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When my oldest son was in eighth grade, I began to worry about homeschooling high school. Could we do it? How could we be successful? What did success even look like?

One of my friends (and now 7Sister Marilyn) gave me some of the wisest advice I ever received.

“Pray about it, then write out your goals: What kind of person would you like your teens to be when they graduate?”

I took Marilyn’s advice and after much prayer, these were the general goals that I wrote for my homeschool high schoolers. All five of them have graduated now and I’ve had the blessing of watching those goals come to life in them.

How to Build a Strong Relationship with Teens

The most important goals (to me, anyway) I had for my homeschool high schoolers were:

• To have a build a strong relationship with my teens, while they were still teens.
• To have the kind of relationship that would make it possible for my kids to want to bring the grandkids for a visit when they grew up, got married, and had kids of their own.

The academic goals and other personal goals varied from teen to teen but I considered creating a meaningful relationship with each a top priority.

After prayer, I found that these would be the ways I worked on building a strong relationship with my teens:

Relationship over rules

My friend, Melanie Wilson of Homeschool Sanity Podcast, always says, “Relationship over rules.”

When I was a young mom I studied my older mom-friends (those with teens). I observed that those who were strictest had very obedient teens. Unfortunately, some of those teens quietly resented their parents and were glad to home leave as soon as possible. Some became sneakily rebellious (whether their parents ever found out about it or not). Some developed anxiety disorders. Some were okay, also, because that kind of parenting fit their personality.

I decided that the short-term gains of a strictly-controlled home while my kids were teens, were not worth the risk of hurting their hearts by valuing the “safety” of rules over our relationships. I love my kids more than I love a home that has an outward appearance of obedience.

Meaningful Relationship Building

Rules can take the place of communication and growth. It is so much easier to not wrestle through a teen request or irritation. If we simply set a rule, no further thinking or discussion is required on our part. However, if we can keep the communication flowing we have a better chance at building a meaningful relationship with our teens.

Once when I was a young mom, I saw a poster for sale in a homeschool curriculum catalog. It was, “The 100 Rules of our Household”. Needless to say, I didn’t invest in that one. Instead, I invested in:

Building Strong Relationships By Listening

Most teens need to talk. Only they rarely want to talk on our schedules. Have you noticed that? They want to talk when they are irritated at their literature study guide or chapter in their science text. They want to talk after bedtime or when you’re knee-deep in a project.

When I was busy, I found that I had to remind myself of the relationship goals and make myself available when my adolescents wanted to chat (or debate their irritating study guide or textbook). That meant stopping, turning myself toward them, and making eye contact (with a pleasant, non-irritated smile). Then I would simply listen.

Most of the time, not preaching or solving the problem for them

I said, “That’s really hard,” to my teens so many times that it turned into a joke for them. It was my way of letting them know that I heard them and sympathized. I eventually had to come up with other ways to let them know I cared, such as:

“Hmmm…” or

“What’s that like for you?”

“That sounds stressful…”

Or I’d practice some active listening like: “What I hear you saying is…”

Usually what happened at times like these is that my teen needed to blow off a little steam then could process through finding a healthy way to handle whatever was up. I could guide the discussion along with occasional questions but trust God to help them come up with a conclusion that would get them to a better place.

Admittedly, there were times that I felt like their decisions were not best practices so I would ask things like:

“How’s that working for you?” (but spoken with grace, not judgment)

Then there are the strong, silent types. One of my sons is a quiet, deep thinker. He doesn’t say much but when he does, he’s put a lot of thought into it. I found with him, if we are doing something together, he will talk. For us, that usually meant taking car drives together. We did lots of drives when he was in high school!

Having shared experiences

I work as a mental health counselor. In one of the continuing education courses I attended, the instructor said that when you do new things with your loved ones, your bodies release oxytocin (which is a bonding hormone). Even if it is a boring or irritating experience, once you get home the oxytocin is there.

Another cool thing about doing new things together is that it gives you something to talk about. So we tried at least quarterly to do something new. We counted:

• Co-op field trips
• Doing a new volunteer activity together
• Hiking at a new state park
• Attending free dress rehearsals at the local opera house
• Making a new “historical” craft

Homeschooling high school gave us so many opportunities for new things!

My homeschool grads are all college grads now. We still have a good relationship (and I get to visit the grandbabies!) God bless you on your journey as you build meaningful relationships with your teens.

Hey, if you’d like some good discussion material, download 7SistersHomeschool.com’s FREE Apologetics curriculum. It’s interesting and thought-provoking. 

