Most moms I know, including myself, would make great professors. We’re naturally skilled in the art of lecturing. The words flow effortlessly and profusely from our mouths, especially when we perceive a character flaw in our youngster. In all that, however, we aren’t growing character with teachable moments as well as we could!

Take the recent “Episode of the Dirty Socks.” I have this thing about dirty socks going in the laundry basket. My boys, in particular, really know how to dirty up a sock! The expansive muddy swamp near our home does nothing but contribute to our laundry horrors.

After multiple incidents picking up the slimiest socks in existence, I was fired up. I lined up my boys and, believe me, they got quite the earful about the importance of keeping their dirty socks off the carpet. They were told again how to properly dispense them into the dirty laundry basket. I gave all the reasons in the book about protecting the carpet, the difficulty of stain treating the carpet, the value of keeping those dirty socks put away, and the need to avoid spreading germs. I really was on a roll.

How To Grow Character With Teachable Moments

Since this episode had really inconvenienced me, I felt it really was a good time to launch into teaching some valuable character lessons.

• I correlated the effects of boys who pick up their dirty socks with men who can hold down a job and be effective in their careers.
• A federal case was made by me for the fact that no woman is going to marry a man who throws his dirty socks on the floor, especially not slimy ones!
• Expounding on the importance of initiative, I focused on taking care of one’s socks and the beauty of orderliness. I also expressed the need to show consideration for others.

I finally took a deep breath, satisfied that I had made my point loud and clear, and proceeded on my day.

And all my effort in teaching character was completely ineffective.

Socks ended up on the floor less often, but I had lost the ears of my boys. What I didn’t realize is that they had tuned me out five minutes into my carefully worded monologue.

Let Your Speech be Accompanied with Grace While Growing Character

About this time our family was working on memorizing a passage from 2 Peter 3 with all of its lists of qualities to add, and this verse jumped out to me: “For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.” (vs. 8, ESV).

I was in a place of really feeling ineffective. And these words crept deep into my heart. I desperately wanted my knowledge of the Lord to flow into the way I mother. I started being more attentive to the qualities in 2 Peter 1, and sought to include them in the way I related to my children.

In essence, I started looking for how to grow character with teachable moments.  

I sought to stop reacting and started to apply faith, virtue, knowledge, self-control, steadfastness, godliness, brotherly affection, and love to the conversations I had with my children. In my search for effective communication of godly character, I began to see such good results. The conversations I had with my sons and daughters were fruitful when I wasn’t in a confrontational mode.

I’ve learned to take advantage of a positive moment – a cheery moment when the sun is shining, and you’ve just pulled fresh baked cookies out of the oven. Proactive instruction will bear godly fruit that far outweighs a negative approach to instruction. Yes, sometimes we need to find a teachable character moment in a disciplinary situation, but the positive training should be happening much more frequently.

With that cookie in hand, when mom is relaxed, and a child is receptive, discussions about honesty, truth, personal responsibility, kindness, integrity, generosity, repentance, etc., can be shared in a more meaningful, interesting, and concise way.

Once a child knows what is right and wrong (having been instructed in a positive teaching moment), long-winded lectures, droning on and on, will not help the child to behave more positively. Once clear boundaries of behavior have been established, a parent can simply implement corrective discipline (for the good of the child) without resorting to theatrics and emotional outbursts.

What are examples of teachable moments?

You as a parent are teaching far more through your own actions than you are with your words. If you are behaving badly, that will be what your children will remember. They will not remember the words of instruction that are coming out of your mouth. If you want to teach your children about godly character, the first step is to allow the Lord to work those lessons out in your own life. If you want your children to learn about patience and kindness, you have a blessed opportunity to teach it to them through your own example.

While no parent is perfect, we need to demonstrate to our children that we are continuing to grow and learn ourselves. When we blow it, we should confess our fault to our children. Our example of humility will help them to learn to be humble themselves when it is their turn.

Most of all, remember to pray for your children. Ask God to change their hearts, and draw your children to Himself. It is ultimately God who will grow their character with teachable moments. When He has captured their hearts that they will have the desire to do the things that please Him. Demonstrate joy and gratitude to the Lord as you live each day before your children. May our Lord continue to teach us each how to become less like our own fleshly tendencies, and more like our humble and gracious Savior.

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Brook Wayne and her husband, Israel, are thankful to be the parents to nine children. Brook is the co-author of the book “Pitchin’ A Fit!: Overcoming Angry and Stressed-out Parenting,” available from  Family Renewal.

