The Character Corner

Purposeful Parenting. Building Godly Character.

How To Find Joy When Homeschooling Through Hormones

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What could possibly be the JOY of hormone problems?

I know it seems strange to even think of JOY when you are going through hormone issues that can cause you to feel depressed! As I mentioned, I dealt with crying, depression, being mean to my kids, feeling guilty, etc., and yet I can say there IS joy to be found even with all that going on.

How To Find Joy When Homeschooling Through Hormones How To Find Joy When Homeschooling Through Hormones

I’m sure you’re thinking “Uh, the hormones have really gotten to her – now she’s just plain out crazy!”

No, dealing with PMS or any other hormone imbalance is NOT fun, and it’s NOT joyful to experience all that goes with it. However, what you will experience as a result of those difficult times is a greater joy than you knew before all that happened.

It may not occur for a while, but if you are letting the Lord work in your heart as you go through the hard challenging times, you WILL end up joyful. And even in the midst of your despair, there’s a joy hidden behind the pain–the joy of knowing God is working in your heart and life.

I can’t say that I enjoyed one moment of my PMS or other times of hormone problems, but I can say I’m thankful and glad that I’ve gone through them.

Why? There are several reasons.

The most important one is that it brought me closer to God, and helped me to know Him better. God brought me to the end of myself, and into His sheltering arms. He was my one source of comfort and true understanding. His love upheld me when I felt I couldn’t go on.

I learned the meaning of “God is a refuge.”  Verses that had once been “good” verses, became real and alive to me through experience. I learned to depend on Him. Another reason I’m glad for what I’ve been through is that I can now encourage and help others going through similar issues. It’s truly hard to have a compassionate heart when you’ve never suffered. Now I can truly care and FEEL for others who are hurting.

The last benefit is the renewed joy I now have in everyday things. 

It’s like wearing dark glasses for a while. When you take them off, everything seems brighter. You see things you’d forgotten were there.

I had been in the dark valley for so long, that when I started feeling better, everything seemed brighter than before. I found myself more thankful and aware of things that I once took for granted.

And best of all, it gave me a new, fresher view of God’s love, and the joy He gives.

If you are struggling with hormone issues, or any type of physical issue which affects your mood and outlook, run to the arms of God. Let Him be your comfort and strength, and cling to Him till He brings you through.

Remember, joy will come in the morning!

Read more about how to homeschool through hormones in these posts below ⇓ 

How To Handle Homeschooling And Hormones

There Is Hope For Homeschooling And Hormones

Guilt and Depression – Homeschooling And Hormones

What Will Homeschooling Through Hormones Do To My Children?

What About My Husband? Homeschooling & Hormones

How To Find Joy When Homeschooling Through Hormones

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What About My Husband? Homeschooling & Hormones

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In my last post, I talked about the effect of hormone imbalance on my children. But what about my husband?!

It’s NOT easy on a husband when his wife is struggling with hormone problems, and struggling with depression, fatigue, and irritability.   However, as the wife is going through these difficulties, it is a time of God working in his life too! 

What About My Husband? Homeschooling & Hormones

What About My Husband Homeschooling Hormones

It’s a time when your husband will probably need to pitch in, do more with the children, do a little extra around the house, and maybe even help some with the homeschooling. It may be hard for him after working all day, but it’s a great chance for him to show his love, and get more involved.

Often as wives, we do it all, and our husbands aren’t even involved in much of the parenting, housework, etc. When there are physical issues, your husband has to get involved.  I found that in my situation this turned out to be good.

My husband learned to know our children better and became more aware of what my daily duties involved. I found that this gave my husband a greater love for me and the kids, and bound our hearts closer.

The important thing is to COMMUNICATE with your husband! 

A husband needs to know what his wife needs from him. Don’t just expect him to know! I think most husbands pitch in pretty well with the housework, children, etc. when needed because those needs are obvious. But they don’t know what we need emotionally. We have to tell them!

Sit down and talk, and let him know that you NEED his support. Tell him how you feel. “I’m depressed, I’m tired, I feel like a bad mom.” etc.