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30 DAYS OF THE BEST ENCOURAGEMENT FOR HOMESCHOOLING MOMS SERIES CONTRIBUTOR:

Vicki Tillman’s mission is to advance God’s kingdom by investing in people. She has lived this call as homeschool mom, advisor to the upperclassmen in her local homeschool community for 18 years and as a homeschool coach.

As a speaker, curriculum developer, counselor and life/career coach, Vicki shares her expertise in homeschooling, prayer, healthy life and career topics, and mental health topics through her coaching at Vicki Tillman Coaching. posts at 7 Sisters, Pike Creek Psychological Center,  Vicki Tillman Coaching and  Vicki Talks Prayer. 

A homeschooling mom for 20-plus years, all five of Vicki’s children graduated from homeschool high school and have completed various degrees at college and graduate levels.

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It seems like just yesterday your teen was a toddler playing in the back yard. Today, you look at them and realize that time is short and their launch from your home is coming soon. You want to make sure that they are not like so many teens who leave home and leave the faith. But how do you do that? What do they need to know to hang on to their faith as they begin their adult life?

5 Things Your Christian Teens Need to Know About Their Faith

Each teen is different but there are five things we can do to ensure they have the skills not only to keep their faith but have the tools and motivation to grow in their faith.

It is likely your teens have been in church for most of their lives. As a parent, we want to do a quick inventory and make sure they have the basics Bible study skills down before they leave home. This would include

• Understanding the Bible Timeline
• Interacting with the major characters and events
• Knowing basic Bible geography
• Practicing how to use Bible study tools
  • Bible Dictionary
  • Topical Bible
  • Bible Concordance
  • Bible Atlas
• Know how to ask the 5 W and 1 H questions of a Bible passage
  • Who
  • What
  • When
  • Where
  • Why
  • How

Knowing the practical parts of Bible study is key to helping to launch our teens. Along with the knowledge they need to how to apply the Word to their lives.

Bible Application for Teens

It is easy for Bible study to become an intellectual exercise, we have all heard the phrase, “Don’t give me the Sunday School answer, stop and think first”. But how do we know if our teens are just giving us an intellectual answer or speaking from the heart? An even harder question is how to take teens from the intellectual part of Bible study and teaching them how to apply the Word to their lives. Here are a few questions that they can ask after each Bible study.

• What did I learn about God’s Character from this passage?
  • For example, we can see from Genesis 1 that God is Creator, but to go one step further, one of God’s character traits from Genesis 1 is that He is a God of order.
• Based upon what you have just studied, what action, attitude or belief do I need to change? We should never come away from God’s Word without taking an action, be that adjust our attitude, changing and action, or modifying a belief to better align with the Bible.

Applying what we have learned in the Bible is a life-long process that will help us to continue to grow in our faith. As your teens grow, they encounter those who believe differently and that is where apologetics comes in.

Apologetics for Teens

As we work through the knowledge and practice of Bible study, we also want to help our students begin to understand how Christianity differs from other major religions. Comparative religion is a class that you do want to before your teen leaves home.

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In our homeschool, we met one time with people of other faiths and allowed them to tell our teens their basic beliefs from their perspective. Then our teens were able to ask them directly about their beliefs. This allowed us to see where our teens needed extra help. If your teen is not ready for interviews, there are many books and videos on the market to help you teach your teen about the other major religions.

They need to be able to clearly understand the following about their faith

• How Christianity is the same
• How Christianity is different
• Terms used that are the same but have different meanings

Apologetics can be fun and deepen the faith of your teens as they see the amazing faith that has been passed down to us!

Mentors for Christian Teens

As parents, we are the first mentors of our teens, but we want to have other mentors as well. When we were parents of young children we were advised by a wise older couple to pray and encourage our kids to have mentors. The kind of mentor you want for your teen is important.

Here are a few things we looked for in a mentor for our kids:

• Christians who actively lived their faith
• Someone of the same sex as the teen
• One who would give them the same advice we would

The last thing I will say about mentors is to give your children permission, verbally, to seek advice and develop relationships with others. You are never guaranteed a long life, and you want others who can come alongside your teen and young adult who will be a second parent to them when they don’t feel they can talk to you.

You Can Raise Godly Adults

Finally, continue to cover your teen in prayer. There is no magic formula, no sure what to help your teen successfully launch, but they can leave your home fully equipped.

At Grapevine, we help parents do the first two things on this list. There are great resources available for apologetics and comparative religions. Finding a mentor requires deliberate prayer and interaction within the Christian community.

