The Character Corner

Raising Godly children with strong Christian Character

How To Choose Homeschool Curriculum Like a Pro

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Homeschool curriculum that has a Biblical worldview
Do you wonder how to choose homeschool curriculum for the year without feeling overwhelmed and stressed?  It can be an intimidating task, as there are so many great products to choose from.

What if I told you that it doesn’t have to be that hard?

In fact, would you believe that with these 7 simple steps you can choose homeschool curriculum like a pro?

Choose homeschool curriculum

How to choose  home school curriculum – 7 Easy Steps

1.  Pray.

This ranks up there at the top of the list.  God led you to homeschool your children, and He will guide you as you make your curriculum choices.  There is no need to figure it out all on your own! God invites you to call on Him and seek His wisdom.

If  any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God…”  James 1:5

“Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”  Proverbs 3;5,6

2.  Remember your philosophy and goals.

The most important thing you to consider when choosing curriculum is whether it  is in line with your family’s purpose for homeschooling.  As you are loooking, be sure and remember WHY you are homeschooling, as well as what your priorities are.

I suggest going back and reading your homeschool mission statement as you begin to start thinking about what curriculum to purchase. Look for materials that will help you achieve our goals and priorities.

While the academics are very important, more important to us was pointing the kids to God and His Word, and helping them to develop godly character.  We wanted them to learn how to reason and think — or develop wisdom.

“Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom:  Proverbs 4:7″

3.  Ask these things about the curriculum you are considering:

  • Is it teacher led or for independent learning?
  • How much preparation time does it require?
  • Does it explain the topic well for topics you struggle to teach?
  • Can it be adapted easily to use with several kids?
  • Will it work for MY child?  Each child is different, so consider their needs.

4. Consider these three things:  

1, What kind of home school teacher are you?

Do you need something that tells you exactly what to say, teach, and do?  Or are you the type that will just take the book and kind of make it work for you?  Do you have time to write lesson plans out or do other required preparation?  If it is going to stress you, don’t buy it!

2.  How do your kids learn?

Hands on, auditory, visual?  Considering that will make a huge difference in your choices, as well as save you some frustration as you choose curriculum that aligns with and compliments their way of learning.  Choose materials that compliment their learning.

3.  What goals do you have for their learning?

God gave you those children with specific personalities and needs.  The curriculum is a tool to help you disciple your kids, and teach them what God want you to.  Will the materials help you accomplish those goals?

5.  The best curriculum doesn’t matter if your kids are out of control, or have no character.

Any attempts to teach skills and content without first addressing obedience will be met with frustration.  You can’t teach them to read or do anything else if they won’t obey you.  This is top priority. Character training lessons or curriculum pave the way for success with the academic curriculum that you choose.

Your child must learn to obey, first and foremost, or you can never serve as his teacher.  Teaching him to obey, to do his work and stick with it, to follow instructions, not to interrupt, and much more requires your diligent supervision and follow-through.  That is the work of parenting, really.

6.  Ask experienced, veteran homeschoolers for input and advice.

Whether it’s going to support group meetings, or to a home school conference, it is wise to learn from those who have been on the homeschooling journey for awhile.  They often have lots of wisdom to offer you from their years of homeschooling, as well as from the mistakes they learned from.

Another great source of  advice is curriculum resource guides.  I used (and loved!) Cathy Duffy’s Christian Home Educator’s Curriculum. (She has one for elementary and Junior/Senior High.) I used it every year as I made curriculum choices.

7.  Consider your budget.

You will pay more for a curriculum that has all the bells and whistles, which you may not really need.  Depending on your confidence, you may or may not need to pay for the teacher’s guide.

SEE:  9 FRUGAL WAYS TO SAVE ON HOMESCHOOL CURRICULUM

7.  Remember, there is no PERFECT curriculum.

 What is most important is that it works for your family, and helps you to reach your goals.

The quote below by  Christine Field about choosing curriculum sums it all up very well:

The longer I homeschool, the more apparent it becomes that learning isn’t about stuff at all.  It’s about talking, relating, sharing, inspiring, and loving.  It’s also about my basic attitude toward learning and life.  I want my children to learn godly character, good habits, research skills, and some specific material, but most importantly I want them to learn to love learning. If they learn nothing else from me, that’s enough.

 Overriding all other considerations concerning the choices my husband and I make as homeschoolers are these two questions:

Will our children learn to love God?

Will our children learn to love learning?

If our curriculum fails to address either of these priorities, we are misguided.  We must not allow ourselves to get so sidetracked by the “experts” that we forget the important thing–training our children’s hearts for the Lord.

With these tips on how to choose homeschool curriculum, you can eliminate the stress and overwhelm and make choices with confidence!

For help on choosing curriculum with a Biblical worldview, sign up for the FREE Homeschool Curriculum Online Summit!  It starts today March 25th and goes through March 30, 2019.

The Curriculum summit is a week of video interviews with 25+ Christian homeschool curriculum creators and providers.  (including Ken Ham, Steve Demme,  and Andrew Pudewa)

You will get expert guidance with an inside look into the heart of curriculum packages, including:

  • Math
  • Science
  • Language Arts
  • History
  • Social Studies

…..and the right tools to bring it all together.

Get a FREE Copy of

60 Homeschooling Tips From 60 Years
60 Homeschooling Tips From 60 Years

Tips For Intentional Character Training

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Homeschool curriculum that has a Biblical worldview

There are several ways that our kids learn character, but the most important and effective method is INTENTIONAL character training. We can talk about how important character training is, and how we hope our kids will develops Godly character. However, the truth is that it doesn’t just happen.  It takes work, time, teaching, and training.

