Three Practical Ways to Teach Honesty To Our Kids

How do you encourage honesty?

How do you teach a child the importance of telling the truth?

1. Inspire their Imagination

2. Point them to Scripture

• What does it look like to live as Kingdom people?
• How can we be set apart?
• How can we value truth and other people above personal gain and selfishness?

• Zacchaeus – Luke 19
• Ananias & Sapphira (Acts 5)

• Proverbs 12: 13-14
• Proverbs 12:22
• Proverbs 6:16-19
• Colossians 3:9
• Ephesians 4:25

3. Give them a Way Out

If we are honest with human nature, we will recognize that our bent is toward serving and protecting self. We will also recognize the agonizing trap one falls into because lies rarely abide alone. One lie leads to another and then another.

I write in Knights in Training about the importance of helping our children know how they can come clean. Because the only way to do that is confession. It is in confession that we are able to tear down the web of lies that we wove and live free again. We play a “Web of Lies” game (tutorial here) to drive home this point. The simplest way to become free of the snares of these lies is to come clean.

It starts with a bold moment of brutal honesty and a commitment to seek God to walk in integrity and rebuild trust as a truth-teller. It is a bold move, our children are brave enough to take, we remind them.

Use These Three Practical Ways to Teach Honesty To Our Kids

As our children walk in truth, this forms a habit that will serve them the rest of their lives. Celebrate honesty. Inspire them with narrative. Ground them in scripture. Show them the powerful path of confession and communicate your unwavering expectation and loving support in this endeavor.

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Heather Haupt is the mother of three knights-in-training and a spunky little princess. Recognizing the brevity of childhood and the power of a parent’s influence, Heather both inspires and equips families toward intentional parenting, pursuing God, and delighting in the adventure of learning. She is the author of Knights-in-Training: Ten Principles for Raising Honorable, Courageous and Compassionate Boys and writes at HeatherHaupt.com.

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Today we are looking at Specific and Practical Ways to Teach Obedience, one of the most foundational character traits to teach our kids!

Specific and Practical Ways to Teach Obedience

Enter Our Strong-willed Show Stopper. “ARIA STOOOOPPP!!” I scream at my daughter.

She had let go of my hand and was running full speed ahead toward the pool fully clothed and without floaties. Even while running at a dead sprint, I wasn’t going to catch her in time. As I rush to the poolside I see the horrific sight of her tiny little body completely submerged. Without pause, I drop onto my belly and lift her towards the air.

As I pull her out, she is cracking up. Seriously laughing in my face. No fear, not startled at all, just belly laughing like almost drowning is the funniest joke she has ever heard. “Don’t you ever do that again!” I bellow as I pull my sopping wet 16 month old to my chest. I have never been filled with more gratefulness and sheer, utter anger at her behavior all at once before. As I hold her and calm my 3 years old whom I left on the sidelines to rescue his sister, I know something has to give. I have never, EVER seen a child as willfully defiant as this tiny daughter the Lord has given me. And I have no clue what to do about it.

Why should we teach obedience?

After much crying, prayer, late-night internet searches, and throwing my hands up in the air the Lord showed me that even a strong-willed child can be trained in obedience. It just takes more diligence, grit, and guts than the children who love to please their parents. No matter what your child’s personality is like sweet mama, we are called to teach them obedience.

If you love me, you will obey my commandments. John 14:15

Jesus told his disciples that if they love him, they will obey his commandments. We can’t be truly following Jesus unless we are obeying what He calls us to do. The utmost desire of my heart is to see my children walking in truth and knowing Jesus as their Savior and friend. This relationship begins with first learning to submit to the authority of your parents. Children are commanded to be obedient to their parents.

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.  “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land. Ephesians 6:1-3

Obedience is something that must be trained and practiced. 

Train up a child in the way he should go even when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:16

We train our children to listen to their bodies when they feel the urge to go and respond immediately to that feeling. If they are too busy to listen, accidents happen. In the same way, a child needs to learn to be attentive to your voice and to immediately respond. If not, they could wind up at the bottom of the pool or in the middle of a car coming scenario.