Having four adult children, who are now college grads and have all maintained an active Christian walk into their thirties, it can be done. Your teen does not have to be a tragic statistic within Christianity. You can help them to launch confident, equipped, and ready to do the work the Lord has assigned them in this day. The world needs godly adults, and you can raise one!

Serving Him with Stick Figures,

Dianna

Author, Grapevine Studies

PS If you would like to try a Grapevine Bible Study use Coupon Code Best2020 for 20% off your order until August 31, 2020

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30 DAYS OF THE BEST ENCOURAGEMENT FOR HOMESCHOOLING MOMS SERIES CONTRIBUTOR:

Christian parents want their children to know the Bible, but often they don’t know where to start or have a plan? Grapevine Studies gives parents a method and a plan to teach the next generation the Bible. John and Dianna’s children are now grown and teaching their children using the Grapevine method.

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“I got a new toy for my birthday,” Jack said to a couple of kids standing in front of him, “Want to see it?” The other boys didn’t answer. Without a word, they just kept talking. Jack turned and walked away…

“Give me my toy back!” Naomi exclaimed, “It’s mine; I want it back!” “You told me I could look at it,” Mia stated, “I’m still looking at it.” Naomi reached to pull her toy back into her possession. Mia resisted, and an angry tug-of-war followed…

Tyson and Britney ran up to the swings at the park and each eagerly climbed onto a waiting swing. “Push me, Dad!” Tyson called to his father. Britney mockingly giggled, “I can’t believe you still need someone to push you. Pushing is for babies. I know how to do the swing all by myself.” Tyson sadly looked down at the ground…

The three scenes described above are enough to break your heart. Sadly, they are more than likely not unfamiliar to you. We have all been exposed to similar scenes in our lives. We may have even experienced them ourselves, or worse, watched our children suffer through them. Friendship is one of the most amazing things we can have in this life. Friends are, without question, a precious gift and something to be grateful for. They are something we fervently pray that our children would have.

How To Help Your Children With Friendships

Yes, we long for our children to have friendships. And yet, a sad dichotomy exists within friendship. Creating on one end some of life’s greatest blessings while on the other causing some of life’s most difficult and painful experiences. Why is it that our peers possess the ability to create within us equal amounts of happiness and hurt? And how is your child supposed to navigate the tumultuous journey that friendship can be?

Thankfully, we have been given the Word of God. It is the perfect place to turn to for help in equipping our children to navigate the friendship concerns they will inevitably witness or experience in this life.

Why are there so many problems with friendships?

The first thing to understand about friendship concerns is the why: why are there so many problems in friendship? The answer is actually similar to why so many problems can exist in a marriage: friendship, like marriage, involves sinners. Your child’s current friends…the kids they want to become friends with…even your child…are all sinners.

If we were all perfect, then we’d all be perfect friends. There would never be any problems in friendships (wouldn’t that be nice!). Now even though that’s sad to hear, there’s good news too. There are tools that can help your kids to deal with the problems of friendship. We can also teach them how they can be the kind of friend God would want them to be.

Tools to help your child grow in friendship

What are these friendship tools, you ask? At first, they are going to seem obvious, but that doesn’t make them any less valid or effective. The first tools you need for dealing with friendship concerns are prayer and the Word of God. As Christian parents, it should be our goal to point our children to the effectiveness and power of God’s Word in all of life’s situations.

We want to help them to learn to use God’s Word as the first place they turn to when faced with struggles. This will be one of the most valuable things you ever teach your children. On either side of a friendship problem, as recipient or instigator (because, yes, that will happen), hearing what the Bible has to say about it and praying for God’s help are crucial elements. The Bible is how you teach your child how to be a good friend. It also shows them how to respond when someone is not a good friend to them.

How Do I Help My Child Develop Better Friendships?

Even as children, the list of friendship problems is long. Sharing, unkind words, being left out or ignored, manipulation, bullying, jealousy, embarrassment, shyness, rejection, and the list goes on. Some of these problems can be pretty heavy to bear, especially for children. The one thing they all have in common, however. They are all byproducts of sinful hearts or sin in this world, which is where the Word of God comes in.

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God’s Word has something to say about all of these sins. It doesn’t mean all the problems will go away. But the Word of God will equip your child with the tools to be a good friend and to forgive when their friends fail them. It will also expose them to what they themselves are supposed to be as a friend.

How To Help Your Child With Friendship Issues

Being a good friend is not always easy, especially when your children are on the receiving end of the hurt. Prayer is an amazing, and sadly underutilized, tool at our disposal. Our children should learn at a young age to run to their heavenly Father with their hurt and their pain.