It requires a plan of what you want them to learn, and how you are going to teach it to them.  You need to be intentional about training your kids in character if you really want to see them grow and become more like Christ.

Here are some ways you can be intentional with character training:

1.  Take advantage of opportunities that come up in the day.

Often we fail to take advantage of those teaching moments that we have during normal daily life.  For example, when one of the kids helps a younger one, comment on how kind they are being.

If one of them picks up toys without being told praise them for showing initiative.  If one of them walks away from an argument, make a big deal about them being a peacemaker.

The more you talk about the good character traits that they are showing, the more they will try to please you in those areas.  Kids just love to make their parents happy, and the best thing we can do is let them know WHAT pleases us so they can repeat it.

I would suggest using character charts to help you look for the good in your child’s behavior, as well as to keep them encouraged.

2.  When correction is necessary, always point them to God’s Word.

Show them what God says about the behavior, and pray with them about doing what God says is right.  This shouldn’t be done in a negative way, but a positive way. 

Here is the way we usually approached it:

I know how much you love God, and that you want to please Him, but when you acted like that (did that, said that…) God wasn’t pleased. Let’s go to His Word and see what He says about that, and find some answers.  

Training & Correcting the Heart With Scripture is a great resource for finding verses that relate to the issue you are dealing with.  It covers the most common behaviors kids struggle with, and gives Scripture to go with each one.

3.  Give them Godly role models.

One of the best ways to teach your kids what Godly character looks like in every day life, is to introduce them to Godly role models.  This can be adults in the church, relatives that are a good example, or even reading biographies to them about great Christians.

4.  Pray daily for their character to grow and develop.

One of my favorite things to tell parents is that we need to work as thought it all depends on us, and pray as though it all depends on God. We need to do our part to diligently teach and train our kids to have Godly character, but then ask God to do His work in their heart.

Even when you get discouraged and don’t see the results as soon as you were hoping, you need to stay faithful in working AND praying, trusting God will do His part.

Praying consistently for your children to grow in character is one of the best things you can do for them! If you need some help and encouragement in this area, join me for  our 30 Day Prayer Challenge: Praying Biblical Virtues For Your Children

5.  Praise good character more than good grades or physical appearance.

If you praise them for being smart or pretty, they will think that is what you value. (And really they have no control over if they are smart or pretty.)  Let them know how thrilled you are when you see them making wise choices, or being kind to a sibling,  doing school work with a good attitude, etc.

Brag about their character to the grandparents or your spouse when they can hear you.  That will just encourage their heart, and make them realize how pleased you are about them showing good character.

6.  Teach daily character lessons in a fun, practical way that will help them apply the lessons to their daily lives.

Making sure that our kids are being taught regular character lessons is much more important than making sure they learn math or history everyday.

Add to your faith, virtue (character), and to virtue, knowledge.... II Peter 1;5

I found that when we took the first part of our day and gave it to God by getting into His Word, and working on character training, God blessed the remaining part of the day.  It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that you are too busy and don’t have time for that, but in reality, we make time for what is important to us.

God says that faith and character should come before knowledge (academics), so it only makes sense that He will bless our day when we follow His priorities.

Just a couple of tips about teaching character lessons to your kids daily

**They don’t have to be long and drawn out.  

Depending on their ages, I always suggest stopping the lesson BEFORE they get bored with it.  You want them to enjoy and look forward to learning about Godly character, so keep it short. 

**Make the lessons  practical, but fun. 

Most kids, regardless of their age, will enjoy lessons more if you do some hands on activities to demonstrate what you are teaching,  if you do some role playing with right and wrong responses, or play some kind of game to illustrate and help make the lesson more applicable.

I am going to share some of my favorite Character Training Curriculums to help you get started, if you aren’t sure where to begin.

(The first two on the list are ones that I wrote for the purpose of providing fun, hands on learning that made the lessons applicable for younger kids.  The other ones listed are what we used for our kids as they got a little bit older, or that I highly recommend.)

Little Lads & Ladies of Virtue  Preschool & Early Elementary Character Curriculum

Lads & Ladies of Virtue Elementary Character Curriculum

Character Badges

Character Building For Families 

The Young Peacemaker

A Content Heart

My Brother’s Keeper, Because I Said So

Christian Character

If you want to be more intentional about character training, I encourage you to join me for the free 10 day Building Godly Character Intentionally Challenge! 

New Bride Advice For My Daughter

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When we had a wedding shower for my daughter we asked all the ladies who attended to write a short bit of new bride advice for my daughter.  I was busy kind of leading things at the shower, so I didn’t write anything.  When we got home and she was reading the advice given, my daughter asked me where my bride advice was!

bride advice from 40 years

I don’t claim to be an authority on marriage, but after 40 years of being married I know from experience some of the things that are important to do or NOT do. 

RELATED:  THIS MAMA’S TEARS  & PRAYERS (written after she got married)

I am sharing some of those thoughts, as well as some bride advice I was given that has helped me over the last 40 years of marriage.

These 25 tips for a lasting marriage are good for us at any season of our marriage, and something we need to be reminded of often.

New Bride Advice For My Daughter:

1.  Keep Christ first in your life, and in your home.

He will guide your thoughts, and His Word will give direction when needed.

2.  Pray together every night before going to bed.

This creates a oneness and closeness of spirit as you bring your needs and desires before God together.

3.  Set a positive tone when he comes home after working all day. 

Be happy, so he’s happy to come home. Smile often, and do what you can to maintain a pleasant mood about you so that it transfers to your home.