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For the last month, we have seen SO many fantastic posts on building character in our kids! What a blessing to have these kinds of resources to draw from. Now comes the hard part:  putting the things that we know we need to do into action, and setting the example in character training.

Character building sounds like an excellent idea because it is. But the reality of it can be a little daunting and the biggest surprise can be how much time it takes! So let’s pause for a bit and talk about the time element.

We live in a world that is moving perpetually faster and faster. So much of what we do takes less time than ever. We have phones that help us communicate at warp speed and get information to us quicker than ever. That can be good, but there are definitely some huge downsides to it. I’d like to talk about just a couple of those and how they affect our efforts to train our kids in good character. First of all, because we CAN have so much so quickly, we adults tend to be much less patient.

We are able to have our questions answered and needs met instantaneously. For instance:  If I need a recipe, I don’t pick up the phone and call my mom, grandma, or a friend. Instead, I pick up my phone and Google it. I don’t have to take the time for a conversation that would involve being polite and chit-chatting. It’s certainly more efficient, but it doesn’t necessarily grow my character or stretch me in any way.

Setting the Example In Character Training

Our kids are watching us. They take their cues from us. If we always take the easy, efficient road, that’s the one they will tend to take as well.  So the question is, are we making sure we are setting the example as parents as to what good character looks like?  Because kids will learn more from what we do than what we say.

The fact that we can have our questions answered and needs met so quickly can lead to impatience. If I need vitamins, I just click on Amazon Prime and boom! They are on their way by tomorrow. Again, this can definitely make life easier, but humans will, by nature, take the easiest way out. Without even knowing it, while enjoying these conveniences, our patience erodes. Not just when needing vitamins, but across the board. We need to be very careful that we don’t let that impatience overflow into training and teaching our kids.

Kids are not machines. They are warm, human beings with souls. They have emotions, thoughts, and physical challenges of their own as they walk through these growing up years. These years are wrought with continual changes in their minds, bodies, and souls and it’s crucial that we remain sensitive to that.

Asking God To Help Us Set the Example In Character Training

We need to ask God to give us understanding along the way. We need His help so that we can truly connect with our kids and not just teach them HOW to do what’s right. Instead, we want to encourage them to want to do what is right (by example)…for the right reasons. Children can do what they are told. But if there is a disconnect between their heads and their hearts, we have only skimmed the surface and character goes much deeper than that.

Secondly, technology can be and typically is, a big distraction. It can be very easy to miss character issues if we are constantly distracted. It’s so important that we show good character and set the example by keeping technology in its proper place in our homes and lives.  We need to turn it off for appropriate chunks of time so we be can be intentional in keeping priorities like homeschooling, meals, and family time.

It’s important to be tuned into our lives and our kids so WE can show them and disciple them in what it looks like to walk in obedience to the Lord and this takes TIME. Isn’t that the reason we are doing what we are doing? We are raising the next generation of believers and we want them to walk in truth, bringing the hope of the gospel in a very REAL and powerful way!  It begins by us setting the example for them.

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Durenda Wilson is a mom to eight, nana to 6 and has been married to Darryl since 1989. They have homeschooled from the beginning and have graduated 7 so far. Durenda loves to encourage moms to slow down and have more unhurried hearts so they can truly enjoy these years with their kids. She shares through her blog and podcast, Durenda Wilson and her simple, mercifully short book on homeschooling, The Unhurried Homeschooler

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How do you respond when your kids won’t listen to wisdom?

My son, give attention to my wisdom; incline your ear to my understanding. Proverbs 5:1

I’m sure it is no accident that, as I write this, one of my sons is fiercely bemoaning his current misfortune. Which, among other things, is not being allowed to attend youth group. His wails of lament pierce my heart, but I’m asking God for strength to remain firm. To continue showing compassion and speaking kindly yet be unmoved by either tears of remorse or shouts of anger.

His misfortune is a direct result of not listening to wisdom. Not practicing some of the character we’ve attempted to instill in him. Procrastination, the failure to be diligent, has a cost. And there’s the rub. It’s costing him, but it’s also costing me.

How to Respond When Your Kids Won’t Listen to Wisdom

Our kids don’t always seem to learn the character lessons we so diligently strive to teach them. This issue, like many others, is not a new one. He has had years to practice diligence. He has felt the consequences of laziness and procrastination many times before. And still, he chooses foolishly.