The depth of God’s love is enough to cover even the most unthinkable agonies in this life, but it must be cultivated. Similarly, when our child has an area of friendship with which they personally struggle, helping them to acknowledge it and bring it to the Lord for help in their sanctification teaches them to be accountable for their actions towards others.

A Valuable Friendship Resource

A great way to teach your children about common friendship problems and what God’s Word has to say about them is a letter-writing “pen pal” series called “Dear Faith: The Friendship Letters”. The series focuses on a character named Faith Walker – a regular kid with the same friendship problems that all kids experience. She “writes” letters to your child about a wide range of friendship problems that children encounter and shares with your child what she’s discovering God’s Word says about each one. Your child can even write a letter back to her, putting into words some of their own insights and struggles.

Some of the friendship problems covered are sharing, unkind words, being ignored, bullying, manipulation, jealousy, gossip, peer pressure, and more.

In addition, she shares some friendship advice with your children, like choosing your friends wisely, being the kind of friend you want to have, remembering that God made you exactly the way you are, and remembering to be like Christ.

Each letter topic includes a specific Bible verse for dealing with that issue, as well as prayer pages to seek God’s help in getting through each struggle. Those prayer pages can be kept together with an included cover in a “Book of Friendship” keepsake your child can turn to again and again because, sadly, they will more than likely encounter these friendship problems more than once this side of heaven.

A Friendship Theme

A good “theme” verse to have in your child’s heart for any friendship concern is Matthew 7:12:

“So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.”

The wisdom found in this verse alone can be used to cover just about any friendship problem your child will ever encounter. Faith actually uses this verse in her closing letter at the end of The Friendship Letters. It’s some advice we all could learn from…no matter our age. She writes:

“Friendships really come down to loving others. If we’re treating others in love – as we would want to be treated – then we will not be the cause of these friendship problems we’ve talked about. And if these things are being done to us, we’ll be able to extend love and forgiveness as our response. It’s not easy, but it’s what we have to keep working on, no matter how old we are.

Here is one final prayer for you:

“God,

Help me to love others and to treat them how I would want to be treated. May I not sin against my friends, and may I extend forgiveness when my friends sin against me. Amen.”

Maybe I’ll hear from you again some time. That’d be pretty cool!

Faith

Final Encouragement to Help Your Child Navigate Friendship

No, we aren’t going to be able to shield our kids from experiencing the hurt that comes with friendship in this sinful world. We can’t protect them from even being the cause of it themselves from time to time, but the best thing they can do when they are struggling with friendship is to realize who they are in Christ and His love for them.

When they hurt others, they will know to seek forgiveness and change. When others hurt them, they will know that they are forever valued by their heavenly Father and because of His great love for them, will also be able to extend forgiveness to others. We want good, Christlike friendships for our children, so let’s be intentional about training our children to be that kind of friend themselves. Let’s flood this world with them!

30 Days of the Best Encouragement for Homeschooling Moms Series Contributor:

Cindy Voss and Michelle Jansma of Keepsake Curriculum are a mother and daughter team dedicated to helping homeschool families find encouragement and resources as they homeschool their children. Our children are a heritage from God, a keepsake we must hold on to and train “in the fear of the Lord.”

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If there is one thing we want our children to be, it is independent. We want them to be independent readers, independent in life skills, independent in their prayer lives. As a homeschooling family, it’s important that our kids learn how to become independent homeschoolers.

How to Teach Your Kids to be Independent Homeschoolers

If you are new to homeschooling or really don’t know how to begin this process, I want to walk you through it. After all, we’re in this together! Here is how to teach your kids to be independent homeschoolers.

Know What You Want to Teach and Why

It can be hard to produce independent homeschoolers if you don’t narrow down what you want them to learn. You can raise independent homeschoolers by knowing what you want to teach them and why.

You will get them started on learning and from there, they will eventually be able to learn on their own. Narrowing down the subjects your children are learning is so important.

Of course, there will also be times when they take off in several directions, but you will be there to rein them in if they get too far off track. You can always make a list of those interests and save them for homeschool extra credit (of sorts).

Know Your Child’s Learning Style

We want our kids to “get it” and enjoy the learning process. They aren’t going to love everything but if we teach to their individual learning style it becomes a lot easier for them and us.

Public schools tend to have a set curriculum for all students. They have one way to teach and everyone has to learn that way. It’s kinda like trying to put a square peg in a circle hole. The squares cannot thrive because they are forced to be a circle.