You need his reassurance and acceptance.  You need to know he loves you regardless. Most husbands will be glad to try to get you through it if you simply tell them how they can help.

One thing I expressed to my husband was my concern about what others would think. 

Fatigue has been a big problem or me, and I’ve had to remember what is really important as I make decisions about doing “extras”. My husband has been of real help here because he has learned what I can handle. He knows that if I do too much I will be so fatigued that I really struggle to care for the kids and my responsibilities in the home.

We have prayed together about what I should or should not do, and chosen NOT to worry about what others will think. They don’t and won’t understand all you’re going through, but it doesn’t matter.

If we spend time with the Lord and are doing what we feel HE is telling us to do, that’s all that matters.

Let your husband know what you are feeling, how he can help, and what your fears are. Let him help and support you through the hard times.

Working through hard times makes your love grow, and builds a stronger marriage.

Read more about how to homeschool through hormones in these posts below ⇓ 

How To Handle Homeschooling And Hormones

There Is Hope For Homeschooling And Hormones

Guilt and Depression – Homeschooling And Hormones

What Will Homeschooling Through Hormones Do To My Children?

What About My Husband? Homeschooling & Hormones

How To Find Joy When Homeschooling Through Hormones

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10 Fun And Free Things To Do With Your Kids

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Maybe you are asking yourself “what can I do for fun with my kids”? You’re looking for ways to spend time playing with your kids, but you’re not coming up with many ideas. Or possibly you’re left with questions of “how” or “what” to play with them?

Here are some fun and free things to do with your kids, that we loved doing when our kids were younger. And yes, they are all simple ideas that don’t really cost anything other than your time!

10 Fun And Free Things To Do With Your Kids

10 Fun And Free Things To Do With Your Kids The Character Corner

Your kids will love the time you spend with them, and they will love playing as well! Be a FUN parent; take time to play and laugh with your kids. 

The years go by so quickly, so choose to make the most of them, and have fun ON PURPOSE.

What activities can you do with kids at home?

1. Huckle-buckle-beanstalk

Choose a little toy to hide, and show it to the kids. (we used a Fisher-Price little person) Have them all go into the other room, while you hide it in the family room. When you’re done, call them in to find it.

The first one who sees it calls out, “Huckle-buckle-beanstalk!”. The one who found it then gets to hide it.

2. Have a sock fight.

Roll matched socks up in a ball, choose teams, and fire away.

3. Have a scavenger hunt.

I have them all go upstairs, and while they aren’t able to watch, I  hide a list of items throughout the downstairs rooms.

I call the kids down when I’m done, give them the list, and they go hunting to find the items.

They don’t say anything when they find an item but check it off on their list. That way it doesn’t spoil the fun for those who are still looking.

4. Have a treasure hunt.

Hide clues around the house that will take them to a treasure. My kids always loved this, and often the older ones would do it for younger ones after I had planned one for them.

How do I keep 5-year-olds, 10-year-olds, and 13-year-olds busy?

All of the ideas on this list can be adjusted to meet different ages, but the following ones may be the MOST applicable to all ages.

5. Bean bag toss.

Line up 5 bowls with the biggest one closest to the starting line, and the smallest one farthest away. They get five points for getting it in the smallest bowl, 4 for the next one, etc.

Have them stand at the line, and give them 3 bean bags to try to toss in the bowls. (You can keep score for several rounds, or if the kids are younger, don’t even keep score – just have fun!)

6. I’m Thinking of a Person.

Give your child  20 pennies, and they put a penny in the cup for each question they ask. They try to figure out who the person is by the questions:  is the person still alive? male or female? etc.

The goal is to guess the person with 20 or fewer questions.

7. Tic-tac-toe or Hangman on a dry erase board or chalkboard.

8. “Bowling”.

Stand up empty 2-liter pop bottles (or 20 oz), mark a line to stand behind, and “bowl” a kid-size ball at them.

9. Musical freeze march.

Play music (or for us, I’d play the piano) while the kids march around a certain path over and over. (Around the island to office, to the living room, to the hall, back to around island – this was a big circle they could go round and round) 

When the music stops, everyone has to freeze. Whoever is in the designated “out” spot, is then eliminated from the game.

