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Today we are looking at Specific and Practical Ways to Teach Obedience, one of the most foundational character traits to teach our kids!

Specific and Practical Ways to Teach Obedience

Enter Our Strong-willed Show Stopper. “ARIA STOOOOPPP!!” I scream at my daughter.

She had let go of my hand and was running full speed ahead toward the pool fully clothed and without floaties. Even while running at a dead sprint, I wasn’t going to catch her in time. As I rush to the poolside I see the horrific sight of her tiny little body completely submerged. Without pause, I drop onto my belly and lift her towards the air.

As I pull her out, she is cracking up. Seriously laughing in my face. No fear, not startled at all, just belly laughing like almost drowning is the funniest joke she has ever heard. “Don’t you ever do that again!” I bellow as I pull my sopping wet 16 month old to my chest. I have never been filled with more gratefulness and sheer, utter anger at her behavior all at once before. As I hold her and calm my 3 years old whom I left on the sidelines to rescue his sister, I know something has to give. I have never, EVER seen a child as willfully defiant as this tiny daughter the Lord has given me. And I have no clue what to do about it.

Why should we teach obedience?

After much crying, prayer, late-night internet searches, and throwing my hands up in the air the Lord showed me that even a strong-willed child can be trained in obedience. It just takes more diligence, grit, and guts than the children who love to please their parents. No matter what your child’s personality is like sweet mama, we are called to teach them obedience.

If you love me, you will obey my commandments. John 14:15

Jesus told his disciples that if they love him, they will obey his commandments. We can’t be truly following Jesus unless we are obeying what He calls us to do. The utmost desire of my heart is to see my children walking in truth and knowing Jesus as their Savior and friend. This relationship begins with first learning to submit to the authority of your parents. Children are commanded to be obedient to their parents.

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.  “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land. Ephesians 6:1-3

Obedience is something that must be trained and practiced. 

Train up a child in the way he should go even when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:16

We train our children to listen to their bodies when they feel the urge to go and respond immediately to that feeling. If they are too busy to listen, accidents happen. In the same way, a child needs to learn to be attentive to your voice and to immediately respond. If not, they could wind up at the bottom of the pool or in the middle of a car coming scenario.

How to teach obedience to a child

But how does a parent instill immediate responsiveness in even the littlest toddler, or strongest-willed elementary student, or crankiest teenager? Is that even possible?

Yes, it is possible. But, however, it isn’t easy. It takes a steadfastness that doesn’t budge even when mama is tired or lost all of her patience.

It starts with prayer and active seeking of the only one who knows your child better than you do. Ask for help from the one who knows exactly how your child is wired, and exactly what their little hearts need.

Specific and Practical Tools for Teaching Obedience

Here are some resources that have helped me tremendously while being consistent in training obedience in my children.

The If-Then Chart

The If-Then Chart has been a WONDERFUL tool that we have used with our children for years. Because I struggle with being consistent regularly, this gives me something to refer to in the heat of the moment.

You decide what consequence common behavior issues will have (such as disobedience). Then if your child is disobedient, you can refer to the chart for the consequence that will follow. This allows you to determine the consequence actions will have prior to being in the thick of the moment and allows you to leave out any negative emotions from your parenting (anger, frustration, etc.).

My favorite part of this chart is that every issue refers to a Bible verse explaining why we don’t want to behave this way. It is so very important to point their little hearts toward Christ and the sacrifice He made to cover our sins every chance we get and having this on the wall is so helpful!

The Strong-Willed Child (By Dr. James Dobson)

This book, The New Strong-Willed Child by Dr. James Dobson, has been a God-send to a mother who was a compliant child. I wanted nothing more than my parents to be pleased with me, and this book has opened my eyes to the way a strong-willed child is wired.

The book is very careful to point out that God has specially crafted and created these tendencies in your child for a reason. (See a letter to my strong-willed daughter, HERE!) They are going to be the people who stand up for righteousness, even when no one stands with them. God has an amazing purpose for their lives, and this book gives the parent information, tips, and tools to be able to parent and spiritually mentor a strong-willed child effectively because sometimes they are a whole new ball game ;).

I would not have survived those early, run-to-the-pool-to-your-imminent-death years without this book!!