How to teach obedience to a child

But how does a parent instill immediate responsiveness in even the littlest toddler, or strongest-willed elementary student, or crankiest teenager? Is that even possible?

Yes, it is possible. But, however, it isn’t easy. It takes a steadfastness that doesn’t budge even when mama is tired or lost all of her patience.

It starts with prayer and active seeking of the only one who knows your child better than you do. Ask for help from the one who knows exactly how your child is wired, and exactly what their little hearts need.

Specific and Practical Tools for Teaching Obedience

Here are some resources that have helped me tremendously while being consistent in training obedience in my children.

The If-Then Chart

The If-Then Chart has been a WONDERFUL tool that we have used with our children for years. Because I struggle with being consistent regularly, this gives me something to refer to in the heat of the moment.

You decide what consequence common behavior issues will have (such as disobedience). Then if your child is disobedient, you can refer to the chart for the consequence that will follow. This allows you to determine the consequence actions will have prior to being in the thick of the moment and allows you to leave out any negative emotions from your parenting (anger, frustration, etc.).

My favorite part of this chart is that every issue refers to a Bible verse explaining why we don’t want to behave this way. It is so very important to point their little hearts toward Christ and the sacrifice He made to cover our sins every chance we get and having this on the wall is so helpful!

The Strong-Willed Child (By Dr. James Dobson)

This book, The New Strong-Willed Child by Dr. James Dobson, has been a God-send to a mother who was a compliant child. I wanted nothing more than my parents to be pleased with me, and this book has opened my eyes to the way a strong-willed child is wired.

The book is very careful to point out that God has specially crafted and created these tendencies in your child for a reason. (See a letter to my strong-willed daughter, HERE!) They are going to be the people who stand up for righteousness, even when no one stands with them. God has an amazing purpose for their lives, and this book gives the parent information, tips, and tools to be able to parent and spiritually mentor a strong-willed child effectively because sometimes they are a whole new ball game ;).

I would not have survived those early, run-to-the-pool-to-your-imminent-death years without this book!!

Bible Study for Kids Targeting Obedience

“Because I Said So!” Ever yelled that at your children? No? Yeah, …um…. me either 😉

Because I Said So Bible Study for Kids actually helps train children (and parents to!) to WANT to be obedient.

This Bible study has been designed for children to complete either with a parent or on their own (depending on the age level you purchase). My oldest children did this when they were 4 and 6, and again when they needed a reminder at ages 5 and 7. And you know what!? They loved it!!

It has been a very helpful resource in our quest to know God in a deeper way and training our children to do the same.

RELATED:  10 Tips For First Time Obedience

What resources have you found to train your child in obedience?

Tiffany is an outmatched mama to three crazy amazing kiddoes, Jesus follower, homeschooler, and blogger. Her goal is to encourage and equip mamas like you to be the women God created them to be, even when life’s circumstances leave you completely outmatched. Check out her FREE two week Bible Study for busy mamas – get into the Word even in your busiest season of life!

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Intelligence plus character—that is the goal of true education. ~~ Dr. Martin Luther King, Sr.

A myriad of educational programs exists with lofty names such as “No Child Left Behind” and “Race to the Top.” All of these focus on academic training and leave little time for character development. Even parents who teach their own children are sometimes caught up with college prep and extra-curricular activities. They forget specific times for training good character qualities in their kids. Then, how we lament when leaders, even church leaders, openly exhibit bad behaviors.

Character training sources list six to ten qualities of good character. The ones agreed upon by most are trustworthiness, responsibility, respect, fairness, caring, and citizenship.

Good character isn’t learned in a moment or two here and there. Nor is a textbook or curriculum adequate for these qualities to be impressed on our children. We must make an effort to ensure our children see and exhibit good character qualities in all aspects of life.