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Homeschooling is a safe place to allow our kids to be themselves, learn the way they thrive, and even slowly build skills of the learning styles that aren’t their dominant way of learning. Yet another benefit of homeschooling – we can teach to their learning style and build their confidence to learn. Thus creating independent homeschoolers.

Independent Homeschoolers Need a Guide 

You can’t expect your kid to NEVER need your help. This is why it’s better when parents work more as guides in homeschooling. Your children will always need you in some capacity when it comes to homeschooling no matter the age or level. When you guide your child, you are telling them “hey, give this a try on your own, but I’m always here if you need my help.”

When they have a question or are struggling to move forward you are there as a helper when they get stuck. This not only gives them confidence, but it empowers your kids to want to work independently.

Allow Your Child To Work Independently

Your child will never learn how to be an independent homeschooler if you don’t allow them to work independently. Just like you may struggle when someone is looking over your shoulder, your child may struggle when you’re looking over their shoulder.

Let them try and work independently and watch them flourish. They may struggle a little bit, but the struggle is a big part of the learning process.

Let Your Children Pursue Their Interests Independently

This is where the homeschool extra credit (of sorts) comes in. Another way to teach your kids to be independent homeschoolers is to allow your children to pursue their own interests. After they have done what you ask of them, allow them to be creative, and pursue their own passions. After all, homeschooling does allow for extra time for this kind of learning to be able to happen.

When your child is following their passions homeschooling will not seem like work at all to them or you. Your child will be more engaged and will be excited to pursue new interests every single day.

Independent Learners Learn So Much

When it comes to independent learning, your children are going to learn so much. Your children are going to learn how to be independent learners, but they are going to learn how to be responsible for their own school work. They are going to learn how to take pride in their own school work.

Your children will take off with their learning and you will be super impressed with their progress. You will notice that one interest will break off into several rabbit trails and before you know it they are learning at a rapid pace, while retaining the information. When your child is interested they retain!

Allow Student Planning in Your Home

Something really cool that we’ve been using in our homeschooling is student planning pages. These free planning pages allow your student to plan what they are doing. Independent learning has truly never been easier than when you have the right tools.

Learning how to teach your kids to be independent homeschoolers may be a little easier than you thought. With the right planning and tools, your child can be an independent learner and thinker, all while being a homeschooler. 

How have you taught your children to be independent homeschoolers?

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There are many things I wish I had known when I started homeschooling. I still remember what I said the first time I heard about someone teaching their kids at home:  “I could never do that!”

I seriously didn’t think I would ever be qualified to do such a thing! At the time I didn’t know anything about homeschooling, so that made it seem very overwhelming to me.

Over time God used people and resources to change my mind, and with a bit of trepidation mixed with excitement, I began kindergarten at home with my daughter. Two years later I added our next daughter to our school, and on it went with all eight of our kids.

Over the last 31 years, I have learned many things that  I wish I had known when I first started homeschooling. I will share some of the top ones with you.

9 Things I Wish I Had Known When I Started Homeschooling

1. Relationships are more important than academics

There were many times in my early days of homeschooling when I would get frustrated and impatient with one of my kids when they just couldn’t “get it”.

Math was a big struggle with one of my kids, and there were many days when she sensed my impatience or frustration. She would run to her room crying, and that was the end of our school work for the day.

Read: DON’T LET MATH RUIN YOUR HOMESCHOOL

After a while, I realized that not only was  I  allowing a face-off with an academic subject to kill her love of learning, but I was also allowing it to hurt our relationship.

At that point, I realized the subject wasn’t all that important in comparison to our relationship. Relationship always trumps academics. 

2. I wish I had known that commitment is the key to success

There have been many times when I would have rather skipped school, and just read a book or slept in. Other times, I wanted to put ALL the kids in the Christian school.

However,  my husband and I felt God had called us to teach them at home, and we made a commitment to do that.

Commitment keeps you consistent and keeps you from acting on your feelings or quitting on those rough days.

3. You are qualified to homeschool your kids

If you love to read to your kids, spend time with them, and watch them as they learn new things, you are qualified to homeschool them! Nobody loves them as you do, or knows them as well as you do.

As a homeschool parent, you don’t have to be an expert!  No teacher has all the answers, but they know where to find them. As we look for answers while teaching our kids, we are teaching them how to be lifelong learners.

4. You don’t have to teach every subject every day

In the elementary years, it’s best to focus on the 3 R’s, along with lots of reading aloud and playtime. You can introduce them to history and science by having them read historical novels and nature readers a couple of days each week.