Bible Study for Kids Targeting Obedience

“Because I Said So!” Ever yelled that at your children? No? Yeah, …um…. me either 😉

Because I Said So Bible Study for Kids actually helps train children (and parents to!) to WANT to be obedient.

This Bible study has been designed for children to complete either with a parent or on their own (depending on the age level you purchase). My oldest children did this when they were 4 and 6, and again when they needed a reminder at ages 5 and 7. And you know what!? They loved it!!

It has been a very helpful resource in our quest to know God in a deeper way and training our children to do the same.

RELATED:  10 Tips For First Time Obedience

What resources have you found to train your child in obedience?

Tiffany is an outmatched mama to three crazy amazing kiddoes, Jesus follower, homeschooler, and blogger. Her goal is to encourage and equip mamas like you to be the women God created them to be, even when life’s circumstances leave you completely outmatched. Check out her FREE two week Bible Study for busy mamas – get into the Word even in your busiest season of life!

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Teaching kindness to your children doesn’t have to be difficult, and can even be fun with these tips! Kindness. Something we as Christians are called to “clothe” ourselves with (Colossians 3:12); one of the greatest things we can receive; one of the most difficult things to learn to give. And yet, teach it we must, for we are all very familiar with the fact that God has charged us in His Word to “Train up a child in the way he should go“. And we desire to spend time training our children in the ways of the Lord so that, as He has said, “when (they are) old, (they) will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6).

The question is how. How do we practically implement training in kindness?

First, the Oxford dictionary defines the process of training as teaching a skill or behavior through “sustained practice and instruction”. Did you catch that? “Sustained practice and instruction.” No matter which character trait you’re trying to teach, write this on the bathroom mirror or some wall where you will see it every morning and evening. Don’t think that changes are going to happen overnight. Training in any character trait will take time, practice, and patience, and more time, practice, and patience. Do not become discouraged.

Second, one of my favorite quotes by George Herbert says that “prayer should be the key of the day and the lock of the night”. Not only is this excellent advice on an individual faith level, but it is also completely applicable to our task as parents.

How to teach kindness to a child

Bathe the training of your children in prayer. Bring them, their strengths and failures, as well as your own as parents, before the Lord daily. Do not begin the day until you have asked for the Lord’s assistance, and do not close your eyes in sleep until you have praised Him for the successes and laid the trials at His feet.

Six Tips for Teaching Kindness to Your Children

1. Memorize Scripture about Kindness

Since the Bible tells us plainly that “I have hidden Your Word in my heart that I might not sin against you” (Psalm 119:11), we must trust the fact that having our children hide God’s Word in their heart will make a difference in their actions. The Word of God has power, so allow it to work in the heart of your children.

Consider memorizing verses as a family and displaying them somewhere visible in the house. A chalkboard, bulletin board, etc. would be a great idea for displaying the character trait and verses you currently have as your focus.

Be sure to refer to the verses you are memorizing when you are correcting or applauding your children’s behavior. Here are some good ones to start with:

• Mathew 7:12 – “So in everything, do to others as you would have them do to you, for this sums up  the Law and the Prophets.
• 1 Thessalonians 5:15 – “Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else.”
• 1 John 3:18 – “Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue, but with actions and in truth.”

2. Read Stories For Teaching Kindness

There’s a reason Jesus chose to teach in parables. Stories can teach a lesson in a very powerful way.

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What is Godly character and what does Godly character look like in your tween?

Parenting any age it’s easy to get lost in analyzing our children’s behavior. The tweens are no different.

Parent and child alike find themselves in an awkward stage of “is it too much or not enough?” Throw in “testing limits” and the start of hormones and we begin to see we are in new parenting territory. Soon we have as many questions as they do!

How do I deal with a tween attitude?

How can I communicate with my tween?

Why are tweens so difficult?

Those are all good things to ask, but often, we miss the most important question. How can we win their hearts for life? Hint: These ways of Building Godly Character is a huge part of this!

6 Ways to Build Godly Character in Your Tween

As tween parents, we have a great opportunity! Between the ages of 8-12, our children’s hearts are moldable. They generally care what we think. The words we speak and the values we hold dear still have meaning to them (even if they don’t always show it).