4.  Realize that you won’t agree on everything, and learn to compromise.

5.  Be excited about the things he is excited about.

6.  Show interest in his work, and ask how his day went, etc.

7.  When you are tired or don’t feel well, don’t be crabby.  Instead sweetly express how you feel.

8.  Don’t go to bed angry – EVER.

9.  Don’t EVER say anything bad about your husband to ANYONE.

10.  You should each choose a person to go to for individual counsel when you are struggling.

Your spouse should agree on the choice that you make and be comfortable with you talking to that person.  This could be a parent, pastor, older couple, etc. but should be someone who has had a successful marriage for a long time – not a newlywed!

11.  Don’t be too proud to ask for help/counsel when you are struggling. 

It’s normal to have problems in marriage as you learn to adjust to living with another person.  The couple that makes it is the couple that gets help rather than letting the problems build up.

12.  When you are feeling irritated at him, stop and pray for him.

Thank God for all the good things you can think of about him.  This will change your perspective.  Dwell on his strengths, and not his  weaknesses.  When he does something you think is stupid, forgive him. You will do stupid things too, and want him to forgive you!) CHOOSE to love, and commit to pray!

PRAYING SCRIPTURE FOR YOUR HUSBAND 30 DAY CHALLENGE

13.  Don’t expect him to make you happy.

Hopefully he will, but happiness is a choice.  He can’t meet every need of yours, nor can he know what they all are.  Only God can do that.

Marriage is God’s design and you must try to fulfill His purposes in order for you to be truly happy.

14.  Don’t ever betray his trust by not being honest or by hiding things from him.  Relationships are built on trust.

15.  Always encourage him when he wants to do anything to serve the Lord.

Help him if you can.  If you discourage him, he may lose that desire, and there will come a time when you will wish you had encouraged him to stay faithful to God.

16.  Admire him, be thankful for all he does, speak well of him, and be his cheerleader.

If you don’t, he will be vulnerable to the lady who DOES admire him.

17.  Don’t be possessive.

Give him time to do things he enjoys, and don’t begrudge him for it.  Find things you enjoy doing also, so you can stay busy when he is pursuing an interest of his.

18.  If you find you don’t feel interested in him, unhappy, or unable to work through issues, do not even allow yourself to think about DIVORCE. 

You took vows before a holy God, and He has joined you together. No matter what happens now, you are in this for life.  There’s no  door out.  Realizing that will  help you work through the hard times.

19.  Guard your marriage and fight for it! 

The devil would love to destroy it, and you need to realize that any struggles you have with your husband are not really between him and you, but are a spiritual battle.  Fight the enemy, not your husband!  You two are on the same team.

20.  Stay fun and do fun, crazy things together.

Laughter is the glue that helps to hold a relationship together.

21.  Communicate your needs and feelings.

Don’t expect him to read your mind, and don’t get upset when he DOESN’T know what is bothering you.  Guys don’t get it sometimes, and need to be told.  🙂

22.  Make your own family traditions and memories.

23.  Have rules for fighting:

  • No bringing up issues that have been settled in the past – only talk about the current issue
  • No name calling or putting down
  • If either of you are getting angry and out of control, agree to take a break and come back to it after cooling down
  • Assume the best about each other. Many fights start simply by assuming the worst which isn’t fair to the other person
  • Take turns talking.  Let the other person finish, and wait for your turn—- no interrupting!

24.  Overlook little things.

When irritated by something he does or has done, ask yourself if it will matter in a week?  Don’t stress over the things that really don’t matter!

25.  Remember that out of all the girls he could have chosen, he chose YOU to be his wife. 

He chose to marry you and spend the rest of his life with you.  With that came the responsibility of working and sacrificing  to provide for you for the rest of his life!  He willingly agreed to that responsibility because he loves you and wants to take care of you.

 Grab this free printable: 25 TIPS FOR A LASTING MARRIAGE

20 Encouraging Bible Verses For Homeschooling Moms

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encouraging Bible verses for Homeschooling moms

One of the great benefits of homeschooling is that it causes us to depend on the Lord!  As we face difficult situations or discouragement, it causes us to go to Him to seek His wisdom.  The best thing you can do is claim some Scripture to help you and encourage you. Here are 20 encouraging Bible verses for homeschooling moms, compiled from my favorite verses for strength and encouragement on my 31 year homeschool journey.

1 Thessalonians 5:24 

Faithful is he that calleth you, who also will do it.

Isaiah 54:13  

And all thy children shall be taught of the Lord; and great shall be the peace of thy children.

Proverbs 24:3-4

Through wisdom is an house builded; and by understanding it is established:  And by knowledge shall the chambers be filled with all precious and pleasant riches.

Proverbs 16:3  

Commit thy works unto the Lord, and thy thoughts shall be established.

James 1:5  

If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not:  and it shall be give him. 

Deuteronomy 6:6,7

And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down,and when thou risest up.

II Corinthians 3:5-6 

Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think any thing as of ourselves; but our sufficiency is of God;

II Corinthians 12:9  

And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

II Timothy 1:12  

For the which cause I also suffer these things: nevertheless I am not ashamed: for I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against that day.

Psalm 121: 1-2  

I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.   My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth.

Isaiah 41:13  

For I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee.

Philippians 4:13  

I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

Colossians 3:23-24  

And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;  Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ.

Psalm 127:1

Except the Lord build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the Lord keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain.

Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.  In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

Psalm 32:8

 I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go: I will guide thee with mine eye.

1 Corinthians 15:58

Therefore, my beloved brethren, be ye stedfast, unmoveable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, forasmuch as ye know that your labour is not in vain in the Lord.

Matthew 11:28-29

 Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.   Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

Galatians 6:9  

And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.