5. I wish I knew it is normal to be afraid

We want to give our kids the best education and do all we can to prepare them for life and God’s purpose. It’s a big responsibility, so a little fear is normal.

You WILL question yourself – A LOT – especially in the beginning. That’s normal and okay. Find other homeschoolers to encourage and support you.

6. It doesn’t take all day to homeschool your kids

Much of the time that children spend at school is spent in waiting, recess, and lunch. Even though kids are at school for about 8 hours a day, they aren’t actually doing school work that whole time.

Don’t try to copy the schools or another family’s homeschool. Don’t worry if someone else spends six-plus hours a day, and your kids are done in two or three hours!

Keep in mind that kids are learning all the time, even though it may not be through sitting down and working in books.

7. There will be bad days

I wish I had known when I started homeschooling that there will be bad days. Those bad days used to really get me discouraged, but then I realized that bad days are just part of the package.

We all have days when we are tired or just not feeling up to par, and we also have those days when the kids are being extra difficult and trying our patience.

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I found that the best thing to do on those bad days is to take a break. Put the books aside and go outside for a walk, or sit at the table and play a game.

If the bad days are happening too often, try to determine what the character issues are, then take a few days to work on character.

8. You don’t need to worry about high school

Probably one of the things I hear most often when people are afraid to homeschool, is that they don’t think they can teach their kids high school.

If God has called you to homeschool, don’t worry about how you will handle it eight or nine years down the road. God just asks that you be faithful today. 

He will help you with high school when the time comes, or provide you with the help you need. God doesn’t call us to something, and then not provide the help we need!

9. Homeschooling will reveal your character flaws, and help you grow

It was probably on the very first day of our home school that my lack of patience was revealed! God used my difficult children to help me grow in the areas of self-control on a daily basis.

Homeschooling also gives you the opportunity to see the character flaws in your kids, and work on them daily as you are teaching them.

If they are having a bad attitude, it’s much better to stop the work and deal with it than let them get two lessons done with a bad attitude.

When there is a problem with obedience, address it right away. Read:10 Tips For First Time Obedience

Having the kids there gives us a definite opportunity to work on their character. Don’t look at it as a disturbance, but rather take advantage of those chances to train them in Godly behavior and character.

What you know or don’t know as you begin to home school, or continue to home school, isn’t the big issue. The most important thing you need to know is that you have to rely on God. Don’t start a day of your school without first seeking Him in prayer for direction and wisdom.

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It is easy these days to get overwhelmed with all the things we’re supposed to do as homeschool moms, isn’t it? So many subjects, methods, checklists, standards… so many articles about all the things our homeschool needs to be successful. All the guilt-inducing photos on Pinterest and Instagram.

Sometimes these things can be helpful. But sometimes they only lead to exhaustion and discouragement. Well, friend, I’m here to ease your burden! Here are 10 things you DON’T have to do in your homeschool.

10 Things You DON’T Have to Do in Your Homeschool

1) What the Public Schools are Doing

Not only do you not have to do what the public schools are doing, but it isn’t even recommended. Now, you probably will do that a little bit if you went to public school. After all, it’s what you’re used to, and that’s ok. But you’ll soon find that the public school baggage is not necessary at all and can even get in the way of the many benefits of homeschooling.

Instead, start to think about homeschooling as a private home tutoring model. Focus on your child’s needs and your goals for their education. It’s a paradigm shift you’ll end up loving! It’s more effective than trying to replicate a model designed for government education. 

2) What Other Homeschoolers are Doing

It’s always helpful and fun to glean ideas from web sites, blogs, and our homeschooling friends. I enjoy it, too! Just keep reminding yourself of this important truth: your homeschool is unique and doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s!

In fact, your homeschool experience will be more successful and enjoyable if you avoid falling into the comparison trap. Consider all those ideas a buffet to choose from and craft your own awesome homeschool!

3) Early Academics 

Kids don’t NEED early academics beyond read alouds and joining the family in regular life experiences. Really. There’s rarely a need for early reading programs, flashcards, preschool or kindergarten curriculum, etc. So don’t hesitate to set aside the lesson plans until 1st or 2nd grade (keeping your state laws in mind, of course).

However, dear mama, if you WANT to do some early academics, don’t feel guilty about that either! As long as your child is enjoying it, you’re fine. Just be careful not to start pushing for performance, because kids in these early years have a wide range in terms of developmental readiness and it’s best to do learning in a natural and gentle way. 

4) Be an Expert on Anything

You can homeschool your child in all the subjects without being an expert in any of them. You will be learning along with your child, and it’s actually one of the awesome things about homeschooling! Remember that many parents have homeschooled their kids from birth through high school and have graduated them successfully. You can, too!