Play till only one child is left. Start again with a different spot being OUT.

10. Match the lids.

Get several different size plastic bowls & lids from the kitchen. Put them all in a bag, and have the kids take turns seeing who can get the lids & bowls matched up & put on the fastest. (we used empty prescription bottles, empty cottage cheese or sour cream containers, different sizes of storage containers)

Fun and free bonus idea:  Teach character lessons that include games & role-playing to make it fun! To help you with that, here are 4 weeks of free character lessons that your kids will love!

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What Will Homeschooling Through Hormones Do To My Children?

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One of my biggest concerns during my hormone issues was WHAT WILL THIS DO TO MY CHILDREN? Won’t this hurt my children emotionally?

What Will Homeschooling Through Hormones Do To My Children?

What will Homeschooling through Hormones do to my children

Fortunately, I didn’t get physically violent as some do, but I did tend to get VERY mean.  I yelled about anything and everything. I was impatient and irritable and didn’t really want to be around my children.

I couldn’t stand the noise and the demands which required energy that I didn’t have. So, NATURALLY, I was worried about them, and with good reason!

My pastor helped me with this so much.

He encouraged me to explain to my children what was happening and why. He had me use the example of a car.

“A car needs gas to run. If there’s no gas in it, you can kick it, hit it, push it, but it WON’T RUN. Why? Something is missing, so it can’t work right. Well, something is missing in Mommy’s body too. That is why I act mean and yell, etc. I DON’T WANT to be that way but my body isn’t working right, and sometimes I respond wrong to you.”

After explaining that to my children, they were in tears! They felt sorry for ME instead of themselves! It was so important that they understood and knew it wasn’t anything they had done.

Also, I tried to always apologize after I responded wrong to them and was harsh. I would immediately regret my outburst, and end up going in the other room and crying. Then I would go to them and tell them how sorry I was, and reassure them that I loved them.

I tried to teach them that people don’t LIKE to act mean but often have a problem causing them to act that way, or they are acting that way because they are hurting. As I hugged them, they would pat MY back, comforting me. So, they were learning compassion through this.

My kids were also VERY quick to forgive. They always responded well when I admitted my mistakes and apologized. Their hugs and expressions told me it was okay. (I wish we were that forgiving as adults!)

Let me just clarify a little here. I am NOT excusing the behavior that often comes from our messed up hormones. 

I found that I COULD usually control my outbursts and hide my irritation if I prayed a lot, and TRIED really hard. Sometimes though, it just snuck up on me, and I didn’t handle it well.

The best thing that I found when this was a regular monthly thing for me, was to plan for it and lighten up on things as much as possible.

As soon as I sensed the irritation starting to come and my mood getting bad, I would realize I needed to prepare. I would try to get some time alone, and extra rest.

Do what you need to in order to make it less of a problem, if you struggle as I did.

At the same time when you do go through the depression, it can bring, or find yourself being totally out of character and control, don’t be TOO hard on yourself. Realize why it is happening and that you aren’t just an awful person. Be forgiving, while also doing what you can to help yourself.

Don’t focus on asking  “what will this do to my children?”  They will be okay if you apologize to them as often as needed, and tell them OFTEN that you love them.

Read more about how to homeschool through hormones in these posts below ⇓ 

How To Handle Homeschooling And Hormones

There Is Hope For Homeschooling And Hormones

Guilt and Depression – Homeschooling And Hormones

What Will Homeschooling Through Hormones Do To My Children?

What About My Husband? Homeschooling & Hormones

How To Find Joy When Homeschooling Through Hormones

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If anger is an issue for you, be sure to grab this subscriber freebie with Bible verse cards about anger, as well as a printable list of how to respond to your anger.

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Guilt and Depression – Homeschooling And Hormones

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When struggling with hormonal imbalance, often you will have feelings of guilt and depression. Perhaps you will relate to this cycle that I went through repeatedly with my hormone issues.

