others.

Show Gratitude in More Than Words

Show thanks to others for their kindness towards you and your family. By “show” I mean take the time to show gratitude with more than just words of thanks. Bake a cake to bring to them as a gift of gratefulness. Help others in their time of need. Handwrite personal notes of gratefulness and mail them to those who have blessed you. Include your children and let them take an active role in the gratitude you/they have for others. Taking the time to serve others because you are thankful for their presence in your life shows gratitude from the heart.

Thankfulness Activities

Actually count your blessings. Intentionally point out blessings throughout the day. Literally spend time with your children counting everything you are thankful for. Go so far as to have a ‘gratitude journal’ that you have handy every day to jot down blessings that either you or your children think of. Take it out every so often and read the blessings you have recorded to remind them and yourself of how blessed you are. Then practice the above steps of giving thanks to God, saying “thank-you” to your children, and showing gratitude to others.

Instilling Gratitude Habits: Practice Gratitude Today

• • Pray out loud with your children expressing gratitude to God for His grace and for your children. Get specific, what is it about your children you are you most thankful for?
•  
  • Use words to let your children know when you are grateful for their efforts – say “thank-you” often!
•  
  • Use actions to show gratitude to your children and others. Do something kind and unexpected for your child (help them with a chore, invite them to spend time with you doing something they enjoy).
•  
  • Let them know you wanted to show them you are thankful for them. Talk about how someone has blessed your family and how you want to return the favor and then excitedly choose an act of service you can do as a family to show gratitude!
•  
  • Write it down! Use a blank notebook, a special gratitude journal, or sign up to receive the printable journaling pages in this post. Practice gratitude while recording blessings big and small that you and your children discover throughout the day.

Parenting is hard work, but it provides us with a lot of opportunities to learn and grow as God’s children while raising children for God. Read more parenting articles full of practical tips & encouragement for your parenting journey at my blog. 

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Clarissa R. West is a Christian, Wife, Homeschool Mom to 7 Children with Medical & Special Needs, Grieving Mom to 1 Child in Heaven, Homemaker, and Writer. You can find her at ClarissaRWest.com sharing practical tips & encouraging others to count blessings, seek joy, and find strength in Jesus. FREE CHARACTER LESSONS Sign Up and receive our special subscriber freebie: 4 WEEKS OF CHARACTER LESSONS Email*

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There came a time in my life when I left my ‘real job’ in order to focus more on my kids. Leaving was an incredibly difficult decision, since the company I left sincerely cares and very generously rewards a good work ethic. My job was not hard, by any means, however, it required accuracy, consistency, and the ability to work without a boss looking over your shoulder.

I worked from home for 6 years. No boss to make sure I wasn’t surfing the internet, or texting, or snacking while I was supposed to be working. I was after all in the privacy of my own home. However, I learned to work hard even when someone wasn’t looking at a very young age.

How do you teach good work ethic?

I don’t say this to receive accolades or praise for myself, however, I do thank my mother for promoting great character in our home. My three sisters and I were raised by a single mother, who often worked two and even three jobs at a time to make ends meet. She worked hard, and her consistent dedication instilled a good work ethic in all of us.

My children’s father too came from a hard-working household. Since both mom and dad were often at work, many of the household responsibilities fell on him. There are two ways we can look at these situations. We can say “poor us, our parents should have been around more”, or we can say “we learned valuable lessons, that prepared us for the real world”.

5 Specific & Practical Ways to Teach Good Work Ethic

1. Teach Responsibility to Your Kids

As my husband and I became parents, we quickly realized that the benefits of teaching a good work ethic early. This would end up being extremely rewarding. We implemented a chore system and trained our children to participate as young as 2 years old.

Don’t get me wrong, my two-year-old was not expected to make dinner, or vacuum the living room; but she was expected to pick up her toys. She also learned to collect and place everyone’s shoes in a single pile, and to keep the remote control in a box on a bookshelf.