How to Instill Good Character Qualities The Fun Way

Training good character is in the little things we teach. Saying please and thank you, greeting others properly, good table manners, apologizing, and more. Sometimes it’s hard to be on top of everything our children do. We may not be available to oversee their behavior. With consistent, day-by-day training, however, these important qualities will be instilled in them.

Skill Trek, an online supplemental curriculum to teach life skills, includes character instruction throughout. It begins with the idea that the skills children learn through Skill Trek benefits more than the student. They use these abilities to help and serve others.

What qualities make a good character?

In addition, the Trek adventure has lessons, beginning around age 5, specific to our child’s character. For example, preschoolers will learn to say the Pledge of Allegiance (citizenship) as well as “please” and “thank you” (respect). Kids progress to high school, where “Dealing with Peer Pressure” (trustworthiness), local government (citizenship), and “How to Avoid Debt” (responsibility) are taught.

Most of the lessons involve tasks that have the Trekkers use their skills to benefit the family or others. When learning to cook a variety of items, the kids are given the challenge to cook meals for the whole family. Or if the skill is a household chore, the child is required to perform that chore for the family.

Ways to Build Character in Your Children

The program features trail guides (or mascots) for each level. Trailblazers (pre-k through eight years old) are led by fun-loving Jasper T. Robertson, a tenacious raccoon. Roland D. Scruffbear, a loveable bear, leads the Rockhoppers (nine years through twelve years old). Followed by the wise and knowledgeable eagle, Balthazar, guides the Cragsman level (thirteen years old and up). Each of the trail guides is honest about areas in which they’ve had to learn a character quality to be a better citizen.

Unlike many at-home programs, Skill Trek involves parents’ oversight. Children are not sent to a series of instructions and left to complete them on their own, hoping for the best. This oversight helps us to guide our children, identify areas of weaknesses and strengths, and even learn a little ourselves along the way.

Good Character Traits

It’s easy to get caught up in the pressure of academic skills and not see so many other important life preparations for our children. Skill Trek will help us as parents prepare our children for life. And the best part? We will know How to Instill Good Character Qualities The Fun Way!

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Sara Elizabeth Dunn is a Christian homeschooling mom to 7. Having both typical and special needs children, ranging from preschool through high school, she not only understands the unique challenges of teaching several children with different learning styles and abilities, she has experience balancing therapy schedules with family life. She and her husband, Andrew, are the authors and creators of Skill Trek, a life skills curriculum for Kindergarten through young adult.

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Teaching kindness to your children doesn’t have to be difficult, and can even be fun with these tips! Kindness. Something we as Christians are called to “clothe” ourselves with (Colossians 3:12); one of the greatest things we can receive; one of the most difficult things to learn to give. And yet, teach it we must, for we are all very familiar with the fact that God has charged us in His Word to “Train up a child in the way he should go“. And we desire to spend time training our children in the ways of the Lord so that, as He has said, “when (they are) old, (they) will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6).

The question is how. How do we practically implement training in kindness?

First, the Oxford dictionary defines the process of training as teaching a skill or behavior through “sustained practice and instruction”. Did you catch that? “Sustained practice and instruction.” No matter which character trait you’re trying to teach, write this on the bathroom mirror or some wall where you will see it every morning and evening. Don’t think that changes are going to happen overnight. Training in any character trait will take time, practice, and patience, and more time, practice, and patience. Do not become discouraged.

Second, one of my favorite quotes by George Herbert says that “prayer should be the key of the day and the lock of the night”. Not only is this excellent advice on an individual faith level, but it is also completely applicable to our task as parents.

How to teach kindness to a child

Bathe the training of your children in prayer. Bring them, their strengths and failures, as well as your own as parents, before the Lord daily. Do not begin the day until you have asked for the Lord’s assistance, and do not close your eyes in sleep until you have praised Him for the successes and laid the trials at His feet.

Six Tips for Teaching Kindness to Your Children

1. Memorize Scripture about Kindness

Since the Bible tells us plainly that “I have hidden Your Word in my heart that I might not sin against you” (Psalm 119:11), we must trust the fact that having our children hide God’s Word in their heart will make a difference in their actions. The Word of God has power, so allow it to work in the heart of your children.