Isaiah 40:31  

But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

TO KEEP THESE VERSES HANDY, I HAVE A FREE PRINTABLE WITH ALL 20 VERSES FOR YOU TO KEEP IN YOUR BIBLE!

3 Things To Remember When You LOSE IT With Your Kids

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We’ve all had those parenting moments which we wish we could forget.  You know, those times when you lose it with your kids!

In an effort to encourage you, I’m going to be transparent today and share with you one of my “not so good parenting moments.”

I  got to hear my son preach this past Sunday, and he used the following following  story as an illustration for his point about realizing that people are flawed and will make mistakes.  We need to give them grace like we would want them to do for us.

He recalled the time when he was a teen boy around 16 or 17 years old, and had come downstairs to ask me a question about something.

He walked into my office where I had been attempting to get some work done, and found his 3 youngest siblings standing near me carrying on a big argument.

Just as he walked in as an innocent bystander, I  reached my limit and yelled “All of you just get out of here.  I can’t take any more!”  

As the kids were hastily making their exit, he heard one of them kind of mutter, “What’s wrong with HER?!”  

Being the mature young man he was, he commented that he thought I was probably having a rough day and needed a break.

After telling this story in his sermon, my son commented on how unusual that was for me, and that I was normally the most even-tempered person he knew, and this was  a time that I needed to be loved and given grace.

HERE’S THE THING THAT IS ENCOURAGING.  

He thought I was even-tempered, and that my outburst was unusual for me.  I however knew better.  Having eight kids I had many moments of frustration, and those outbursts weren’t as unusual as he thought.

BUT he didn’t remember those outbursts.  He remembered me as being happy and even tempered. I’m so glad he remembered the positive!

If you are feeling guilty about those times when you lose it with your kids, or worried that they will never forget those times, here are some encouraging thoughts to help you.

3 Things To Remember When You LOSE IT With Your Kids:

1. Be sure to apologize when you have lost control and lashed out.

Kids are SO quick to forgive, and as this story shows, they also forget.

When you take the blame admitting that you messed up,  and ask their forgiveness, they give it.

When you remind them that you love them, they are quick to return those words along with a hug.

2.  Your kids aren’t going to be ruined because you lose it now and then.

Seriously.  Sometimes we can get so concerned and go on a guilt trip about being a bad mom, when really we need to just remember that we are human.

It doesn’t excuse our behavior or make it right, but it shows our kids that we are still growing and need God’s help.

This encourages them to keep trying to do right.

3.  Your kids will remember the fun times and the good times you had together.

When you normally have fun with your kids, those good times are stored in their memories.  They treasure those times, and when they look back, those are the times that are going to stand out in their memories.

As a parent you should make a determined effort to stay calm and not lose it with your kids, but also give yourself grace when you fail.   Always apologize for the times you do blow it, and strive to be a happy, loving parent who gives your kids lots of happy memories.

If you tend to get angry with your children, be sure and grab this free download: 

HOW TO RESPOND TO YOUR ANGER
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The Top 3 Priorities You Need to Succeed as a Tired Mom

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If I had to choose one word to describe the past 35 years of parenting our eight children, I would choose the word EXHAUSTING.  Don’t get me wrong.  I think motherhood is WONDERFUL, and I love it.  But it is also emotionally, mentally, and physically draining at times.  If you can relate, let me share some priorities you need to succeed as a tired mom.

At some point between the birth of my oldest and youngest,  I realized that by keeping these priorities in place,  I was able to be a better and happier mom.

priorities you need to succeed as a tired mom

It is hard to focus on what matters and meet the needs of your family when you are constantly worn out. I know there are times when that can’t be helped — like when you have a new baby,  when there are sick kids to be taken care of, or when you’re just caught up in an extra busy time temporarily.  However, you don’t want to let it be the norm to live in an exhausted state continually.

The Top 3 Priorities You Need to Succeed as a Tired Mom

1.  MAKE TIME FOR SELF-RENEWAL A PRIORITY.

It isn’t selfish to put yourself at the top of the priority list. If you don’t take time to nourish yourself spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically you will burn out.

You will no longer enjoy your kids, and normal activities will seem like a chore to you.  I knew I was at that point when I found myself sighing about every little thing the kids needed help with, or asked me to do for them.

You can’t give water from an empty well, and you can’t serve and care for your family when you are burned out..

Plan time weekly for self-renewal. Put it in your schedule, and make sure it happens regularly!  If you don’t plan for it, it won’t happen.  

This time can be as simple as having your husband keep the kids for a couple hours while you go out with a friend, Another option is having a set time weekly just to do something you enjoy, whether that is reading a good book, working on a hobby, or going shopping.  Find what is relaxing and refreshing for YOU.

2.  MAKE GETTING ENOUGH SLEEP A PRIORITY.

When you are younger you may be able to get away with burning the candle at both ends, and not getting as much sleep as you should.  However, it WILL CATCH UP TO YOU, and your health will suffer in the long run.  God designed our bodies to need rest, and it’s important that we are good stewards of our bodies.

Don’t fall into the trap of staying up late because that’s the only time you can get things done!  It’s easy to do, but it’s not a healthy habit. When you’re not getting enough sleep, it tends to change your perspective.  Everything seems worse than it would normally, and it’s easy to feel overwhelmed when you are suffering from lack of sleep.

If you have a little one that gets or keeps you up at night, take advantage of nap time.  Sleep while they sleep!

3. MAKE TIME FOR GOD’S WORD A PRIORITY.

When we are tired, it’s extra important to stay in God’s Word. We are more prone to listen to the lies of the devil when we are struggling with fatigue, and we need the Bible to fill our minds with God’s truth.  