Teaching our children to be responsible for specific tasks doesn’t take a whole lot of work, especially when we start young. However, it does require consistency.

2. Teach Your Kids a Sense of Ownership

Yes, it’s far easier and quicker for mom or dad to pick up scattered toys, but this hinders the child’s sense of ownership of the task. Believe it or not, young kids long for independence and to be active contributors in the home.

Just think of how many times your toddler has uttered the word “mine”. Or how many times she’s demanded you look at her when she’s discovered a new skill. Or interrupted a conversation you were having with another adult. They want to be involved, so let them.

3. Self-Discipline Needs to be Taught

This is probably one of the most difficult skills we can teach our children. I ordered a case of disposable coffee cups last Wednesday night. Per my Amazon Prime membership, they would arrive Friday evening. I was shocked to find the box had been delivered early Thursday morning. No more than 8 hours from the time my order was placed. Thanks to online services like Amazon, there’s no need to wait for anything because no matter what we want, it’s at our fingertips.

Your kids and mine, are growing up in an era of instant gratification, and the act of waiting has become a lost art. If there’s no need to wait, why should you?

Teddy Roosevelt once said: “Nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing, unless it means effort, pain, difficulty…”

So how can you teach your child to have a good work ethic through self-discipline?

You do so by setting goals, benchmarks, standards. Set reasonable expectations, based on age and ability. I’m not talking about a reward system where the child gets something in exchange for something else. Instead, teach your child that simply completing a task is a reward in itself.

The rest of Teddy Roosevelt’s quote is as follows: “I have never in my life envied a human being, who lead an easy life. I have envied a great many people, who led difficult lives, and led them well.”

Teach your child to live life well.

4. Teach Time Management

Think of how much time you’ve spent on social media alone this past week. If you jotted down the length of time you deviated from what you were supposed to do, to check on your social accounts; you might be appalled. I know I was. Sure, I can make excuses and say that social media is part of my business, however not all my time on Facebook is spent on making business contacts.

Numbers 3 and 4, go hand in hand. Good work ethic taught through time management skills matches perfectly with self-discipline.

When my son was 5, and deep in the Pokemon phase (late 90’s), we set specific times for card trading, and video game playing. After many weeks of being completely consumed by the Pokemon phase, he realized he hadn’t read a single book. He hadn’t gone to the playground with the intention of just playing hide and seek. It was then when he learned to manage his time wisely. Sit with your child, and together set a healthy time expectation for hobbies and goal completion.

5. Kids Need to be Taught Failure

The word adulting lists 6,610,000 search results. The urban dictionary, defines it as: Being a responsible adult. Used by immature 20-somethings, who are proud of themselves for paying a bill.

Paying a bill is not something you should be rewarded for, but something you are expected to do. In fact, it is something you-get-to do. However, far too often, parents rescue their adult children from all situations, like by paying their bills. Helicopter parenting is crippling. 

Failure is critical if we are to grow. “Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.” – Robert F Kennedy

Teach your child that failure is expected and that when it comes he can get up, and try again.

A good work ethic doesn’t develop overnight. It is to be encouraged and worked on overtime. It is to be demonstrated and lived out by parents who wish to raise responsible and caring adults.

What are some practical ways you can teach good work ethic?

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Tatiana Adurias: I’m a Bolivia native who lives in Sunny California. I’m a proud mom of six. Yes they’re all mine and sometimes I wish I’d had a few more. I’m a homeschool mom, writer, aspiring apologist, bibliophile, and compulsive organizer. I’m passionate about inspiring, encouraging and equipping mothers to raise children who love Jesus. I write about motherhood and homeschooling (following the Charlotte Mason philosophy) and organizing. Connect with me at Purposeful Motherhood.

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A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls. – Proverbs 25:28

Self-control is an important part of being a functional and thriving adult in this world. It’s necessary for employment, successful relationships, and one’s walk with Christ. It’s certainly something we want our children to learn, so teaching children self-control is very important.