Consider memorizing verses as a family and displaying them somewhere visible in the house. A chalkboard, bulletin board, etc. would be a great idea for displaying the character trait and verses you currently have as your focus.

Be sure to refer to the verses you are memorizing when you are correcting or applauding your children’s behavior. Here are some good ones to start with:

• Mathew 7:12 – “So in everything, do to others as you would have them do to you, for this sums up  the Law and the Prophets.
• 1 Thessalonians 5:15 – “Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else.”
• 1 John 3:18 – “Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue, but with actions and in truth.”

2. Read Stories For Teaching Kindness

There’s a reason Jesus chose to teach in parables. Stories can teach a lesson in a very powerful way.

Character building in elementary aged kids creates some unique challenges for parents who want their kids to develop Godly character. I have noticed, with my own son, three areas that have significantly changed as he’s grown. 

First, that complaints and grumbling have crept in as his responsibilities within our home have increased. The novelty of being grown up enough to help with the chores has pretty much worn off. Second, I am more acutely aware of his eyes on us as parents. I have to be transparent about my own faults at all times because I am modeling behavior, good and bad. And third, his friendships have become much more important to him. Friends, of course, can influence us in negative and positive ways. Having an understanding of what a good friendship looks like is important for kids this age when it comes to character.

These are three areas that have needed to be addressed in my own home with my elementary aged child. Below I have shared ideas and examples from my own life about character training in this age group.

Here are 3 ways for real life character building in your elementary aged kids

Real life character building in elementary aged kids hurts a little

Chores provide a fantastic opportunity for character training. Here are two scenarios that happened in our home recently.

1. My son came to me after shower time one night and said he didn’t have any clean underwear.

This is what I said to him:

Wait, You didn’t bring all of your dirty laundry to the laundry room before I washed the clothes?

No? Well, then I’m sorry that you’re wearing an old pair of underwear from the back of the closet that doesn’t fit well. Yeah, I saw you fidgeting there. But, I already ran the laundry today and I won’t be doing another load. You’ll have to deal and do a load of your clothes in the morning.

Through this instance, my son has gained a deeper understanding of how nice it is when mom does his laundry for him and I didn’t have to do anything, except not do his laundry for him.

2. For quite some time my son has been complaining about having to load or unload the dishwasher.

I was getting fed up with hearing it,  thinking of all the times I had done dishes by hand in the past when I didn’t have a dishwasher. That’s when it dawned on me. I would “break” the dishwasher. I was thinking for a day or so, but it actually only took one hour and a sink-full of dishes for my son to realize that he really liked having a dishwasher. Something as simple as having to do dishes by hand really puts things in perspective.

Both of these situations are natural consequences that will make logical sense to your kid. You don’t do anything overt to get your point across. Just not fixing the problem and what’s making them uncomfortable is helping to build their character.

Your transparency is real life character building in your elementary aged kid

We all mess up. And as parents, we are in the position of being sinful people teaching other sinful people how to act. The mirror can be a scary place when you’re a parent. But, I know that God doesn’t expect perfection from me or my children and I get to share that truth with them. I try to show my kids how God is working on me by asking their forgiveness when I mess up and by modeling transparency in my struggles. Just be yourself, transparent and honest. Be human, a broken and sinful but restored human.

Teach real life character building through friendships

We can’t talk about friendship without talking about character. “As a face is reflected in water, so the heart reflects the real person.” Proverbs 27:19  A person’s actions will reflect their heart.

As my son has gotten older, friendships have had increasingly more meaning to him. We want him to make wise choices in friendships throughout his life. So, we have made talking about what a good friend looks like a priority. One of the most important things about looking at the character of a potential friend is whether or not they make a habit of sin. There is a very large distinction between sinning and making it a regular, consistent part of life.