When we forget to take time for God and His Word, we then struggle to handle things in our own strength, which leads to more fatigue and then discouragement.  

Related:  Busy Mom’s Guide To Finding Time With God

They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. Isaiah 40:31

Go to God’s Word and get His wisdom and guidance for the day.  Don’t try to parent in your own strength, when God’s Word is there to give you direction and guidance.  

Find a promise to claim and carry with you through out the day.  It will help renew your weary spirit when you mediate on God’s Word and His promises.

Do you feel exhausted constantly, and like you’re running on empty?  Focus on these priorities you need as a tired mom, so you can be your best! 

If you want to be more intentional as a mom, I invite you to join me for my FREE 5 day email challenge:  Being Intentional As A Mom
Yes, I want to be an intentional mom!

Staying Sane When Things Don’t Go As Planned In Your Homeschool

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How do you stay sane when things don’t go as planned in your homeschool? We ALL have days when things just don’t go according to our plans!

staying sane when things don't go as planned in your homeschool

You wake up in the morning with grand plans to start homeschool right on time, conquer every lesson with infectious joy, take an Instagram-worthy trip to the park, and have a carb friendly, kid friendly, veggie laden dinner on the table at 6.

You climb out of bed and step smack into reality: the dog threw up on the carpet and the Roomba worked right through it.

Breakfast starts late, and you end up eating cold cereal in an attempt to get back on schedule.

The baby wakes up with a fever, the 4 year old’s pull-up leaked, and now you’ve got an extra load of laundry that will just end up on the couch with the load from yesterday that never got folded.

You finally sit down with some lessons and realize you don’t have the book you meant to check out from the library, one kiddo took his math to his room and lost it, and the science project takes twice as long as the manual said it would.

After struggling all day to find a rhythm, you get ready to make dinner but you realize that you forgot to thaw the chicken.

Nothing. Goes. As. Planned.

When moments, days, or even weeks go on like this, we can get so discouraged. In that place of discouragement, we simply aren’t the mamas that we want or need to be!

Here are 5 strategies for staying sane when things don’t go as planned:

1. Expect the unexpected.

Dave Ramsey is a personal finance guru, and if you are familiar with any of his courses, you know that there is no such thing as an unexpected expense. It is a given that at some point the car will break down, the fridge will stop working, or the kiddos will get sick.

We don’t know WHEN unexpected things might happen, but we know that they WILL happen, so we budget for those things.

The same is true for life’s interruptions. We don’t know when things will go wrong, but we do know they will. So we can “budget” our time for them by having margin in our day.

Margin is like white space on the page of your day. We don’t fill up every second of every day with something that has to get done. (This one is REALLY hard for me because I am an engineer by education and a planner by nature — I want to be productive!)

Take a look at your day…do you have any margin built in?

When we expect and plan for disruptions, we temper their shock factor so they don’t throw us for a loop.

RELATED:  TOOLS TO MINIMIZE CHAOS WITH KIDS

2. Topple our idols of perfectionism.

When things don’t go as planned, frustration occurs because we think we know how things should go. I mean, we planned the lessons, right?

We know what the kids should learn, when they should learn it, and and how they should behave as they learn it!

We also know precisely how our home should look. We know exactly where the Konmari matched socks belong and how the plates should get loaded into the dishwasher. We are the managers of our home, so this makes sense.

If things aren’t done our way and we then experience a very high level of frustration or stress, that clues us us to the reality that we are essentially making idols out of our expectations!

The idols of unmet expectations trip us up and disrupts not only our day, but even how we feel about our life and worth as a homeschooling mama.

RELATED:  4 REASONS TO EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED IN HOMESCHOOLING

Ouch! I don’t like to think that I have idols, but I do. Anything that has a hold on my heart (evidenced by the power I give it over how I feel and how I treat my family) is an idol!

So let’s topple those idols and put them in their proper place…at the foot of the cross!

3. Turn our expectations into intentions.

Unmet expectations lead to disappointment. Disappointments piled up over time lead to discouragements. Discouragement, when left to fester, can turn into full fledged depression.

And as homeschooling mamas, we tend to get pretty rigid with our expectations. The stakes are high, right? That is why so many of us spend too much time discouraged!

The key problem is this: We put expectations on people and situations that we have zero control over! We can’t control the weather, or when our kiddos get sick, or our children’s attitudes.

But as much as we can, especially regarding expectations that we have on ourselves, we can turn our expectations into intentions!

Instead of expecting that I will get this math lesson completed today (discouragement danger zone), I intend to spend as much time as necessary working with my child until they understand this math lesson. (No opportunity for disappointment!)

Instead of expecting my kiddo to go and clean their room on their own, I intend to encourage and teach my child to follow instructions so that they can clean their room when asked.

This perspective shift can mean the difference between discouragement and peace.

4. Ultimately we must trust that God is sovereign and God is good.

What we perceive as disruptions can actually be divine interventions.

Remember the idols that I mentioned above? If we are truly trusting the Lord with our day, then we can be confident and rest in the plans of the Creator of the Universe!

Conversations happen that wouldn’t have happened, precious teaching moments pop up, we hone spiritual disciplines (like patience and endurance), we are forced to trust the Lord more, and we end up in places we never would have gone.

“A man’s heart plans his way, but the LORD determines his steps.”
Proverbs 16:11

So settle into God’s plans (even if they don’t seem to make any sense) and keep your eyes on an eternal perspective. We truly can trust the Lord with our day, missing library books, dog vomit, and all!