Guilt and Depression – Homeschooling And Hormones

Sad Woman Guilt and Depression Homeschooling & Hormones

Every month I determined, “I won’t let this happen again!  I WON’T yell at my children and be impatient with them. I will enjoy them and do things with them. I WILL control my crying, and I WON’T get depressed! I WILL keep up with my usual schedule and routine; I WON’T give in to fatigue and take it easy.”

These were resolves I truly intended and desired to keep. Unfortunately, even though “my spirit was willing, my flesh was weak!”

The result? Guilt, guilt, guilt!

“I’m such an AWFUL mother! How could I be so harsh with my children? And my poor husband! He’d be better off without me! I’m too tired to do much –he has to do MY work at home. Then he has to put up with my irritability and tears. I’m just not a good wife or mother. And I’m CERTAINLY not a good Christian!  Good Christians don’t act like THIS and they don’t get depressed. I must not be reading my Bible enough, or SOMETHING!”

These were feelings and thoughts I fought with every month. Because I WANTED to do better but couldn’t seem to, I thought I just lacked self-discipline. I needed to ask the Lord to give me strength, and then try harder.

The result of continued failure led to more guilt and thoughts of being no good, which led to more depression.

Finally, I went to see my pastor. In my heart, I knew he would tell me I had a spiritual problem. Surprise! Yes, he told me I had a PROBLEM – a PHYSICAL problem. And physical problems affect every other area.

He explained that IT WOULDN’T DO ANY GOOD to beat myself up, and TRY HARDER when something was wrong physically. Instead, I needed to deal with the physical, and understand that the other problems were a result of it. They weren’t a lack of character, spirituality, etc. Therefore, my guilt was false.

I had not purposely chosen to do these things and didn’t WANT to be that way. My body and hormones weren’t working right. It wasn’t ME!

Wow, what a help it was to hear that!

So the next month when dealing with homeschooling AND hormones.. I didn’t feel guilty. Right?

Wrong! BUT, I could deal with it better, and I kept reminding myself that the problem was physical.

Also, even though I didn’t FEEL spiritual, I kept on reading my Bible and praying. Actually, at the BAD times, I did more praying than anything. Sometimes I felt so bad, I’d just cry to God and ask Him to hold me and help me get through it.

I also reminded myself that my pastor had told me I was like a “wounded soldier”, and didn’t belong in the midst of the battle. That helped with the guilt of not serving the church as I once had. I needed to give the little I had to my family.

His words were, “Don’t put more pressure on yourself than GOD does.”

Those words STILL help me make decisions! Often we put pressure and guilt on our self, worrying about what others might think, or comparing our self to others, rather than asking God what HE expects of us.

If you are struggling with hormone issues (or any physical issues), remember that God knows what you are dealing with.  He is there to guide and strengthen, not condemn.

Don’t put false guilt on yourself!

Read more about how to homeschool through hormones in these posts below ⇓ 

How To Handle Homeschooling And Hormones

There Is Hope For Homeschooling With Hormones

Guilt and Depression – Homeschooling And Hormones

What Will Homeschooling Through Hormones Do To My Children?

What About My Husband? Homeschooling & Hormones

How To Find Joy When Homeschooling Through Hormones

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There Is Hope For Homeschooling With Hormones

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In my last post How To Handle Homeschooling And Hormones, I shared about the stranger that seemed to have taken over my body. If you suffer from some of the symptoms that I mentioned in the last post, don’t give up. There IS hope for you and your hormones.

There Is Hope For Homeschooling With Hormones

Depressed Woman There is Hope for Homeschooling With Hormones

I want to reassure you first of all that you’re not losing your grip on sanity, and you’re not just lacking in discipline or will to overcome it. Often, just knowing more about hormone imbalance helps to relieve the fears and despair it causes you to feel.

Do you have PMS or some type of hormone disorder?

A lot of women are suffering from PMS, peri-menopause, or menopausal symptoms and don’t know it. Perhaps they have a mild form of it for just a few days each month.

Others may have a severe form that lasts longer, and makes them wonder, “What is wrong with me?!”

A hormonal disorder has a wide variety of emotional and physical symptoms. If PMS is to blame, these symptoms occur at the same phase of each menstrual cycle.