Don’t let anyone make you feel like you are not trained or knowledgeable enough to teach your own kids.  It’s just false. Especially nowadays with all the resources available to us, all you really need to be an expert on is your own child.

5) Find the Perfect Curriculum

I’ll be the first to admit that I love curriculum research and shopping. But don’t let that turn into analysis paralysis! You aren’t likely to find THE ONE curriculum that does everything you want and works for every child and every circumstance. So go ahead and stop stressing over that.

The best curriculum is the one you actually use. Further, many curriculum options can be adapted to fit your needs. So do your research to find the curriculum that meets your goals and dive in. Just don’t be surprised by hiccups! Tweak those materials as needed to make them work for you and go right on homeschooling. 

6) Craft the Perfect Schedule

In our first years of homeschooling I spent a lot of time spinning my wheels trying to put together the perfect schedule. It was exhausting! After 10 years of homeschooling, here’s what I can tell you: the very nature of families who are always growing and learning makes “the perfect” homeschool schedule impossible.

Now, having some structure for our days is a good thing. It’s a huge blessing to my family to have flexible rhythms and routines that help us thrive. But sketch those routines in pencil! Remember that they will change along with your family’s seasons and milestones.

[Read: Using Rhythms and Routines for Homeschool Planning]

7) Do Lesson Planning

It may seem like having detailed lesson plans for the week or month is a good idea. But if you’re anything like me, those shiny plans never actually happen and you end up feeling defeated. If you LOVE to run your homeschool with lesson plans, then definitely do that! But if you struggle with it, consider ditching the detailed lesson plans.

Learn the 10 Things You DON'T Have to Do in Your Homeschool now!Click To Tweet

I like to use my planner to make general goals for the year, sketch out things like projects and field trips for the upcoming quarter, and then after that… I just write down each month what we actually DO! It is so freeing. It can also help you realize how much you do each week that is learning outside of the lesson plans. 

[Read: Managing Your Work with Loop Scheduling]

8) Stick to Your Plans

Whether your plans are loose or detailed, don’t sweat it if you veer off plan. Flexibility and freedom – that’s what homeschooling is all about! If the day is gorgeous, go on a nature walk and don’t fret about the desk work. If there is illness or major life change happening, make your homeschool fit your life and not the other way around.

While a certain level of perseverance and consistency over the course of your homeschool years is helpful, remember that a detour doesn’t have to sink you, whether it’s for a day, a week, a month, or even sometimes the whole year. Adjust as needed and move on!

9) Make Everything Fun or Beautiful

Of course, we want our kids to remember our homeschool years fondly. We want to incorporate things that are interesting, fun, engaging, and beautiful. But as great as those can be, don’t think that you’re failing if things aren’t always fun or beautiful.

Sometimes our goals are to manage to take a shower, get the baby to nap, or check math off for the day, and that’s totally ok! For days when you CAN do some fun and beautiful, don’t discount the simple things like playing board games or going for a walk around the neighborhood to look at nature. 

10) Worry Whether You’re Doing Enough 

Every homeschool mom worries about this. Group hug! But here’s the thing: If you’re worrying about whether or not you’re doing enough, you probably don’t need to worry about it at all. Intentional parents who do their best to help their children know and love God and to educate them well… those parents are doing exactly what they are called to do and the Lord will equip them for the task.

Will it be perfect? No. Will there be gaps in their education? Yes, because every education has gaps. The key is to keep your eyes on Christ and your priorities in focus. The rest will fall into place! 

[Download the Free Prayer Calendar for Homeschool Moms]

You’ve got this, friend! When you start to feel overwhelmed, come back to this list of what you don’t have to do in your homeschool and take a deep breath. 

As parents, you are ultimately responsible for your children’s education. Design your homeschool as you see fit. Then enjoy your kids and the homeschool journey!

~ Tauna

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30 Days of the Best Encouragement for Homeschooling Moms Series Contributor:

Tauna Meyer is a homeschooling mom of 6 who speaks to women with encouragement that is relatable and tools that work in real life. She has a passion for helping moms overcome the hurdles that keep them from homeschooling successfully, all while pointing themselves and their children to Christ. Visit Tauna at Proverbial Homemaker today! 

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As a homeschool mom of elementary students, I thought the three keys to back-to-homeschool sanity were researching curriculum, organizing my homeschool space, and choosing extracurricular activities. Now, as a 21-year veteran, I know better. If you want your homeschool to be sane and happy this year, focus on these areas: faith, relationships, and self-care.