5. Teach your kiddos to have a high contingency tolerance.

During our time as missionaries in Guatemala our plans were just constantly disrupted.

Road blocks meant that trips were delayed or cancelled. Power outages meant no internet. The water going out meant stinky people and no way to wash dishes.

Once, during a nationwide protest, all major roads were blocked. A visiting friend couldn’t leave our house for days. He had other plans, but didn’t seem phased that his plans were going up in smoke like the tires that were burning in the road. We were amazed at how even keel he was, absolutely at peace.

He had what another missionary friend called a high contingency tolerance.

A contingency is “something that might possibly happen in the future, usually causing problems or making further plans and arrangements necessary.” Does that sound familiar?

Because of his great trust in the Lord, our friend had no problem moving from plan A all the way to plan D, E, or even F! You see, he was a missionary kid in Guatemala and learned from his childhood that interruptions and failed plans were not only an expected part of life, but also precious opportunities to learn to trust the Lord.

I know I want this kind of trust for my kiddos. I can use even small disruptions as a way to teach my children this concept. I can teach them to have this high contingency tolerance! I can use disruptions as a way to build faith in my kiddos, but I have to be intentional.

When things don’t go as planned in your homeschool day, it can truly throw you for a loop. If you aren’t expecting the disruptions, or if you have set up our own plans as idols, these disruptions can cause serious discouragement that bleeds over into all areas of your life.

But with a strategy for staying sane when things don’t go as planned in your homeschool, by changing your perspective, turning your expectations into intentions, and by ultimately learning to trust the Lord more with your days, you can  thrive in the midst of the crazy!

Want to get help creating routines that actually work to stem the chaos?

Sign up for our FREE Mini-Course below:  How to Create Morning and Evening Routines. The course takes less than an hour, but can truly change how smoothly your day runs!

*****

Jenny Scott is the founder of Fully Charged Mamas and Thriving Mama Academy where she helps mamas gain life-giving perspective and create routines to help them thrive in their mothering journey. She is a pastor’s wife, mother to 4 awesome kiddos, and a veteran at making her home life run smoothly. After graduating with her degree in Industrial Engineering, Jenny jumped into motherhood and after a lot of trial and error, learned how to put her engineering skills to work in managing her home. After 10 years in Guatemala serving as missionaries, Jenny and her family moved back to the United States where her passion for seeing mamas thrive in their marriages and homes has grown exponentially. Jenny’s heartbeat is that every mother learns her worth in the Lord Jesus Christ, and leans into Him: trusting Him with their successes and failures, rejecting self-sufficiency, and embracing their inadequacies. Jenny has been teaching and discipling women for over 17 years, and is excited to share what the Lord has taught her.

10 Ways To Restore Relationships Damaged by Anger

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Learn the parenting mistakes to avoid and what to do instead to prevent rebellion or pushing your kids away.

Has your anger  hurt the relationship with your children? Anger is one of the most common reasons that we lose the hearts of our children. However, it is possible to restore relationships damaged by anger, and win back the hearts of our children.

restore relationships damaged by anger

Recently I posted the following status on my Facebook page:

Parents who want to influence their children can’t rely only on their authority to keep their kids obedient. If we want to have significant influence on them, we must have their hearts.

A reader messaged me in response to this post and asked:

“How do I recapture and retain their hearts?? I’ve parented in anger far too often. I know they know I love them, and I apologize frequently. I just feel guilty for losing my temper so much. My 10 y/o dd is already becoming bitter, and it breaks my heart.”

I have talked to many parents at conferences who have asked the same question.  I don’t think that it is EVER too late to win their hearts back, but the older they get, the more of a challenge it will be.

Overcoming anger God's Way

Here are 10 ways to restore  relationships damaged by anger:

1.  ALWAYS apologize when you have responded to your kids in anger. 

We need to swallow our pride, and admit we were wrong, because the relationship is much more important than our pride!  When you have lost it with your kids, and responded wrong, give a proper apology:

I’m sorry for _____.  I was wrong in how I responded.  Will you forgive me?

ALL parents respond in anger at times; the key is not to let it be the norm, and to apologize each time, whether that is 10 times a day, or twice a year)

Apologizing brings restoration to the relationship, and heals the hurt.  It also shows our children how our relationship with God works.  If we confess our sins to Him, He is faithful to forgive us, and our relationship once again is restored with Him.

2.  If you feel you have lost their heart, express that to them.

Tell them how much you love them, and want to have that relationship restored.  Ask them if there is something in particular that you have done to push them away, or that hurt them.  Then be willing to apologize, and make it right.

3.  Don’t bring up past offenses, or things that have been taken care of. 

That will lead to resentment, and the feeling that you will never let them live down their mistakes.  They, in turn, will have trouble forgiving you when you apologize.

4.  Work to intentionally pursue their heart.

This means spending TIME with them.  Relationships don’t do well when there is little to no time spent together.  Intentionally seek to build that relationship.

This may require some sacrifice on your  part, but the benefits of having your child’s heart is worth any sacrifice! 

Just a few ideas to help you as you pursue their heart:

  • Verbally express to them that you love them, regularly.
  • Show affection in tangible ways.  Write them little notes, give random hugs or tickles, bring them a little treat now and then, etc.
  • Let them know that you like them, and accept them for who they are.
  • Be fun, and have fun with them.  Don’t always be serious – learn to laugh with them.
  • Be interested in what they are interested in.  That is one of the BEST ways to build a relationship!

5.   Don’t allow yourself to get bitter toward that child that requires more from you, or tends to “mess up” often.   

The bitterness will eat at away at you, and  hurt the relationship more.  Ask God to let His love flow through you to that child/teen.