Teach kids how to deal with their own faults by not making a habit of their sin. This is essential to being able to recognize this in their potential friends and it will help them steer clear of those relationships.

I’ve compiled a printable list of bible verses for you to share with your kids about friendship. You can download them by subscribing to my Free Resource library below. They are great for use in discussions and further study with your children on the topic of friendship. FREE Friendship Bible Verses

What I’ve Learned about Real Life Character Building in Elementary Aged Kids

I’ve found that simple is best. It’s got to be easy and quick to implement or my follow-through suffers. That’s why I love a natural consequence when it comes to my parenting. The mundane daily tasks of life have been an easy place to look for ways to build godly character in my elementary aged child.

Being transparent and upfront about my own struggles has given me credibility with my kids when it comes to character issues.

Taking the time to teach my child about what a real friendship should look like has made a difference in how my son looks at potential friendships. These are the ways I have found work best and that I am able to be consistent about.

How do you teach real life character building in your elementary aged kids?

All CURRENT BUILDING GODLY CHARACTER IN YOUR KIDS EVENT GIVEAWAYS FOUND HERE!

It takes 5 seconds for the chance to win one of these awesome prizes! After you enter, you can share with friends. For any friend you refer, you get three additional bonus entries!

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I’m Heidi, a perfectly imperfect woman, wife, and homeschooling mama who lives each day by the grace Jesus provides and a strong pot of coffee. We are a full time Rving family and spent last year roadschooling across the United States and loved every minute of it! I love National Parks and spending time with my family seeking out new adventures. https://www.poolnoodlesandpixiedust.com/

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As parents, it is very important to be consistent in character training. Consistency offers stability not only for our children but for us as well. But how can I be a more consistent parent?

Consistency is one word I dreaded hearing when I was in the earlier throes of motherhood. When I would hear the word consistency, I often heard rigid and inflexible, but we know consistency doesn’t mean that.  We better understand our way of doing the things we choose to do when we do those things with routine and purpose.

4 Practical Ways To Be Consistent In Character Training

Consistently focus on One Behavior or Routine at a Time

When I started on the path of consistency, I wanted to change everything at one time. The food we ate, the cleanliness of my daughters’ room, and I am sure much more.

If I tried to change or work on several routines or behaviors at one time, I was surely setting myself up to fail as a parent. I set my daughters up for frustration with so many new expectations at once. By choosing the behavior or routine I desired to correct the most, I could purposefully help my daughters be better at the one thing versus doing many things with not so great results.

Clean bedrooms have been a struggle in my home. It can be overwhelming for a child to put away all the things at once. Since I hadn’t consistently helped my daughter who struggles with this area the most, the overwhelming feeling can be even more overbearing for her.

Recently, we rebooted being consistent in this area for her. She has a weekly routine of cleaning her room twice a week to help it not become overwhelmingly messy.

I modeled cleaning the room, I guide her in cleaning the room if she becomes stuck, and I respond positively when she makes efforts cleaning her room. By focusing only on cleaning her room, it has not only helped her in this area, but she is slowly applying it to other areas of her life.

How to develop a strong character

Say, “No.” We have to say no to opportunities, responsibilities, and so on that cause us to become distracted as parents. When I am working to be a consistent parent, I have to say no to other things that want to distract my attention away from my children. I have to think about the effects my yeses will have not only on my schedule, but on the people who I am sharing life.

Because consistency is related to stability, I know that saying yes to everything can change our environment. If I say yes to teaching a class at 9 o’clock in the morning when I know this is the time in our home when we are coming together in our homeschool, I am teaching my daughters it’s okay to put the first things last. I don’t want to teach them that priorities aren’t a priority so this means having a proper perspective. Remember having too many things on your plate can negate consistency in your home so choose your yeses wisely.

Be Consistent in Character With Accountability

It can be hard parenting alone even when having a spouse. I know I often come up with routines without consulting my husband because I am the one who is primarily home with my daughters. Waiting to act when it comes to helping my daughters be better isn’t always in their best interest.