Hormone disorders: the most common symptoms 

  • Irritability
  • Tension
  • Headaches
  • Depression
  • Fatigue
  • Crying for no reason
  • Forgetfulness
  • Cravings for sweet or salty food

Maybe you just read that list, and said “Help me! I’ve got all those symptoms! I’m struggling, and don’t know what to do.”

The first thing I want you to realize is that you CAN help yourself.  No matter what type of disorder you have, there are things you can do to make it easier and to balance things.

Hormones can disrupt your homeschooling and bring you to the verge of giving up, so you want to do what you can to help yourself.

1. Chart your hormone symptoms.

Charting your symptoms will help you determine if you have PMS or a different form of hormone disorder. With PMS your symptoms will usually be at the same point in your cycle each month. If you see a regular pattern, you can prepare before it comes.

I used to have severe PMS. After charting my symptoms, I learned to plan my school schedule based on my cycle.  There was one week each month where I really struggled to stay calm, I had migraines, was fatigued, and very irritable.

I purposely planned that as a very light week, where the kids could do most things on their own. That gave me time to rest more, and also kept my frustration level a bit lower. The less stress you having during PMS, the better!

Plan easy meals, use educational DVDs, relax and read good books, and take naps.  I realized that I couldn’t handle the normal routine of school during my bad week, and adjusted accordingly. 

That’s one of the beauties of homeschooling! We can make it fit our family’s needs.

2. Educate yourself on homeschooling with hormones

Go to the library and get some books on PMS, peri-menopause, or menopause–whichever you may be dealing with.

Knowledge is understanding.

Even though you still have the same symptoms to deal with, when you know there is a physical, chemical cause in your body it makes it a little easier to deal with.

3. Watch your diet.

Maybe times hormone disorders can be made better or worse by the foods we eat. For example, with PMS you want to avoid salt, caffeine, and sugar.  If you have high estrogen, you want to stay away from soy products.

4. Exercise regularly to help hormone symptoms.

Regular exercise has been proven to alleviate many of the symptoms that come with hormone issues.

5. Take supplements.

There are many products you can purchase online that will help to balance your hormones. Some I’ve used which helped with my symptoms are Dong Quai, Black Cohosh, and Change-O-Life.

There are many others — do a little research before making purchases.

6. Talk to someone who understands.

That may be hard because unless you’ve lived through hormone ups and downs, you have no way of fully understanding what it’s like.

Very few people realize how serious it can be, and often they tend to make light of it.

The LAST THING you need at this time is to be told, “Get yourself together, and quit making such a big deal of it!” or some other similar type of statement.

That’s why it’s important to find someone who can listen, encourage, and comfort you through your struggles.

7. If needed, see a doctor who specializes in bio-identical hormones.

If your case is severe, and the suggested ideas aren’t enough DON’T DESPAIR! You don’t have to live with depression, severe mood swings, irritability, etc.

There are many doctors now who will test your hormone levels, and give you natural hormone (bio-identical) supplements to take in the form of pills, or cream.

Wherever you fall in the area of symptoms, whether it’s mild or severe, DO SOMETHING TO HELP YOURSELF, and remind yourself daily that there IS hope!

In my next post, I’ll look at the guilt and depression you may be feeling. (I’m just a bad Christian, bad mom, etc.)

Read more about how to homeschool through hormones in these posts below ⇓ 

How To Handle Homeschooling And Hormones

There Is Hope For Homeschooling With Hormones

Guilt and Depression – Homeschooling And Hormones

What Will Homeschooling Through Hormones Do To My Children?

What About My Husband? Homeschooling & Hormones

How To Find Joy When Homeschooling Through Hormones

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Homeschooling & Hormones There IS Hope

How To Handle Homeschooling And Hormones

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Homeschooling and hormones is a tough combination!

I think many, many homeschooling moms suffer from hormone issues, which can be very disruptive to homeschooling. Whether it’s PMS, peri-menopause, or menopause, those changing hormones can bring some very real symptoms.