Most often we are the main influence in their lives.

But as they grow and peer influence tips the scales we begin to wonder. Is it possible for them to grow in Godly character and hold onto their hearts?

I believe with a lot of prayer, intentional Godly character building and heart strategies it is possible!

1 Tim 4:12 Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.

Today we are going to look at Ideas for Building Godly Character in Your Kids

But first, let’s take a minute to focus on Mom (I bet you don’t do that enough!)

Tween Mom Care: Take Care of Your Heart

We can’t effectively build Godly character in our tweens if we don’t first take care of our hearts. Believe me, I’ve tried! We need tons of wisdom, refreshment for our souls, and God’s strength to parent in a way that would honor Him. There is no lasting substitution. The only way to set our parenting on a firm foundation and build Godly character in your tweens is to be in God’s word and prayer.

As a busy Mom, are you worried about fitting it into your schedule? I understand! But I can’t begin to tell you how faithful He has been to lead me in the amount of time I have. If you are intentional in meeting with Him daily you will notice the difference! He is where we will find hope for the hopeless days, strength for the emotional battles and loads of grace to return to!

Find Some Tween Mom Support

Mom, we need all kinds of support! As our kids grow and change, we have to be continually learning as parents. Did you think the constant need to “figure this parenting thing out” would decrease after the baby stage? I really did! I thought at some point I would just “get it”. Yes, I was wrong 😃

It could be true for a time. Maybe you start to feel like you are getting the hang of it and then.. welcome to parenting the tweens! Thankfully we have so many resources to tap into to help us navigate things well. We can read parenting books and blog posts, listen to podcasts and ask for resource ideas in parenting groups.

We also need “been there done that” kind of wisdom! None of us can do this alone. In fact, we shouldn’t. It’s not the way God intended it! We are created for community. Find support in friendships with other Moms in Mom’s Groups and Homeschool Co-ops.

We should continue to learn by talking with each other while we’re in the trenches and praying for one another. We can come together, support and encourage one another and learn! A win-win for us all.

Tween Character Building Tips

Now that you’ve taken good care of your heart. Let’s switch focus to them. We’ll take a look at 6 Ways to Build Godly Character in Your Tween.

Pray For and With Your Tween

I can’t say this enough. Pray often. Pray together or for them when they can hear you. In public and in private. Invite them to pray with you. Just pray! It is an incredibly powerful tool.

You have a direct parenting tip line to the one who created both you and your child! Think about that. Who could know better? Praying in the tween stage is a great way to bring both of your hearts in line with God’s will. He will help you see clearly what steps to take to build His character in our children.

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 1 Thes 5:16-18

{Want some help in this area? Find out how to encourage your tween child to pray and get a FREE 30 Day Printable Prayer Calendar for them. It has verses pertaining to a lot of the struggles they are dealing with today!}

Embrace Empathy For Your Tween

Come with me for a moment.. think back to your pre-teen years. What comes to mind? Do you remember feeling awkward or unsure of yourself? What about feeling a little bit crazy when experiencing emotions for the first time? Did you ever just want someone to acknowledge your feelings or say “it’s ok?”.

Even though these years can be a roller-coaster of emotions, I want to encourage you to hang on to empathy. When we help them to understand and process their own feelings, they are more likely to show concern for other’s feelings. We can ask good questions to help them handle problems as they arise.

• How do you think that made them feel?
• What would you want someone to say to you in that situation?
• Can you think of a way to help them feel better?

Sibling squabbles and growing friendships are great areas that teach empathy to tweens.

Take Advantage of the Teachable Moments With Your Tween

This is a beautiful gift that God gives us in parenting! It’s incredibly important and often overlooked because of the busyness of life. We can be so focused on getting things done (been there) that we breeze by the opportunity.

There are many times where I have had to pray for the strength to stop and use a situation to help teach them Godly character. But my kids will also be the first to tell you I find many opportunities for teachable moments, I really love this aspect of parenting!

Here are a few things to remember about building Godly character in your tween through teachable moments:

It’s a two-way conversation. These moments aren’t forced and we aren’t preaching at them. Instead, it’s a chance to go back and forth. Take each step intentionally in your conversation. Fight against defaulting to a flurry of parenting instruction.