Because I too pay for his lack of character, I want to get angry at him. For being so hard-headed. For inconveniencing me (I was planning on kid-free time to write, but now I’m stuck with a rebellious complainer for company!). I want to complain to God about how hard it is to make kids do the right thing. But it’s not up to me to make them do the right thing . . . That is what I want us to remember. Ultimately, you and I cannot force our kids to learn or demonstrate godly character. We cannot change their hearts. That is a job only God has the power to do.

How do you get a disobedient child to listen to wisdom?

Yes, it is good for us to be aware of our children’s need to develop character. They certainly won’t just fall into it on their own! It is also important that we are purposeful in teaching and training them toward godliness. That is one of the responsibilities that God has given us as parents. But we must be cautious about how much trust we place in our own efforts to create or change their character.

I am not minimizing our responsibility to teach our children character or model the character we want to see in them. We can and should give them opportunities to practice godly character traits as well as encourage and praise them when we see growth. Then we must pray that God, who is able to do far more than we ask or think, will turn their hearts toward Him so the Holy Spirit can do His work of character building.

While God is absolutely concerned about our kids’ hearts, He is also concerned about ours. Yours and mine. Sometimes (probably all the time!), my kids’ failure to grasp and display the character qualities I want them to is God’s way of helping me develop my own character.

• Diligence in teaching.
• Patience toward the stubborn.
• Compassion for hard hearts.
• Perseverance when things are difficult.
• Self-control over my speech.
• Trust in God’s present work and future grace on their lives.

Oh, so many ways I need to grow in wisdom. You too?

Be encouraged moms and dads, that Jesus understands your frustrations. His own disciples didn’t always learn what He was trying to teach them. Cast your cares on Him. Rest on His promise to accomplish His work in you and in your kids in His time. Which is almost never the same as our time, right?

Teach your children faithfully, and trust God to effect the change in their hearts that only He can. May our attitude mirror that of Paul who said in his letter to the Philippians, “To write the same things again is no trouble to me, and it is a safeguard for you.” (Phil. 3:1)

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Abi is an ordinary wife and mom serving an extraordinary God. She spends her days loving her husband and keeping up with their 5 colorful, noisy kids. At the end of the day, she looks forward to a quiet walk or a warm cup of tea and a good book. Abi blogs at Joy In My Kitchen to inspire you to glorify God and enjoy life with your family.

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Sometimes it is easy to lose sight of the goal when we are in the trenches of parenting. We forget that our job is one of discipleship. As a mother of four grown children, I understand. We had four children in 39 months, and I remember one day thinking, “Am I ever going to do anything besides feeding, diapering, cleaning, and then repeating it all again in a few hours?”

Can you relate?

Before I knew it, I turned around one day and my toddlers had turned into teens. Through a series of miracles, my husband and I were able to take our teens to Israel on an educational tour. It forever changed our lives, but it also helped us as parents to continue with discipleship and training of our children in the few years we had left with them.

Today, I want to share with you an event that helped me see the importance of discipling our children and I hope it will encourage you too.

What an Olive Farmer Taught Me About Discipleship

It was a hot day in August as we toured in Israel. One of the first things you notice in Israel is the olive trees. According to Israeli law, olive trees represent ownership of the land. If you own the olive tree, you own the land. 

One day our tour guide talked about the different philosophies behind planting olive trees in the land of Israel.

He explained that there are two methods:

Method 1 – the Common Method

• Cut a shoot from a live tree
• Place it in a hole dug for the new tree
• Water and fertilizer
• Watch for fruit

Method 2 – the Jewish Method

• Cut a shoot from a live tree
• Take the tree into a nursery
• Water and fertilize the young tree under the watchful care of the gardener
• When the plant is strong enough, transplant
• Water, fertilize, and prune
• Watch for fruit

When asked, “What is the difference between the two trees in the end?”  He paused and said,

“The quality of the fruit.”

Are you feeding, diapering, and cleaning while taking care of toddlers? Do you have teens living in your home?

As you go through your busy days, remember you have a goal, to bear fruit yourself and disciple those God has placed in your garden.

One day we will all stand before the Master Gardener, and He will examine the quality of our fruit and of the fruit of the little trees He has placed in our garden. Will you hear, “Well done! Good and faithful servant?”

May God bless you as you nurture the young trees in your nursery!

