When Character Training Isn’t Working

Often through the ups and downs of parenting our eight kids, I would get discouraged at times with one (or all) of the kids, because their behavior showed a lack of character. It seemed that despite all my efforts, my character training wasn’t working!

Many times when going to a conference to speak on ‘Training Character Into Your Children’,  before leaving home I would tell  my husband that I had no right to speak on the topic, because our kids HAD NO CHARACTER!

It seemed that some days the kids behaved pretty well, and I thought MAYBE they were developing some character. But then we’d have some of those other days — when they were bad, they were VERY bad!

Does that mean that all the character training and teaching I had been doing wasn’t  really working or accomplishing much? No, it just means that they are humans with a sinful nature, and a free will.

3 THOUGHTS TO REMEMBER WHEN YOU FEEL YOUR CHARACTER TRAINING ISN’T WORKING

1. You can TEACH and train your children in godly character, but you can’t FORCE them to choose it.

They daily make a choice to show good character, or to give in to their sinful nature. Our job is to teach and train, as God told us to. Our goal, no matter how the kids respond, is to stay faithful in training so we can stand before God and honestly say we did our best.

2. God’s Word won’t return onto Him void.

The Bible tells us that God’s Word won’t return onto Him void, so  if  we stay faithful to plant God’s Word in the hearts and minds of our kids, His Word will do what it is supposed to do.

3. Character development and growth is a process that takes time.

Unlike a school subject like Algebra, which you only teach once, character lessons need to be taught repeatedly day after day, and year after year. That’s why God gave us our kids for at least 18 years! We need that long to help them grow in and develop Godly character.

You may not see the results immediately, but you should still be faithful to daily plant seeds of character, while trusting God with the results.

My discouragement often came because I expected that my kids would just learn the character trait, how to apply it to their lives, then  change in that area and have it down. Sometimes it was like I almost expected them to change over night.

Then God reminded me of the fact that I STILL struggle with certain character issues, and that  it often takes me quite a while to get victory in some of those areas.   This made me realize that it’s not fair to expect my kids to just change and overcome their struggles simply because we’ve had a few character lessons about it. I need to be patient with them, as God is with me.

You will probably see spurts where your children seem to be growing in character, mixed with days where they seem to have NONE. You may even have long spurts where you just aren’t seeing near as much fruit as you would like to.  Don’t give up! Keep reminding yourself that it is a process that takes time, as well as years of reinforcement and encouragement.

Some of my my kids were actually young adults when I really started to see the fruit of all the training, and actually felt like it had stuck.

When my oldest son was in college, he worked at UPS, loading trucks. I remember him telling me how shocked he was  at the way many of the employees did their job. He told me how they didn’t care if they loaded things on the wrong truck, if it got smashed or damaged, or anything like that. They just wanted to get done.

He looked at me and said, “Mom, I could get my job done so much faster, but thanks to YOU, I just can’t do sloppy, lazy work like that. You trained me too well!” 

That made this mama happy — especially since there were still several of his younger siblings at home being trained. What a great reminder and motivation for me  to keep on addressing heart and character issues with God’s Word, and consistent teaching.

Another one of my sons  has worked at Walmart for several years. Over the years he has been offered different management positions several times, even though he was one of the younger employees. WHY? Because of  his character! He worked hard, and they knew they could count on him to be honest, and to do what needed to be done. 

My youngest son got a job at Kroger in his senior year, and the management there thanked me for teaching him to work.  They thought he was the best worker they had even seen, because unlike his peers that were close to him in age, he came to work when he was scheduled to, and he WORKED while he was there! 

I’m not telling you this to brag, but to encourage you that the results DO come.

When these sons were younger and still at home, they weren’t ALWAYS as dependable as I might have liked them to be. In fact, there were many times I felt they really had some character issues to work on, and questioned if much of the teaching was actually sinking in.

However, the seeds that had been planted in their hearts and minds through consistent character training did eventually brought forth a fruitful harvest. I’m glad I stayed faithful in teaching them character, and didn’t give up when I got discouraged.

When it doesn’t seem like character training is working, and you are getting discouraged, hang in there! Keep planting those seeds daily, and trust God to bring the harvest.