Build Godly Character in Your Tween as You Show Interest in Them

This one is easy and tough all in the same! In the tweens, it’s important that our kids know that we value what they value. This helps them to feel secure. It also helps keep us connected to them in these new areas that they are branching out to. They will come to us for our opinion more if we show interest in what they are interested in.

One of the biggest lies Satan loves to beat tweens and teens up with is that the parents don’t care.. or that no one really cares. Then they step out to find someone or something that does “care” about them.

The easy part is when we share interests! Keep noticing any little or big ways you share interests with your child. Try to do little intentional things to encourage it. The hard part is when their interests are not at all the same as yours. The best thing you can do in this case is listening and try to learn. You may not come to know every detail of everything they enjoy but do pay attention to knowing their favorites!

Ask questions about the things they like. Trying to find ways to incorporate it into their homeschool or their regular day is a bonus! Even asking them to share 1 random fact here and there about what they enjoy can go a long way in their hearts. They will know that it may not be an interest of yours. They will see you are showing them, genuine love, because you are choosing the person over the hobby or interest.

When we show them real-life examples of this, they will often reciprocate. They will understand that their friends may not have all the same hobbies or interests. More importantly, they will be able to show God’s love to others by coming up with ways to encourage them despite the difference!

Let Your Tween Branch Out Safely

Does this thought make you a little, nervous? It’s ok, me too! Tweens branching out safely will look different for each family. But it is a part of the tween parenting stage. In the beginning, it will be small things.

Notice when they have been diligent in an area consistently. It’s a great starting point. This can prompt you to encourage them in their progress and hand over more control in another area. This process will not only be different for each family but for each child in the family!

The exciting thing is that Godly character building can already begin to show fruit in the tweens. This is a real encouragement to parents as we know character building is a process we need to continue throughout their childhood. Building Godly character in our children can make branching out an easier process.

Be Flexible in Tween Parenting

If you haven’t already noticed there is a lot of flexibility required in tween parenting! If you try something and it’s not working, it’s ok to try another approach! Prayer is a great tool in this area. God can lead us and guide us down the different paths needed to parent our child for His glory.

Remember that building Godly character in our kids is going to start with our hearts and walk with the Lord. Following His word and His ways will overflow abundantly into your parenting! Your tween child is growing, changing and branching out. This is a beautiful thing! By making building Godly character and winning their hearts a priority, you are setting them up for the best foundation you can offer them!

If you are looking for more Tween Parenting Encouragement, I would love to have your join our FREEBIES Hub of Biblical Resources where you can download your FREE ebook, worksheets, printables, resource kit and more! Click on the picture for more information.

Joining you in the in be”tween”,

Lee

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Are you feeling like a failure as a parent? For some of us becoming a mother was natural. As little girls, we dreamed of marriage, kids, white picket fences, visits to the park, and night time snuggles. We had plenty of practice with babysitting on weekends or even watching our younger siblings so our parents could have a weekly date night. We seem to have been born to be a mom, we are nurturers who walked into motherhood effortlessly.

When You’re Feeling Like a Failure as a Parent

There are plenty of us, however, that battle with feeling like a complete and total failure as a parent. Maybe we had the same dreams but soon found out that reality looked drastically different. Somewhere between, teething, screaming babies, tantrum-throwing toddlers, emotional tweens, and unreachable teens we lost sight of that dream we once held dearly. And when this happens, you begin to feel like a failure as a mom.

Then add in homeschooling, mounds of endless laundry, breakfast, lunch, and dinner meal plan, prep & clean-up, housekeeping, unexpected sickness, lack of money, and all the other demands of life.

That’s when we begin to question our abilities to mother and homeschool. We question if we truly have what it takes to successfully raise up and teach these little gifts that God has entrusted to us. 

Why do I feel like a bad mother?

Don’t allow condemnation to take hold when it seems like everything’s falling apart. When our kids don’t grasp a new lesson right away or seem to be behind their peers, it’s ok. If someone quizzes them and they don’t have the answer don’t immediately assume you are failing your kids.