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Dianna Wiebe is the primary author for Grapevine Studies. She brings an energetic and creative approach to her studies enabling her students to learn through direct interaction with the Bible. She has written over thirty Bible studies that are being used around the world by families, churches, and missionaries. Dianna is happily married to John and they have four grown children and many grandchildren. Dianna’s children are homeschool graduates and now college graduates. She spends her time researching, writing, teaching, and running the day to day operations for Grapevine Studies.

Three Practical Ways to Teach Honesty To Our Kids

How do you encourage honesty?

How do you teach a child the importance of telling the truth?

1. Inspire their Imagination

2. Point them to Scripture

• What does it look like to live as Kingdom people?
• How can we be set apart?
• How can we value truth and other people above personal gain and selfishness?

• Zacchaeus – Luke 19
• Ananias & Sapphira (Acts 5)

• Proverbs 12: 13-14
• Proverbs 12:22
• Proverbs 6:16-19
• Colossians 3:9
• Ephesians 4:25

3. Give them a Way Out

If we are honest with human nature, we will recognize that our bent is toward serving and protecting self. We will also recognize the agonizing trap one falls into because lies rarely abide alone. One lie leads to another and then another.

I write in Knights in Training about the importance of helping our children know how they can come clean. Because the only way to do that is confession. It is in confession that we are able to tear down the web of lies that we wove and live free again. We play a “Web of Lies” game (tutorial here) to drive home this point. The simplest way to become free of the snares of these lies is to come clean.

It starts with a bold moment of brutal honesty and a commitment to seek God to walk in integrity and rebuild trust as a truth-teller. It is a bold move, our children are brave enough to take, we remind them.

Use These Three Practical Ways to Teach Honesty To Our Kids

As our children walk in truth, this forms a habit that will serve them the rest of their lives. Celebrate honesty. Inspire them with narrative. Ground them in scripture. Show them the powerful path of confession and communicate your unwavering expectation and loving support in this endeavor.

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Heather Haupt is the mother of three knights-in-training and a spunky little princess. Recognizing the brevity of childhood and the power of a parent’s influence, Heather both inspires and equips families toward intentional parenting, pursuing God, and delighting in the adventure of learning. She is the author of Knights-in-Training: Ten Principles for Raising Honorable, Courageous and Compassionate Boys and writes at HeatherHaupt.com.

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Today we are looking at Specific and Practical Ways to Teach Obedience, one of the most foundational character traits to teach our kids!

Specific and Practical Ways to Teach Obedience

Enter Our Strong-willed Show Stopper. “ARIA STOOOOPPP!!” I scream at my daughter.

She had let go of my hand and was running full speed ahead toward the pool fully clothed and without floaties. Even while running at a dead sprint, I wasn’t going to catch her in time. As I rush to the poolside I see the horrific sight of her tiny little body completely submerged. Without pause, I drop onto my belly and lift her towards the air.

As I pull her out, she is cracking up. Seriously laughing in my face. No fear, not startled at all, just belly laughing like almost drowning is the funniest joke she has ever heard. “Don’t you ever do that again!” I bellow as I pull my sopping wet 16 month old to my chest. I have never been filled with more gratefulness and sheer, utter anger at her behavior all at once before. As I hold her and calm my 3 years old whom I left on the sidelines to rescue his sister, I know something has to give. I have never, EVER seen a child as willfully defiant as this tiny daughter the Lord has given me. And I have no clue what to do about it.

Why should we teach obedience?

After much crying, prayer, late-night internet searches, and throwing my hands up in the air the Lord showed me that even a strong-willed child can be trained in obedience. It just takes more diligence, grit, and guts than the children who love to please their parents. No matter what your child’s personality is like sweet mama, we are called to teach them obedience.

If you love me, you will obey my commandments. John 14:15

Jesus told his disciples that if they love him, they will obey his commandments. We can’t be truly following Jesus unless we are obeying what He calls us to do. The utmost desire of my heart is to see my children walking in truth and knowing Jesus as their Savior and friend. This relationship begins with first learning to submit to the authority of your parents. Children are commanded to be obedient to their parents.

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.  “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land. Ephesians 6:1-3

Obedience is something that must be trained and practiced. 

Train up a child in the way he should go even when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:16

We train our children to listen to their bodies when they feel the urge to go and respond immediately to that feeling. If they are too busy to listen, accidents happen. In the same way, a child needs to learn to be attentive to your voice and to immediately respond. If not, they could wind up at the bottom of the pool or in the middle of a car coming scenario.