How To Handle Homeschooling And Hormones

Sad Woman How to Handle Homeschooling & Hormones The Character Corner

If you have been fortunate enough to never suffer from a hormone imbalance, PMS, or menopausal symptoms, you may have trouble understanding those who struggle with these issues. I hope this post will help you be more aware of what some are going through due to their crazy hormones.

I had hormone problems for many, many years. I was fortunate enough to finally find a doctor who put me on bio-identical hormones which balanced things for me.

However, I STILL remember how rough those years were when my hormones were so out of balance.

If you DO suffer from hormonal problems, perhaps you can relate to this description I wrote about how I was feeling when PMS had a grip on me.  (At the time I didn’t know  what was going on!)

I woke up this morning to find that the “real” me had gone somewhere, and my body was inhabited by a stranger. To be quite honest, I wasn’t at all happy about it, because I didn’t care for this stranger AT ALL! She wasn’t very nice, and tended to growl and snarl a lot. The least little thing seemed to set her off — whether it was an innocent request from her kids or a little teasing from her husband. She just couldn’t seem to stand any noise, and just wanted to be left alone.

When someone would ask, “Is something wrong?” she’d snap, “No!” and run from the room in tears. She didn’t seem to know why she was crying, but yet she couldn’t stop. If someone asked, “How are you?” it took all she had to smile and say, “Fine,” when she felt FAR from fine.

This stranger stayed with me throughout the day and just seemed to control me. I’d try to fight her, but she seemed to overpower me, and I was too weary to struggle. A terrible feeling of depression hung over me like a dark cloud. Things that had once seemed easy, or routine, now seemed to be more than I could handle.

What I discovered about homeschooling and hormones

By the end of the day, I KNEW – I was positively mentally sick! What else could explain my awful behavior, disinterest in life, and uncontrollable emotions?

If you’re able to identify with some of these feelings and thoughts, more than likely you’re of the many women who suffer from PMS, or some other hormone imbalance.

Next, I will give more information about hormone issues and reassurance that the problems ARE biological, not psychosomatic, as you probably often wonder! You really aren’t crazy!

Read more about how to homeschool through hormones in these posts below ⇓ 

How To Handle Homeschooling And Hormones

There Is Hope For Homeschooling And Hormones

Guilt and Depression – Homeschooling And Hormones

What Will Homeschooling Through Hormones Do To My Children?

What About My Husband? Homeschooling & Hormones

How To Find Joy When Homeschooling Through Hormones

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I previously wrote a four-post series on Why Homeschooling Moms Cry, and though I didn’t include hormones in that list, hormones certainly can and do make us cry!

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Loving The Difficult Child

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As parents, we love ALL of our kids. However, you may find that loving the difficult child isn’t as easy as loving the other kids. If you are dealing with a difficult child, you know what I mean.

What is a difficult child?

Out of our eight kids, I had one that I considered difficult. This was the one that was stubborn, frustrating, disagreeable, and annoying. At times they made me feel like I was going to lose my mind.  

I loved that child through it all, but there were many times when I didn’t FEEL very loving, and times when I didn’t really LIKE him! 

The child left me emotionally exhausted and totally drained.

Loving The Difficult Child

stubborn child loving that difficult child
Do you have a child like that?  

Do you find it hard to love them at times when they are pushing you to your limits? Perhaps like me, you have times where you just want to give up!

What are some things to help you not only love this difficult child but also start to actually enjoy them?

How To Love The Difficult Child

1. Be careful to watch your attitude.

It is easy to develop an attitude of resentment towards that difficult child, because they take so much of you, and demand so much time and energy. If you don’t guard your thoughts, you can easily dwell on the negatives, letting the wrong thoughts into your mind, which in turn affects your heart.

Remember that God knows and sees your struggles, and He is the one who gave you that child.  When feeling resentful, stop and thank God for entrusting this child to your care. Ask God to let His love flow through you to that child.

2. Realize that you can’t do it in your own strength.

God wants us to depend on Him and invites us to come to Him for wisdom. Nothing will make you more aware of that need, than the daily struggles with a difficult child.

 However, it is a GOOD thing when you come to the end of yourself and your strength in your parenting, because it is then that you truly come to rely upon God for guidance.