Uncertainty happens when the voices inside our heads scream that we aren’t sufficient. Uncertainty is a cousin to fear. When we try to step out in courage, fear or uncertainty keeps the “what if’s” before us.

• What if I say I can teach my kids, only to find out I really can’t?
• What if I let my child down?
• How do I know if I’m a bad mom?
• What if they don’t get into college?

If we aren’t diligent in keeping the “what if’s” in check we will find ourselves frozen in fear. 

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” II Timothy‬ ‭1:7‬ (‭NKJV)‬‬

Certainty in Christ When You’re Feeling Like a Failure as a Parent

What does God say about motherhood? When insecurity keeps us locked up in fear, certainty in our Savior is the ultimate tool to break the chains of fear that binds us. Fear says, “I can’t.” Certainty in Christ says, “I can because God is with me!”

Genuine certainty is truly “God-certainty.” It’s less about trusting ourselves as it is about having faith in what God can do through us. It’s changing the message that is replaying inside our heads from “I can’t” to “God can!”

It’s renewing our minds to His Word. The Bible affirms this in Jeremiah 17:7: “Blessed [with spiritual security] is the man who believes and trusts in and relies on the Lord And whose hope and confident expectation is the Lord.” (AMP).

Certainty follows a divine design. You and I are made to do life in relationship and partnership with our Creator. Our imperfections are covered by His Grace. When we start to see ourselves through God’s eyes, we can embrace our imperfections and begin resting wholly in His perfect Love and Grace.

This also happens when we accept who God made us to be, as opposed to regretting our identity. Uncertainty keeps us taking part in the comparison game. We’re left yearning to be like them: more inventive, more creative, more patient, more educated.

The list is endless.

Nonetheless, certainty happens as we learn to embrace our weaknesses right along with our strengths. We grow in faith through our weaknesses as we allow God to be glorified through them. We become content with who we were created to be, not who we weren’t.

Count it All Joy When You’re Feeling Like a Failure as a Parent

Each time our hopes and dreams or lofty expectations of how motherhood and homeschooling is suppose to look doesn’t mirror real life, we have a decision. To push ahead with joy or throw a carnal fit and again feel like you are failing.

How we respond to “expectation derail” is 99 percent of what the outcome will be. These moments are key to growing in Christ ourselves and also building character in our children. Slow down, take a breath and think before you react because our reaction can either make us or break us.

Anger can get set off by the simplest things when they pile up. Child A fusses every time you are working through math together,  child B won’t sit still during the read-aloud time and child C lost his shoe again and we are running late for co-op again.

But, when we are consistent with prayer and time in the Word we start to become aware of the physical and emotional cues before lashing out at our children.

What does God say about motherhood?

Where does our strength as parents come from? The strength to resist the urge comes from the moment we took to read our bible and hide His Word within the innermost parts of our hearts. The anger is a bubbling, steaming, overwhelming fury that wants to detonate accusations against our children. It is the enemy of joy, but God is there with us. His Word rises up and then joy and peace win.

Eventually, we begin to acknowledge that we are deciding how we react in the battle. We have control over the way we see things and that ultimately happiness is a choice. Contentment is a decision. This is tied in with choosing joy when the going gets tough—or when things get hard humbly count it all joy.

It is knowing that we are growing in patience and training our kids’ character when we choose joy. It’s not easy when we try to do this on our own, but with His Word stirring in our heart, it becomes so.

“My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.” –James‬ ‭1:2-4‬ (‭NKJV‬‬)

My friend, the Joy of the Lord is yours for the taking! Grab it! Hold on to it! Passionately interlace it with certainty in Christ and all those dreams you once had as a little girl, you may just see some become a reality. At the least, His peace will reign and the feelings of failure will fade.

What do you do when you feel like you’re failing as a parent?

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Forest Rose is a God Loving, Blessed Wife, & Relaxed, Eclectic Homeschooling Mama to 3 girls – 7, 9, & 11 in Fort Wayne, Indiana. She blogs at Kingdom First Homeschool and hosts a Homeschooling 101 Community on Facebook. She’s passionate about lifting moms out of the homeschooling trenches that are discouraged, overwhelmed or feeling alone or isolated. Her hope is to point them to Christ and equip them to rise up with a new found hope and joy within that He alone can provide.

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