How to teach obedience to a child

But how does a parent instill immediate responsiveness in even the littlest toddler, or strongest-willed elementary student, or crankiest teenager? Is that even possible?

Yes, it is possible. But, however, it isn’t easy. It takes a steadfastness that doesn’t budge even when mama is tired or lost all of her patience.

It starts with prayer and active seeking of the only one who knows your child better than you do. Ask for help from the one who knows exactly how your child is wired, and exactly what their little hearts need.

Specific and Practical Tools for Teaching Obedience

Here are some resources that have helped me tremendously while being consistent in training obedience in my children.

The If-Then Chart

The If-Then Chart has been a WONDERFUL tool that we have used with our children for years. Because I struggle with being consistent regularly, this gives me something to refer to in the heat of the moment.

You decide what consequence common behavior issues will have (such as disobedience). Then if your child is disobedient, you can refer to the chart for the consequence that will follow. This allows you to determine the consequence actions will have prior to being in the thick of the moment and allows you to leave out any negative emotions from your parenting (anger, frustration, etc.).

My favorite part of this chart is that every issue refers to a Bible verse explaining why we don’t want to behave this way. It is so very important to point their little hearts toward Christ and the sacrifice He made to cover our sins every chance we get and having this on the wall is so helpful!

The Strong-Willed Child (By Dr. James Dobson)

This book, The New Strong-Willed Child by Dr. James Dobson, has been a God-send to a mother who was a compliant child. I wanted nothing more than my parents to be pleased with me, and this book has opened my eyes to the way a strong-willed child is wired.

The book is very careful to point out that God has specially crafted and created these tendencies in your child for a reason. (See a letter to my strong-willed daughter, HERE!) They are going to be the people who stand up for righteousness, even when no one stands with them. God has an amazing purpose for their lives, and this book gives the parent information, tips, and tools to be able to parent and spiritually mentor a strong-willed child effectively because sometimes they are a whole new ball game ;).

I would not have survived those early, run-to-the-pool-to-your-imminent-death years without this book!!

Bible Study for Kids Targeting Obedience

“Because I Said So!” Ever yelled that at your children? No? Yeah, …um…. me either 😉

Because I Said So Bible Study for Kids actually helps train children (and parents to!) to WANT to be obedient.

This Bible study has been designed for children to complete either with a parent or on their own (depending on the age level you purchase). My oldest children did this when they were 4 and 6, and again when they needed a reminder at ages 5 and 7. And you know what!? They loved it!!

It has been a very helpful resource in our quest to know God in a deeper way and training our children to do the same.

RELATED:  10 Tips For First Time Obedience

What resources have you found to train your child in obedience?

Tiffany is an outmatched mama to three crazy amazing kiddoes, Jesus follower, homeschooler, and blogger. Her goal is to encourage and equip mamas like you to be the women God created them to be, even when life’s circumstances leave you completely outmatched. Check out her FREE two week Bible Study for busy mamas – get into the Word even in your busiest season of life!

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Intelligence plus character—that is the goal of true education. ~~ Dr. Martin Luther King, Sr.

A myriad of educational programs exists with lofty names such as “No Child Left Behind” and “Race to the Top.” All of these focus on academic training and leave little time for character development. Even parents who teach their own children are sometimes caught up with college prep and extra-curricular activities. They forget specific times for training good character qualities in their kids. Then, how we lament when leaders, even church leaders, openly exhibit bad behaviors.

Character training sources list six to ten qualities of good character. The ones agreed upon by most are trustworthiness, responsibility, respect, fairness, caring, and citizenship.

Good character isn’t learned in a moment or two here and there. Nor is a textbook or curriculum adequate for these qualities to be impressed on our children. We must make an effort to ensure our children see and exhibit good character qualities in all aspects of life.

How to Instill Good Character Qualities The Fun Way

Training good character is in the little things we teach. Saying please and thank you, greeting others properly, good table manners, apologizing, and more. Sometimes it’s hard to be on top of everything our children do. We may not be available to oversee their behavior. With consistent, day-by-day training, however, these important qualities will be instilled in them.

Skill Trek, an online supplemental curriculum to teach life skills, includes character instruction throughout. It begins with the idea that the skills children learn through Skill Trek benefits more than the student. They use these abilities to help and serve others.