3. Intentionally make extra time for your difficult child.

If necessary, take a break from some outside activities so that you have more time to spend with this child. Not being so busy will take away some of your stress, which will then enable you to respond better in those challenging situations that come up.

Another benefit though is that you will then feel free to spend time as needed with the child, without viewing it as an interruption and resenting it. Difficult children need LOTS OF TIME with us. We need to be there beside them, showing them we love them and are available for them.

I know one of my biggest struggles was spending time with the difficult child when I was frustrated, and just wanted to GET AWAY from them. I found that often those were the times when they just needed me to pull them close, spend time with them, and let them know I love them.

Winning the hearts of our children requires TIME, and this is especially true with our difficult kids. We need to be there for them and be patient with them and their needs. Give them extra time of cuddles, tickles, and smiles.

One of the things about a difficult child is that they have character flaws that are very visible and annoying. For this reason, plan to spend lots of time on character training with your difficult child.

4. Give them lots of encouragement and praise.

It’s important to be intentional about looking for the good in your difficult child. The negative is easy to see, so we have to watch for opportunities to praise them when they are showing effort, or making progress.

To help me remember to watch for good character, I used character charts with our kids. Not only did this keep me looking for good behavior, it also encouraged the kids to work harder at showing character.

Perhaps you are thinking (as I often did) that your difficult child never shows good character, so how can you praise or encourage them?

First, ask God to show you when they are trying, or are showing good character. Next, remember to encourage little tiny baby steps. It’s easy to look for BIG things to praise them for, but if they make a slight improvement and you make a big deal out of it, it makes them want to try harder to please you, and do what is right.

5. Pray WITH them and pray FOR them.

The quickest way to calm your spirit when the difficult child has you upset is to calmly suggest that you take time to pray together about the situation. It’s hard to stay angry when you are praying for someone!  It also reminds your child that God wants to help and that it’s important for him to go to God in prayer when he is struggling.

Be sure and pray FOR them regularly as well. Praying for your kids is one of the best gifts you can give them! Let that difficult child know that you pray regularly for him.  

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6 Important Things To Remember About Your Different Child

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If you have more than one child, I’m sure you were quickly surprised to realize just how different two kids in the same family could be!  There are some things to remember about your different child that will help you see him in a positive light, rather than in a negative way.

As a mom of eight kids, I never expected them to all be so different! Of course, in many ways there were similarities, but each had their unique differences – some more than others!

I wouldn’t say that I always “embraced” those differences as I should have.

6 Important Things To Remember About Your Different Child

child with megafone 6 Important Things To Remember About Your Different Child

At times when differences showed up in how the kids learned, acted, responded or failed to respond, I would feel discouraged or frustrated; other times I would feel stressed. However, it made me rely on God, and it also caused me to really study my kids, and get to know them for who they were.

God showed me that “different” doesn’t mean bad. It just means that I have to learn the secret that unlocks the mystery of that child.

Now that most of my kids are adults, I can see how those differences  helped prepare my kids for what God had planned for them as adults.

If you have a child, or children, that are different, let me encourage you with these thoughts:

Here are 6 Important Things To Remember About Your Different Child

1. God made them just the way they are for a reason and His purpose.

He created them with their unique personalities and needs and made them just the way He wanted them.

2. God wants you to depend on Him.

If all our kids were the same, we’d feel confident after the first one or two. He gave me kids that were different from each other, which made me realize how much I didn’t know, and how much I needed His help and wisdom!

3. God put them in your family with those differences to develop character in each member.

I have always believed and always told my kids, that God put each of them in our family with their unique personalities and characteristics, to help the rest of us develop certain character qualities God wanted us to learn.

Some of my kids were definitely my personal character builders!

4. God wants you to know your child, and invest in them.

Make it your personal goal to know what makes each of your kids tick. Learn what motivates them, and how you can best help them and reach their heart.

5. God has plans for them that you don’t know yet; those differences often will benefit them when those plans are revealed.

That child who seems so stubborn and strong-willed, could very well be in a leadership position when they become an adult.

Help them learn to channel that strong will in the right direction and they will be great leaders.