Although my husband may not be around when changes occur, I can inform him of the changes and the reasons for the changes. He can help me remain diligent if he knows what is going on. By having an accountability partner, I am less likely to slip into old parenting behaviors. Also, my daughters are less likely to fall back into a rut. While it is great to have another adult to help hold us accountable, our children can be a part of the accountability team too. 

In our homeschool, I am not the best at grading papers on time. My daughters know this so I asked them to help me stay on top of the duties that aren’t my favorite. Although they are a part of my accountability team for different areas around my home including helping one another stay on track, I have noticed I am more likely to simply get it done without needing them to remind me on most days because I know they are watching me. Simply enlisting others to help you be accountable can cause you to be more consistent so don’t try to go at it alone.

Consistently Be Intentional

It’s wonderful to see other people’s children behaving a certain way and doing certain things. We can admire the behaviors exhibited and activities done by our friend’s children, but we have to be careful not to force the things we admire onto our children.

When being consistent, we have to be intentional about our purpose. We have to be intentional with the systems we put into place for our children to succeed. We have to be intentional with our words and actions. To be successful, we must be intentional.

If I chose to harp on my daughters, saying, “Yes, ma’am.” after every statement they made to me, it would be fruitless. This isn’t something I care about, but in the south many people do care.

I can change my parenting style to meet the needs of others, but I don’t parent in this way. Instead I intentionally teach my daughters to be respectful of other people including both adults and children. When I intentionally teach them to be mindful of the way they interact with others, I know it really doesn’t matter if ma’am or sir follows yes.

Having a purpose and knowing your purpose for the routines and behaviors you desire your children to exhibit is truly a key to success when it comes to consistency. If you really don’t care about a behavior or routine, you will not follow through and your children are less likely to attempt to be successful. Simply stated, focus on what matters to your family.

I’ve noticed my daughters have slowly become more and more consistent in their actions by watching me model consistency. They have started to form new, better habits because they see me forming new, better habits.

All CURRENT BUILDING GODLY CHARACTER IN YOUR KIDS EVENT GIVEAWAYS FOUND HERE!

It takes 5 seconds for the chance to win one of these awesome prizes! After you enter, you can share with friends. For any friend you refer, you get three additional bonus entries!

PS Remember to enter any of the giveaways by clicking this link!

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Latonya Moore is the content creator for Joy in the Ordinary where she often writes about homeschooling, parenting, and reflections about life. She is a wife and mother of two daughters. When she isn’t homeschooling and having fun with her family, you can find her teaching math and art online at Outschool.

Character training in preschoolers really begins in toddlerhood. I know people often do not think of eighteen to thirty-six-month-olds as needing character training, but they really do! In our parenting seminars, we teach that the first four “character qualities” for toddlers are contentment, cheerfulness, submission, and obedience. Thus, when we are looking for tips for the character training of preschoolers, we really need to go back a little bit. We need to be sure that we aren’t trying to teach responsibility or diligence to a darling just-turned-three-year-old who runs the other way when called.

There is a hierarchy in parenting that we often overlook. And it starts with those first four qualities with our little ones. Character training of toddlers and preschoolers is essential for their own character development, but it also plays a crucial role in our family dynamics.

9 Tips For Character Training In Preschoolers

We homeschooled seven children for thirty-two years graduating our last child in June of 2016. Great teaching was available to us in our early parenting and homeschooling days. There was help in the areas of marriage, family living, parenting, character training, home management, and more. We’re forever grateful for the amazing help we had thirty years ago when many of these topics were not widely discussed yet.

Because we learned how to teach our little kids the aforementioned character qualities, our older children were very connected and close with their little siblings. The littles were taught to obey, and the olders loved having them around. They were a joy because they were taught character from an early age.

Character training of young children has a huge impact on their development, our family unity, our older kids’ school, and much more.

I have many blog posts, charts, products, videos, podcasts, and more about teaching littles in character. It was such a crucial part of our parenting for many, many years!