What qualities make a good character?

In addition, the Trek adventure has lessons, beginning around age 5, specific to our child’s character. For example, preschoolers will learn to say the Pledge of Allegiance (citizenship) as well as “please” and “thank you” (respect). Kids progress to high school, where “Dealing with Peer Pressure” (trustworthiness), local government (citizenship), and “How to Avoid Debt” (responsibility) are taught.

Most of the lessons involve tasks that have the Trekkers use their skills to benefit the family or others. When learning to cook a variety of items, the kids are given the challenge to cook meals for the whole family. Or if the skill is a household chore, the child is required to perform that chore for the family.

Ways to Build Character in Your Children

The program features trail guides (or mascots) for each level. Trailblazers (pre-k through eight years old) are led by fun-loving Jasper T. Robertson, a tenacious raccoon. Roland D. Scruffbear, a loveable bear, leads the Rockhoppers (nine years through twelve years old). Followed by the wise and knowledgeable eagle, Balthazar, guides the Cragsman level (thirteen years old and up). Each of the trail guides is honest about areas in which they’ve had to learn a character quality to be a better citizen.

Unlike many at-home programs, Skill Trek involves parents’ oversight. Children are not sent to a series of instructions and left to complete them on their own, hoping for the best. This oversight helps us to guide our children, identify areas of weaknesses and strengths, and even learn a little ourselves along the way.

Good Character Traits

It’s easy to get caught up in the pressure of academic skills and not see so many other important life preparations for our children. Skill Trek will help us as parents prepare our children for life. And the best part? We will know How to Instill Good Character Qualities The Fun Way!

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Sara Elizabeth Dunn is a Christian homeschooling mom to 7. Having both typical and special needs children, ranging from preschool through high school, she not only understands the unique challenges of teaching several children with different learning styles and abilities, she has experience balancing therapy schedules with family life. She and her husband, Andrew, are the authors and creators of Skill Trek, a life skills curriculum for Kindergarten through young adult.

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Teaching kindness to your children doesn’t have to be difficult, and can even be fun with these tips! Kindness. Something we as Christians are called to “clothe” ourselves with (Colossians 3:12); one of the greatest things we can receive; one of the most difficult things to learn to give. And yet, teach it we must, for we are all very familiar with the fact that God has charged us in His Word to “Train up a child in the way he should go“. And we desire to spend time training our children in the ways of the Lord so that, as He has said, “when (they are) old, (they) will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6).

The question is how. How do we practically implement training in kindness?

First, the Oxford dictionary defines the process of training as teaching a skill or behavior through “sustained practice and instruction”. Did you catch that? “Sustained practice and instruction.” No matter which character trait you’re trying to teach, write this on the bathroom mirror or some wall where you will see it every morning and evening. Don’t think that changes are going to happen overnight. Training in any character trait will take time, practice, and patience, and more time, practice, and patience. Do not become discouraged.

Second, one of my favorite quotes by George Herbert says that “prayer should be the key of the day and the lock of the night”. Not only is this excellent advice on an individual faith level, but it is also completely applicable to our task as parents.

How to teach kindness to a child

Bathe the training of your children in prayer. Bring them, their strengths and failures, as well as your own as parents, before the Lord daily. Do not begin the day until you have asked for the Lord’s assistance, and do not close your eyes in sleep until you have praised Him for the successes and laid the trials at His feet.

Six Tips for Teaching Kindness to Your Children

1. Memorize Scripture about Kindness

Since the Bible tells us plainly that “I have hidden Your Word in my heart that I might not sin against you” (Psalm 119:11), we must trust the fact that having our children hide God’s Word in their heart will make a difference in their actions. The Word of God has power, so allow it to work in the heart of your children.

Consider memorizing verses as a family and displaying them somewhere visible in the house. A chalkboard, bulletin board, etc. would be a great idea for displaying the character trait and verses you currently have as your focus.

Be sure to refer to the verses you are memorizing when you are correcting or applauding your children’s behavior. Here are some good ones to start with:

• Mathew 7:12 – “So in everything, do to others as you would have them do to you, for this sums up  the Law and the Prophets.
• 1 Thessalonians 5:15 – “Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else.”
• 1 John 3:18 – “Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue, but with actions and in truth.”

2. Read Stories For Teaching Kindness

There’s a reason Jesus chose to teach in parables. Stories can teach a lesson in a very powerful way.