6. God wants you to see the gold glittering in them.

Sometimes we have to look through the flaws we see in them, the irritating behaviors, and see the gold that is glittering there, just waiting to be discovered.

Ask God to help you see the different child’s value, worth, and potential as He does.

When you are at your wits’ end with that child who you just don’t know what to do with, you are right where God wants you to be! Realizing that we can’t do this parenting thing on our own is a GOOD thing.  Let it be a reminder to call on God and ask Him for the wisdom He freely offers.

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7 Tips For Parenting a Strong-Willed Child

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The strong-willed child is definitely challenging with his persistence, energy, and determination. As a result, when parenting a strong-willed child it’s easy to look at their strong will as a BAD thing.

In reality though, kids with a strong will become great teens, young adults, and leaders if we steer them right.

How do we parent a strong-willed child in a positive way, to bring out the positive and good in them?

young girl playing outside 7tips for parenting a strong willed child

 

Tips for Parenting a Strong-Willed Child

1. Give them choices when possible.

Giving orders to them often opens the door for argument and conflict. However, when you offer a choice they are more likely to be cooperative, as they had some say in the matter.

If doing something is non-negotiable, a good way to handle it is:  “Do you want to do your chores now, or do you want to wait till after our snack?” 

They still have to do it, but get a choice as to when.

2. Remember the GOOD things about them.

The description “strong-willed child” usually has a negative connotation,  but it’s NOT a negative thing!

A strong will is a positive trait that requires parents to guide and channel in the right direction.

Strong-willed children are usually self-motivated and focused. They go after what they want, and don’t let peer pressure sway them.

These are traits that make great leaders!

3. Have consistent rules and routines.

A strong-willed child needs parents that are strong-willed, and who will enforce the rules and routines. They need to know that if the rule is NO about something, that’s not going to change by them pushing and begging.

Have specific limits and rules, that always have a consistent response.

If you are consistent with the rules and routines with all the kids in the family, the strong-willed child will quickly realize that you aren’t picking on them.

For example,  rather than telling them to hurry and get ready for bed, calmly remind them “The rule is be in your bed by 8:30. If you hurry, we’ll have time to read a book!“ 

This puts the ball in THEIR court.

4. Don’t allow yourself to react to their behavior while forgetting to focus on their heart.

It is easy to get frustrated with the way they push the limits, and try to get their way. Rather than focusing on those behaviors, try to see what is going on their heart that you need to deal with.

Molding their heart should be our focus, rather than changing their behavior.

building a strong foundation while parenting strong willed child

5. Realize that sometimes “winning the battle” with them, means you lose their heart.

If “winning” is going to cost you the relationship, take a break and tell the child that you will talk about it later.

Refuse to let them engage you in argument and anger, by walking away and saying “I need to think some more about this. We will discuss it tomorrow.” 

Sometimes we choose battles that aren’t important enough, and then we don’t want to back down. 

Be wise, and re-consider.

If you still feel you need to stand strong, approach it with a kind heart and explain, “As your parent, I love you and want what is best for you. I don’t feel this is something I can allow, even though I know you really want to do it. I know you are disappointed, and I understand that. How about if we choose a special activity in place of that – what would you like to do?”

This shows them that you care about them, and their emotions. It also shows that you respect their feelings. and will help you to win their heart!

6. Pray for wisdom!

None of us can be perfect parents, and with the strong-willed child, we ARE going to make mistakes.

However, we CAN be praying parents, and that is the source of our power! Don’t try to do it in your own strength or wisdom, but go to God daily and seek His help. (Prayer – It Makes a Difference!)

7. Tell them “I love you!” often!

Because you will tend to have frequent confrontations with the strong-willed child, it’s important to make a habit of frequently telling them that you love them. 

Don’t assume that they know that – they need to HEAR it! 

Being confident of your love for them helps them to trust you have their best interest at heart when there is a difference of opinion or conflict.

When they are being stubborn, it is a good time to remind them that you love them just the way they are, and how glad you are God gave them to you.

Hang in there on the tough days, Mom! God gave you that strong-willed child, and He will give you the strength and wisdom you need.

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