But how do you teach a child self-control?

Self-control simply means practicing control over our actions, emotions, and thoughts so we can make wise choices. Of course, self-control is a fruit of the Holy Spirit and is something that we can see growing in our children as they continue to grow in the Lord. There are some basic principles, practical activities, and simple lessons that will help us teach children self-control in a way that sets them up for success.

Self-Control: Practicing control over our actions, emotions, and thoughts so we can make wise choices.

Here Are 7 Practical Tips for Teaching Children Self-Control

1. Identify Disobedience Vs. Childishness

Although this may not be something you need to point out to your child, it’s important as a parent to realize that self-control issues can be behaviors that are simply childish OR they can be behaviors that are willful disobedience.

Childish behaviors need instruction, patience, and wisdom as we consider their maturity level. Willful disobedience requires all that as well as clear expectations and effective consequences. Either way, you’ll want to take those opportunities to teach them better choices and instruct them in self-control.

In both scenarios, we want our children to stop and think through choices before acting, considering the wisdom of the instruction they have received. This is hard for adults, let alone children! It takes practice as our children build the habit of self-control with the help of the Holy Spirit.

2. Teach the Why’s and How’s of Self-Control

Your kids need to know that God wants us to develop the habit of self-control and learn what the Bible says about it. Proverbs 25:28 says that “a man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.”

We leave ourselves open to sin and calamity when we don’t practice self-control! This is easy for kids to see when you talk about discipline and consequences.

Here are more scriptures about self control to consider:

• 1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.
• Galatians 5:22-23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.
• 2 Peter 1:5-7 For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love.

How Do We Practice Self-Control?

Stop and think! Learning to pause before acting or speaking is possibly one of the hardest parts. But remind them to stop and think before they react to an injustice, a difficult situation, or a temptation. It’s the perfect time to recite the memorized verses together until they can do it themselves.

Pray for God’s Help! Teach them to pray silently or out loud and ask God to help them know what to do and give them the strength to do it!

3. Talk Through or Act Out the Process of Practicing Self Control

One thing that is a HUGE help in my home is to practice TOGETHER what we should do when we’re faced with a hard situation and need to practice self-control.

During family dinner some night, talk about what self-control is and how to practice it. Then play the “What if” game, going through each scenario below and talking about (or even better, acting out) the self-controlled response vs. the out of control response. Be sure you parents get in on it, too!

Come up with a list of your own based on your child’s current experiences and struggles. Here’s a good place to start:

• What if your brother hits you and a parent didn’t see it?
• What if you see candy on the counter and nobody is around?
• What if the timer goes off for screen time ending but mom didn’t hear it?
• What if you’re halfway done with math but you’re tired of it and want to play?
• What if your brother is getting mad at you making faces but it’s still kind of funny?
• What if you’re losing a game and you feel like it’s not fair?
• What if you are sharing pie with your siblings and there’s just one big piece?
• What if the line for the game opens up and you really want to be first but so do all the other kids?
• What if the Sunday school teacher asks what happened and you’re worried you’ll get in trouble? What do you say?

4. Coach Them in the Moment

As you go through your day, be looking for situations where you can speak to your child’s heart about self-control and remind them of the things you’ve been learning together.

Remind them of the practice you’ve done or make a mental note to practice this scenario during the next family meal. When they get it wrong, just say “let’s try that again using self-control!” Then allow them to back up and “do over” their reaction.

5. Set Them Up for Teachable Moments

Play fun games and provide teachable moments that help them practice their self-control muscles in a safe environment!