6.  Realize that the battle for your kids’ hearts is a spiritual battle. 

THEY are not the enemy.  We need to realize who we are fighting, and that we cannot win the battle in our own strength.

7.  PRAY, PRAY, and PRAY some more!! 

Ask God to give you wisdom as you strive to restore the relationship.  Ask Him to work in your heart, and the child’s heart.

Join our free  30 day prayer challenge:  Praying Biblical Virtues For Your Children

8.  When behavior occurs that makes you angry, send the child to their room to think about what they have done, and to give YOU time  to calm down. 

Find solutions for the situations that tend to make you angry on a regular basis.  Talk to your kids about it, and find a plan that tells them what is expected, and list consequences that can be calmly administered when necessary.

9.  Correct with Scripture. 

When you use God’s Word to correct wrong behavior or attitudes in your kids, it makes it a lot harder to stay angry with them.

Also, God’s Word has power that will work in their hearts more than our words will. Remember that the purpose of correction and discipline is to restore that child’s relationship with God.

10.  If anger is an ongoing issue with you, get help for it!

Anger WILL destroy your relationships if you don’t get it under control.  By that, I don’t mean you NEVER get angry again.  I mean you don’t get angry near as often, and you apologize immediately each time you realize it has happened.

Be encouraged and go fight for that relationship!  You need to win and keep your child’s heart.

20 Ways To Win Your Child's Heart

(Winning the Hearts of Your Children Part 1, Part 2, Part 3)

4 Tips For Effectively Parenting Teens

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As a young parent, I often heard comments about how hard parenting would be when our kids became teens. The “Justwaits” loved to warn me in a somber tone, “You think it’s hard now — JUST WAIT till they are teens!”  With those warnings ringing in my ears, I started doing some research and seeking tips for effectively parenting teens. I wanted to be prepared!

tips for effectively parenting teens

 

As a mom of eight kids, can I reassure you that with a few tips under your belt, you really do not need to fear the years of raising teens!

Now I will say that there are new challenges when your kids are teens, but at the same time, I loved those years.  The most important and probably most difficult thing to do as your kids become teens, is make a transition in how you treat them.

When they become teens and young adults,  the relationship begins to change. However, it is SO easy  to continue to try and control your teens, treating  them the way you did when they were young, and in training.  Without meaning to, many parents make mistakes in how they parent their older kids.  (Yes, I have been guilty of many of them!)

Here are FOUR  TIPS  that are very important to remember for effectively parenting teens.

1.  The most important thing to focus on  is keeping their heart.

As our kids move into the teen years, this is extra important, because having their hearts means having the opportunity to continue to pour into them, teach them our values, and influence them.

To keep their hearts, we must purposefully work to cultivate and keep a strong relationship with them.  This will require time!  Our teens need us to be available to listen to them, and show an interest in what they are interested in and excited about.  Find those areas of interest, and ask questions about it.  Listen as they share.

Keep in mind the importance of making them feel it is safe to share their heart with you.  It is SO easy to immediately respond negatively or give correction when your teens share their feelings with you.

It may seem like they are “wasting their money” on something that you think is foolish. However, if you say that to them, it conveys a lack of acceptance to them.

If they tell you what they think about something, and their thinking is “off”, don’t respond with “Why would you even THINK that?”  Again, that conveys a lack of acceptance, or the idea that they can’t make you happy.  They will then hesitate to share their thoughts with you.

It is vital to communicate acceptance to your teens.  They should never feel they need to change in order for us to “like them” or accept them.  If they fail to find that acceptance from us, they are going to take it from the first person or group that offers it to them.

2.The KEY for effective parenting of teens is NOT control or intimidation, but rather guiding them.

Our goal should be to guide them toward independence, and prepare them for life.

A great example of this is how Solomon guided and appealed to his sons often in Proverbs with his words.  (“My son, listen to my words; my son, keep my commandments,” etc.)

He was giving them commandments, while appealing to them to listen. He gave instruction with guidance about values, wisdom, responsibilities, etc.

Notice that Solomon  didn’t use his authority to motivate, but rather appealed to them.  He didn’t try to motivate with threat of consequences, but rather warned of natural consequences of pride, immorality, disobedience.

He lovingly guided them and advised them towards living wise, righteous lives.

3.  View teens as fellow adults.

Often we fail to come along side our teens as a guide, and remain more in the threatening, controlling mode, because we don’t look at them as adults.

Do you know the word teenager is not in the Bible? The term young/men is used 140 times in the Bible.

When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.  I Cor. 13:11

This doesn’t say, When I a became a teenager (or adolescent.) God looks at teens as an adult in training. They don’t  just magically become an adult when they turn 18.

Adulthood is a process that begins when they turn 12 years old.

We need to treat our teens with respect, as we would another adult.   If they have something to say, listen to them as wise, contributing adults.  (You are still the parent, and make final decisions, but OFTEN teens can give great advice and see things in a way that we may be missing.)

Ask them what they think about things, and if they have a good idea, run with it.  Let them know you are thankful for their ideas.

Ask them how to do things if they are better at it than you.  It makes them feel special that you value their knowledge and abilities.

4.  Have clear rules and consequences.

When the rules and consequences are set, as a parent there is no need to take it personally and get all angry when a teen breaks a rule. You very simply remind the teen of what they already know, while encouraging them to do better next time.

Teens don’t resent rules that are clearly stated with consequences, if you have a good relationship with them.  On the other hand, if the relationship is lacking, they are likely to rebel against the rules and your authority.

Rules without relationship breed rebellion.