Character building in elementary aged kids creates some unique challenges for parents who want their kids to develop Godly character. I have noticed, with my own son, three areas that have significantly changed as he’s grown. 

First, that complaints and grumbling have crept in as his responsibilities within our home have increased. The novelty of being grown up enough to help with the chores has pretty much worn off. Second, I am more acutely aware of his eyes on us as parents. I have to be transparent about my own faults at all times because I am modeling behavior, good and bad. And third, his friendships have become much more important to him. Friends, of course, can influence us in negative and positive ways. Having an understanding of what a good friendship looks like is important for kids this age when it comes to character.

These are three areas that have needed to be addressed in my own home with my elementary aged child. Below I have shared ideas and examples from my own life about character training in this age group.

Here are 3 ways for real life character building in your elementary aged kids

Real life character building in elementary aged kids hurts a little

Chores provide a fantastic opportunity for character training. Here are two scenarios that happened in our home recently.

1. My son came to me after shower time one night and said he didn’t have any clean underwear.

This is what I said to him:

Wait, You didn’t bring all of your dirty laundry to the laundry room before I washed the clothes?

No? Well, then I’m sorry that you’re wearing an old pair of underwear from the back of the closet that doesn’t fit well. Yeah, I saw you fidgeting there. But, I already ran the laundry today and I won’t be doing another load. You’ll have to deal and do a load of your clothes in the morning.

Through this instance, my son has gained a deeper understanding of how nice it is when mom does his laundry for him and I didn’t have to do anything, except not do his laundry for him.

2. For quite some time my son has been complaining about having to load or unload the dishwasher.

I was getting fed up with hearing it,  thinking of all the times I had done dishes by hand in the past when I didn’t have a dishwasher. That’s when it dawned on me. I would “break” the dishwasher. I was thinking for a day or so, but it actually only took one hour and a sink-full of dishes for my son to realize that he really liked having a dishwasher. Something as simple as having to do dishes by hand really puts things in perspective.

Both of these situations are natural consequences that will make logical sense to your kid. You don’t do anything overt to get your point across. Just not fixing the problem and what’s making them uncomfortable is helping to build their character.

Your transparency is real life character building in your elementary aged kid

We all mess up. And as parents, we are in the position of being sinful people teaching other sinful people how to act. The mirror can be a scary place when you’re a parent. But, I know that God doesn’t expect perfection from me or my children and I get to share that truth with them. I try to show my kids how God is working on me by asking their forgiveness when I mess up and by modeling transparency in my struggles. Just be yourself, transparent and honest. Be human, a broken and sinful but restored human.

Teach real life character building through friendships

We can’t talk about friendship without talking about character. “As a face is reflected in water, so the heart reflects the real person.” Proverbs 27:19  A person’s actions will reflect their heart.

As my son has gotten older, friendships have had increasingly more meaning to him. We want him to make wise choices in friendships throughout his life. So, we have made talking about what a good friend looks like a priority. One of the most important things about looking at the character of a potential friend is whether or not they make a habit of sin. There is a very large distinction between sinning and making it a regular, consistent part of life.

Teach kids how to deal with their own faults by not making a habit of their sin. This is essential to being able to recognize this in their potential friends and it will help them steer clear of those relationships.

I’ve compiled a printable list of bible verses for you to share with your kids about friendship. You can download them by subscribing to my Free Resource library below. They are great for use in discussions and further study with your children on the topic of friendship. FREE Friendship Bible Verses

What I’ve Learned about Real Life Character Building in Elementary Aged Kids

I’ve found that simple is best. It’s got to be easy and quick to implement or my follow-through suffers. That’s why I love a natural consequence when it comes to my parenting. The mundane daily tasks of life have been an easy place to look for ways to build godly character in my elementary aged child.

Being transparent and upfront about my own struggles has given me credibility with my kids when it comes to character issues.

Taking the time to teach my child about what a real friendship should look like has made a difference in how my son looks at potential friendships. These are the ways I have found work best and that I am able to be consistent about.

How do you teach real life character building in your elementary aged kids?

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I’m Heidi, a perfectly imperfect woman, wife, and homeschooling mama who lives each day by the grace Jesus provides and a strong pot of coffee. We are a full time Rving family and spent last year roadschooling across the United States and loved every minute of it! I love National Parks and spending time with my family seeking out new adventures. https://www.poolnoodlesandpixiedust.com/

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