Here are some ideas:

• Go to the store and remind them to use self-control, not asking for or touching anything without permission.
• Play a family board game and remind them about self-control in playing and any frustrations they encounter.
• Play a game like freeze tag, the quiet game, or red light green light and talk about how they practice self-control over their bodies.
• Use blanket time for young children and solo quiet time for olders where they are to stay on a blanket or in a room quietly for short periods of time, slowly adding to that time as they learn self-control.
• Give them a few candies before starting a short lesson and tell them that if they wait until the end of the lesson to eat them, they’ll get even more candies! (bonus if it’s a lesson of self-control)
• Teach them to do their work before they play. This is particularly helpful for getting chores and homeschooling done diligently.
• Work on good habits with a focus on self-control and making wise choices

6. Praise and Reward Overall Progress

Giving them treats and rewards for every demonstration of self-control provably isn’t a good idea. But what we’ve found incredibly effective is rewarding overall progress.

So, if a child begins to show marked improvement in being able to exercise self-control in general, or for a particular challenge they had been struggling with, reward them for the growth in character you see! Special dates with mom or dad, extra privileges, or a contribution toward something they have been saving for are all good choices.

7. Make self control a Family Affair

Working together as a family on self-control makes it stick even more! Share with your children what YOU are practicing and praying about in this character quality. Invite them into your Bible studies on that topic and share what you’re learning. We can point ourselves and our children to Christ for a lasting impression of genuine godly living!

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Tauna is a Jesus follower, wife, mom, [domestically challenged] homemaker, homeschooler, and writer. Her passion is to help women pursue God’s call on their lives (no matter the learning curve) and rely on Him to equip us for the task! You’ll find her at ProverbialHomemaker.com, bringing you encouragement and tools for your journey.

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Staying patient and calm when your children are misbehaving is hard! There is nothing more irritating than listening to one of your kids taunting, teasing,  or picking on a sibling. Or doing something that you expressly told him not to do. Oh and don’t forget the times when you give an instruction that is totally ignored as soon as your ‘rebellious one’ is out of earshot. Or maybe for you, it’s the rolled eyes, whiny voice, or messy room that puts you over the edge.

If you find your blood pressure is rising, your lips getting tight and you’re mentally winding up to let them have it, you are not alone. I’ve been there and so many others.

6 Secrets For Staying Patient & Calm When Your Children Are Misbehaving

How do you stay calm when a child is misbehaving? To keep from losing it, I’m going to let you in on six secrets for staying patient and calm that have served me well over the homeschooling and mothering years. I hope they’ll help you, too.

Keep in mind with all of these things that as parents, it’s vital that we train ourselves to focus on the big picture. Yes, we are mired in the little things and the day-to-day. But we have to remember that we are discipling our children every day. We are raising them to be godly generations that honor the Lord. We are their models.

We are also sinners, just like them. But as daughters of the King, we have been forgiven.

No matter how many times we mess up and struggle with impatience, organization, balancing our roles and workload – we are enough in God’s eyes, just as we are. We can’t perform any better to make God love us any more than He already does.

Keep that in mind and it will automatically help you have the right frame of mind when dealing with your children. You can learn to extend to them that same grace. Preach the gospel to yourself regularly, as well as to your kids.

Ok, back to how to stay calm with your child. Here are the secrets I promised from almost 30 years of mothering and over half as many homeschooling:

Stop and address the difficult behavior

Don’t wait until you are about to explode before you do something about a misbehaving child. It took me the longest time to figure out that when I was angry, it was generally because I was no longer in control. (I’m talking about with younger children here.) I would get angry because my child had taken the reigns. For that moment in time, he or she was calling the shots. (Uh…no.) Not the way it is designed to be.

Even when you are busy teaching a math lesson or trying to get a meal on the table, learn to stop and deal with the difficult behavior. A little problem, while you are still calm and in control of your emotions, is more easily controlled before it becomes a bigger problem.

Implement calm parenting techniques

Do everything you can to remain a calm parent. Practice calm parenting techniques when you are not upset and implement them when you are. These are a couple of go to’s:

• Pray
• Take ten slow, deep, extend-your-belly-breaths
• Walk outside for a bit

Put into practice whatever it takes to help you speak calmly and quietly rather than ranting and raving. By doing this,  you will de-escalate the situation instead of ramping it up. When you react peacefully and calmly, your children feel more secure and can calm down more easily as well.