My Best Tips For Character Training In Preschoolers

1. Start adapting the toddler to your schedule and lifestyle as soon as you can.

You want to enjoy your toddler within the dynamics that your family already has instead of making everything change to meet unnecessary and often chaotic demands that a toddler who is given his own way all the time can often make. See my Avoiding the Terrible Two’s teaching.

2. Remember that you are setting the stage right now for your child’s “tastes.”

•  You can set his tastes for defiance (allowing screaming, throwing, thrashing, and “no” from him) or submission.
• Set his tastes for selfishness and meanness. Don’t allow hitting or other forms of striking or give in to him when he wants something that someone else has. Avoid making his surroundings whatever he wants (i.e. no bedtime, no sitting in a high chair, etc.) due to “fits” or for kindness, gentleness, sweetness, and tenderness.
• You can set his tastes for hyper-stimulation and activity (too much running; no scheduled downtimes; television and videos all the time) or for simple things (books, healthy toys, rest, etc.).
•  You can set his tastes to lack focus and not enjoy learning (again, too much video, not starting out with books and simple music; an avalanche of cartoons and children’s programming (some of which are developed in two-second bits to keep up with short attention spans, thus, causing kids’ attention spans not to lengthen as they should) or a love for learning (via books, strong family learning, and discussion times, etc.).

3. Decide ahead of time what your “behavior absolutes” are.

•  These are the behaviors or character that you absolutely will not allow in your home. What you allow now will become the “acceptable behaviors” to your child. These seemingly innocent actions include “fibbing,” hitting, running the other way when called, etc.
•  For us, these “behavior absolutes” included talking back (no toddler saying “no” without being punished); lying or deceit; temper tantrums; and striking (hitting, pulling hair, throwing things at someone, etc.). Obviously, we wanted our kids to learn to obey and submit to us and to learn the many character qualities that are crucial to living a Christian life, but these four things were things we never wavered on—and things that we made huge deals out of when they were not adhered to by the toddler/preschooler.

4. Start showing your little one the joy of doing what is right.

Contentment in your own life, the blessing of work, the joy of loving God and His people—and all of the character that you want your little one to adopt in his life—love, longsuffering, diligence, responsibility, and more will more likely be realized in our kids’ lives when we ourselves embrace and model them.

5. Start the day out right!

Teach getting up after the child asks only. Children running around in the morning unsupervised does not help with character training (and makes Mom a little harried too!). By teaching children to stay in their beds until they ask to get up, everybody starts on the right foot. (More about bedtime and structure HERE.

6. Provide structure for preschoolers.

While preschoolers do not need a minute-by-minute schedule, structure in their day will help their character training greatly. The days are long for little children. Breaks in the action, differing activities, etc., help this age greatly. I liked to think in terms of blocks of time of day and I even called them by their names. Teach character all the time! 

For example:

• Morning routine
• Morning reading
• Content reading
• Bible time
• Morning chore session
• Playtime
• Room time
• Listen time
• Lunch chore time
• Lunchtime
• Story Time
• Free time

7. Add your preschooler to your school day and other daily activities as soon as it is appropriate.

I started out with morning routine time for them, then added chore time for them. As soon as they could play on the floor quietly, they were a part of our read aloud and unit studies. When you need focused time with your other kids, you can still teach your littles much-needed focusing skills by using room time and play time strategies.

8. Don’t rush academics in children who have not learned to obey first.

Once a kindergartner knows how to obey and cooperate, adding more academics will be easy. (Check out my preschool and kindergarten curriculum here.)  Build a love for learning in them in low key ways .

9. Lastly, don’t lose hope!

You can turn character training in preschoolers’ around with diligence and consistency.

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Donna Reish is the homeschooling mother of seven children, ages sixteen to thirty-one. She has written nearly fifty curriculum books for two publishers over the past twelve years, including, among others, “Character Quality Language Arts,” “Meaningful Composition,” and “Really Writing” (ebooks). She and her husband own and operate a homeschooling publishing company and cottage class provider, Character Ink (formerly Training for Triumph); Christian parenting ministry/seminar, “Raising Kids With Character”; and “Character Ink” blog. Additionally, the couple has written a Christian parenting book titled, The Well-Trained Heart.