Teen Peer Pressure is a real thing, so it’s vital as parents that we seek to keep a strong heart relationship with our kids, guide them in wisdom, and  let them know we accept them for who they are.

Ask God daily to give you wisdom as you guide your teens, and point them to Him!

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Who Has TIME To Be Spiritual?!

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As a busy homeschooling mom, with eight kids, there have been MANY times that I have felt like I just wasn’t very spiritual. I also found myself often wondering, “Who has TIME to be spiritual?!” 

I went to church regularly, but during the week it was easy to get so caught up in all the daily demands, that at night I would fall into bed exhausted.  At that point, I would remember, I never had my quiet time alone with God today!

Then I would hear a sermon about spending time reading  your Bible daily, or spending time in prayer, and the guilt would begin.

I would start to think that I wasn’t a very good Christian at all, and I was far from being the spiritual person I once was.  (before children)

When the pastor preached a sermon about the importance of serving God, and being involved in ministry, I felt like a failure.  I was no longer able to be involved in all the ministries that I once loved being part of in church.

After the service, I went to my pastor and mentioned my feelings to him.  He very wisely reminded me that taking care of my family and home IS my ministry.

He said, “Don’t you EVER feel like you’re not serving God, when you spend everyday teaching, training, and caring for your family.  That is what God has called you to do.”

 

In my heart, I knew that.  However, it was good to hear it from him, and have that reinforced in my mind.

It’s so easy to look at how things “used to be” before we had kids.  We may have been able to spend an hour a day in Bible reading, prayer, and Bible memory.

Time alone with God each morning was the normal thing, a habit that  you never missed.

I believe it is still very important as moms to make sure we spend time with God, and in His Word.  However, the “alone” part might be a bit more difficult.  That’s when it is time to come up with creative ideas to “stay spiritual” throughout the day.

Here are some ways I found time to be spiritual as a busy  mom:

1.  Start the day off by singing a Scripture song with the kids before you eat breakfast.        

This was SO helpful for me!  I don’t always wake up fast, and definitely not in a cheerful mood.  Kids, on the other hand, are wide awake and ready to go!

Singing a Scripture song helps my spirit, and prepares me for the day.  It also continues to help throughout the day, as the words of the song go through my mind. 

One day I was in a grumbling mood when doing the dishes, and the song came to mind that we had just sung a couple hours before:  “In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God.”

It’s hard to keep a bad attitude with those words running through your mind!

2.  Have Bible time right after breakfast.

We  read a few verses or a chapter together, and talked briefly about what it meant and how to apply it to our lives.

You need this time to get some of God’s Word into your heart and mind for the day, and by doing this with the kids every day, it shows them that this is something important.

We also had a short time of prayer to ask for God’s wisdom and help for that day. 

After this, I always had my older kids go to their rooms or a quiet place, and have their own quiet time with the Lord.  This is a habit I wanted them to develop, and make a top priority in their lives.

Bible Reading Plans Your Children Will Enjoy

3.  Use God’s Word to discipline and correct your children throughout the day. 

It’s so easy to get frustrated when our children are having bad attitudes, or showing wrong behavior.  We look at it as an interruption, as we are busy trying to get through the school lessons for the day.

Instead of looking at it as interruption though, we should look at it as an opportunity! It’s a chance for us take them to God’s Word, and show them what God says about that behavior, and give them Bible answers to their struggles.

It’s important to approach this with the right spirit because you don’t want your kids to come to dislike the Bible, because you’re always “hitting them over the head with it.”

We approached it with the words “We know how much you love God, and want to please Him.  When you acted like that (or did/said that), God wasn’t pleased.  Let’s go to His Word, and see what He says that will help you.” 

We would then pray with them about it  and encourage them that with God’s help they could do better.

There are 2 benefits to disciplining with Scripture. 

1. You are continually  exposed to God’s Word throughout the day.

Though you  may not have much time alone to read His Word before beginning your day, this will help you keep His Word in your thoughts throughout the day.

If you have been blessed with a difficult child, just think HOW many times a day you get to go to God’s Word!!

2.  It keeps you calm in your discipline when you approach it this way.

It’s hard to stay angry when you are talking to your kids about pleasing God, and reading the Bible to/with them!

Now if you’re like me, and struggle with your memory, maybe you’re wondering how you will ever come up with the right verses every time you need them! 

I put together the book  Training and Correcting the Heart With Scripture for this very reason!

It gives you verses on various topics,  making it  easy  for you to always  use Scripture, rather than responding with the usual scolding,  or just your  own “words of wisdom”. 

God’s Word has so much more power than our words, and I have seen how effective it is when I use it with the kids.  The difficult children especially seem to respond well, and I will notice their countenance soften, and their eyes fill with tears, as God’s word brings conviction.

4.  Listen to good music throughout the day. 

Having hymns and Godly music playing does so much for your spirit, and will help you feel closer to God.  I have found that even playing Patch the Pirate CDds for the kids helps me!  The music on them is very uplifting, and helps me to keep a song in my heart.

Another thing I’ve done with music is have a little “praise time” with the kids.  I may not have time to spend alone praising God daily, but I can have a time with the kids where we sing praise on their level.

We sing little choruses like:  “My God is so big, so strong, and so mighty”, “I Love You Lord“, and “Praise Him, praise Him, all ye little children“.

It’s amazing what singing these little songs of praise will do for you, as you focus on God’s greatness!

These are just a few of the things that have helped me keep my mind a little more focused on the Lord throughout the busy, hectic days.  Don’t despair if you find it difficult to have a “quiet time ALONE” with God.

Take advantage of the opportunities you have during the day with your kids, to include God and His word, and you will be surprised at how it will make you feel closer to God daily!

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