Remain calm and assess the situation

Take a step back and use this little formula I just made up

• Remove your child from danger or Redirect your toddler from doing something harmful.
• Distract your toddler. For example, distract away from an electrical outlet. After a firm “no”, then redirect her attention elsewhere.
• Stay calm. Use your inside voice. Take a few minutes and talk with the offender to find out what’s going on with your misbehaving one.

Look what’s behind the difficult behavior

Sometimes kids don’t even mean to be misbehaving. They are tired, hungry or they need attention. This is generally applicable to younger children, but it can even apply to older ones.) Hopefully, by the time they are in elementary school, they’re actively learning to be aware of how they are feeling. You want them to be able to tell you about it rather than just acting out. (“Use your words!”)

Calmly ask them a few questions about how they are feeling. You might be surprised at how simply a problem is solved and things can return to a more peaceful state.

When I had an infant and a 3.5-year old I remember my oldest sometimes getting into things. I finally figured out that she needed a little attention. I taught her to tell me that when she was feeling that way and it made all the difference!

Being able to dialogue about it helped me to stay patient and calm and respond appropriately. Even if it was just with a quick hug, it helped her to understand that I still loved her. She learned that sometimes she had to wait just a bit before I could spend more time with her.

Help your children recognize how they are feeling and give them the words to express it

This is truly a gift that will relieve everyone’s stress. It will draw you closer, and will be like money in the bank when your child becomes older. You will have tools for staying patient and calm during those more complicated issues of middle school and beyond.

Maybe a sullen child in the afternoon is reacting to a harsh comment from the morning. Perhaps this needs to be addressed and apologized for, but you might never know this unless you ask. And by the way, you will be doing a lot of apologizing during your homeschool years. This is a good thing! Humbling yourself and being honest about your own mistakes is about the best modeling your child can receive!

The best time to extend grace to your children is when they don’t deserve it

Please hear me now – I am not suggesting that you overlook misbehavior.  Don’t tell your child you forgive him before he’s admitted his fault and asked you to. I’m just saying that in the heat of the moment, it’s better to let a child (especially an older one) stew a little bit on their own. This can be much more effective than meeting her poor tone of voice with a “how dare you talk to me that way?” Even though you would like to and think she deserves it.

Let everyone simmer down, and then talk to her about it. You are still dealing with the situation. You are just waiting until everyone’s emotions aren’t on red alert. Waiting often solves that problem.

Sometimes, waiting instead of reacting results in an even better outcome. A tender-hearted child may end up coming to you and apologizing for the infraction without you needing to say a thing. Let her conscience work on her first.

How to stay calm in stressful parenting situations

Being a mom, especially a homeschooling mom is not an easy task. But take the long view. Keep in mind that these years really go by pretty quickly. This will help you commit to staying patient & calm when your children are misbehaving. You can do it! Not perfectly, but as you practice these skills, you will get better.

Need more parenting help and practical tips? Check out these books:

• Shepherding a Child’s Heart, by Tedd Tripp
• Overcoming Fear, Worry and Anxiety: Becoming a Woman of Faith and Confidence, by Elyse Fitzpatrick’
• Making Children Mind without Losing Yours, by Dr. Kevin Lehman

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Carole P. Roman Books

Carole P. Roman is the award-winning author of over fifty children’s books. Whether it’s pirates, princesses, and spies, or discovering the world around us, her books have enchanted educators, parents, and her diverse audience of children. From toddler to teen, Carole has a book for everyone to enjoy and learn.

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This is a guest post written by Dana Wilson of Train up a Child Publishing. Mom of young adults, Dana learned a lot, mostly about herself, by homeschooling from Kindergarten through High School. Now she offers literature-based, Charlotte Mason-inspired homeschool curriculum as well as a helpful hand to homeschooling mommas through the Train up a Child Publishing blog. Drop in and say hello there or on her Facebook page.

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