Three Keys to Back to Homeschool Sanity

Faith is the first key to back-to-homeschool sanity.

I began my homeschool journey like Peter–walking on water. Jesus called me to homeschool. I didn’t see how it could work with my desire to be a writer, my lack of organization, and my problem with impatience. I was nervous, but I stepped out in faith.

At first, I seemed to be walking the walk. But then I focused on the wind and waves. I was afraid. My kids could walk away from the faith. I could leave them poorly prepared for college. I thought I had to step carefully. That’s when I started to sink.

If God has called you to homeschool, He will equip you every step of the way–even when your child has a learning challenge, when you don’t know much about the subject you need to teach, or when you feel discouraged.

Understand that the Lord does not hold us accountable for results in our homeschools–just obedience. Peter didn’t have to figure out how to stay above water; he only had to keep his eyes on Jesus and walk toward Him. Worrying about choosing the right curriculum, the right extracurricular activities, and even the right discipline approach isn’t the burden God wants us to carry. He has a plan for our children that we can enjoy being a part of.

This key to back-to-homeschool sanity begins with daily prayer. Turn every worry over to the Lord during your personal devotions. I like to write my worries out daily. Then remind yourself that God has you by reading His Word.

But don’t stop with personal devotions. Make time to pray with your spouse and with your children. If that’s the only thing you accomplish for school on a particularly hard day, it’s more than enough.

The Organized Homeschool Life book and planner can help you make personal and family devotions a habit.

Relationships are the second key to back-to-homeschool sanity.

I used to do premarital counseling. Most couples gave more attention to the wedding ceremony, the reception venue, and the honeymoon than they did to their relationship. I see homeschoolers doing the same thing. We think curriculum, homeschool rooms, and extracurricular activities can make our homeschool successful when these things aren’t foundational.

While I have evidence that my high school graduates received a superior education through homeschooling, the close relationships we have with them and the relationships they have with each other are far more valuable to us. These close relationships didn’t just happen.

If you want your homeschool to be sane and happy this year, focus on these areas! Learn the 3 Keys to Back to Homeschool Sanity now!Click To Tweet

To enjoy healthy relationships, we have to devote time to fostering them. If our homeschool schedule is so busy that we have nothing left to give our spouse and no time to spend getting to know our child’s heart, our homeschooling and family life are at risk. Set aside time to focus on relationships that cannot be superceded by other demands.

Next, we can focus on relationships by dealing with trouble spots head-on. The top areas homeschoolers ask me for help with are developing a reasonable approach to discipline, addressing parental problems with anger, and teaching kids how to resolve sibling conflict. There are no simple fixes for these common issues, but with commitment, we can see the Lord making changes in our families.

The Homeschool Sanity classes I offer can help.

Self-care is the third key to back-to-homeschool sanity.

Besides the grace of God and a helpful husband with a flexible schedule, my self-care has been the biggest factor in my being able to homeschool six children and be happy doing it. I knew early on that I don’t have the personality to be a martyr. I need breaks to do things that renew me.

Your definition of self-care and mine may differ. Self-care for you may be declining a party invitation so you can stay home with the kids, while for me it’s spending time with friends out of the house. Whatever recharges you and makes you happy will allow you to be a better wife and mother.

We need physical self-care. If you’re always tired, get more sleep. Don’t fall for the notion that staying up late will fill your tank. It feels good at the time, but the next day’s fatigue will erase any benefits you experience. We can also care for ourselves physically with exercise. Regular exercise is not selfish but will make you a more passionate wife and a more fun mom. The added bonus is you’re less likely to get sick.

We need emotional self-care. We all need social support, but some of us need more than others. I get depressed when I don’t have time to talk with friends. Be sure to plan social time into your homeschool schedule. In addition to social support, we need hobby time. I enjoy scrapbooking with a friend. The added bonus is my family loves the scrapbooks.

The blog post and podcast How to Be Happy and Homeschool Too will give you inspiration for pursuing both physical and emotional self-care.

Final thoughts

Planning your homeschool curriculum, space, and activities for this year is of some benefit. But don’t neglect to focus on your faith, relationships, and self-care. The dividends they pay in having a happy back-to-homeschool are worth the investment.

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30 Days of the Best Encouragement for Homeschooling Moms Series Contributor:

Dr. Melanie Wilson is a Christian psychologist turned homeschooling mother of six. She is the author of the Psychowith6 blog, The Organized Homeschool Life, and Grammar Galaxy language arts curriculum. She also hosts The Homeschool Sanity Show podcast.

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