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Do you find yourself asking, “How can I help my ADHD child with chores?” As a parent, you will face many challenges in raising your kids to do chores well. So many character traits are taught through this one area. If you are helping your child with ADHD do household chores, you already know that there are additional challenges you will face. There will be times they resist what you ask them to do, there may be times they are defiant or test your boundaries, and there are times when kids just need to learn things for themselves (often the hard way).

Daily routines such as schoolwork or bedtime can be real battles but when it comes to things like household chores or cleaning, you may feel like your ADHD child is battling you on purpose by refusing to do them or to do them correctly.

How To Help Your Child With ADHD Do Household Chores

The difference is that children with ADHD are not trying to be rude or defiant when they struggle with things or have symptoms of their ADHD. (Symptoms of ADHD include inattention, impulsivity, and hyperactivity.) Your child will need to learn to overcome and adapt to his symptoms so he can function in the world around him.

Listen carefully mom as this is one of the most important things you can ever learn. Your ADHD child is not intentionally ignoring you, being defiant, or disobeying you. In addition, your child is not lazy or stupid.

ADHD is a medical diagnosis, not a character flaw.

To understand why ADHD children struggle with household chores requires an understanding of ADHD and how the brain of someone with it works. Your child may have trouble with tasks that take a lot of mental effort. They can struggle to remember multiple rules or instructions told at once, and can have trouble concentrating or staying still in one place.

These, along with many other symptoms of ADHD, can make it very difficult to complete certain tasks, such as household chores. It’s not that they don’t want to do it. It’s that their condition is getting in the way. You need to be intentional about helping your child with ADHD do household chores or other tasks.

So how can you help an ADHD child do chores?

Here are some suggestions to give your child the best chance of completing household chores and other tasks, even with the challenges of ADHD.

Be a great role model.

One of the best things you can ever do is be a good role model for your child with ADHD by doing the household chores yourself. Help your child learn tricks or tips to make cleaning and chores easier. Take time to do them together when you can, or to try to make it fun. Never say bad or negative things about chores in front of your child.

Set few rules, but stick to them.

You want to keep the family rules to a minimum but also be consistent with them. Too many rules will be difficult for a child with ADHD to adhere to, so keep them basic, easy to understand, and with clear enforcement of what happens when breaking them. Then, stick to it.

Establish daily routines to help your ADHD child do chores.

Routines are super important to children with ADHD. The more routines you have, the more structure there is in the day. Your child will know what is coming and what is expected of her. This makes it easier to remember. Household chores that are made into part of the daily routine will become like second-nature to your child.

Have family meetings.

Family meetings are a place to sit and talk about expectations. To look at what’s working and what isn’t, and any other issues any members of the family might have. This is a chance for your family members to air any grievances as well.

Work together to solve problems.

If something isn’t working, try to find out why and work together on a solution. If your child is struggling to do a certain chore, or regularly forgetting to do it, try to determine the reason for this and find a solution together.

Allow your child to fidget.

When you’re giving instructions, you can let your child fidget. If you’re not sure if he was listening, you can just ask follow-up questions to be sure he understands. It’s not hurting anything and it can help your child concentrate on what you’re saying.

Reward your child for good behavior.

Positive reinforcement is very helpful for children with ADHD. They will often feel like they are messing up or “doing everything wrong” and it can be a big motivator to praise them for a job well done.

These are just a few tips to get you started with helping your child with ADHD do household chores.

Continue to look for ways to communicate with your child and work together to teach him these skills. He will take them with him for the rest of his life.

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Marcy Crabtree is a Christian homeschooling mom to one teen son. An encourager at heart, she is passionate about cultivating relationships with other moms and spends much of her time doing so both on her blog, Ben and Me .

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