• Home
  • About
    • Privacy Policy
    • Disclosure Policy
  • Speaking
  • PR/Advertising
  • Contact
  • SHOP
    • Courses To Help You Grow
  • View Cart
    • Email
    • Facebook
    • Pinterest
    • Twitter

The Character Corner

Purposeful Parenting. Building Godly Character.

  • The Character Corner
  • Building Godly Character in Your Kids
  • Purposeful Parenting
    • How to Handle Mom Anger
    • Help With a Rebellious Child
    • Encouragement for Mom
      • How to Be a Godly Mother
      • Large Family Living
      • Purposeful Marriage
    • How to Win Your Child’s Heart
    • Bible Verses and Reading Plans
    • Lads & Ladies of Wisdom
    • How to Have a Godly Dating Relationship
    • What the Bible Says About Purity
  • Homeschooling Encouragement
    • 30 Days of the Best Encouragement for Homeschooling Moms
    • 14 Days of Homeschool Encouragement and Inspiration
    • 30 Days of Homeschool Encouragement & Inspiration
text on banner reads EARLY REGISTRATION NOW OPEN

3 Mistakes That Turn Your Child’s Heart From You

September 13, 2020 By Kathie 18 Comments

Short on Time? Read This Later! DOWNLOAD This Post as a PDF >> CLICK HERE <<
Share404
Pin21K
Tweet
22K Shares

Learn the parenting mistakes to avoid and what to do instead to prevent rebellion or pushing your kids away.

We’ve been talking about positive ways to win our children’s hearts. Today I’m going to talk about the negative side of it, and share 3 mistakes that can turn your child’s heart from you!

3 Mistakes That Turn Your Child’s Heart From You

mistakes that turn your child from you

1. We strive to LOOK right but fail to emphasize the heart issues that are important.

If you look at the way you discipline, often you may discover that you spend much of your time on changing their behavior, rather than changing their hearts.

This isn’t how to reach your child’s heart. Their heart isn’t touched, and God is concerned with the heart. 

From the book Parenting is Heart Work:

The greatest parenting tip we can share wtih you is this:   maintain a strong connection to your heavenly father. He offers spiritual guidance and direction to help you work through your own heart issues so you can become effective with your children. Ask God to show you the real issues your son or daughter is facing, then PRAY.”

2. We strive to keep our kids from the wrong while failing to befriend them ourselves.

In order to develop a relationship with our children and be connected families, we must spend time with them!

It’s not enough to protect them from the wrong influences, people, or activities. We have to fill that void, by spending time with them. We need to make that a priority!

Unfortunately, it’s not something we can always do on our own time table either. I think it’s important to allow time in your schedule daily just to spend time with your kids, but I have found that often they need my attention or a listening ear at times when I’m busy with something else. Nothing is more important though than being there when they want to talk.

Related Posts: Why You Need To Win Your Child’s Heart,  Four Simple Ways To Win Your Child’s Heart

They open up on their schedule, not just when you are ready to listen and say “Hey, what’s on your heart that you want to talk about? I’ve got 15 minutes.”

If you are available to listen, or just be there for them when they’re going through a difficult time, as they share their emotions with you it will create a bond. They then are more willing to hear you out, because they know you care.

The key is availability! ( It is also very helpful to just include them in your cooking, cleaning, errands, etc.)

3. We strive for compliance and forget the relationship that will bring compliance. 

In our efforts to raise “good children” and require obedience, it’s easy to become harsh as we strive to be firm.  That harshness and/or anger is something that will quickly destroy the relationship you have with your children.

Harshness and anger damage relationships! 

overcoming anger God's way

It’s much, much better to appeal to our children on the basis of love, rather than using fear of our anger to get them to do what they should.

In the booklet Solving the Crisis in Christian Parenting, it talks about this very thing and says it SO well:

What we didn’t realize was that there is a great difference between intimidating children into subjection and winning their hearts into submission. Intimidating children into subjection merely gains outward compliance. Having their hearts means gaining greater opportunity to influence their values.”

It’s so important to also remember that anger doesn’t address the issue of the heart, and confuses the learning process. The child is focusing more on avoiding your anger, than changing their heart. 

Learn 3 Mistakes That Turn Your Child's Heart From You - and How To Avoid Them!Click To Tweet

Dr. S.M. Davis counsels many Christian parents who are struggling with their children and has made the observation that when there is rebellion in a young person, there is almost always anger in one or both of the parents. The anger causes the parent to lose the child’s heart, and over time they rebel.

Are you raising a rebel? If you are ready to actively examine your parenting for these mistakes that can lead to rebellion, then this study is for you.

study guide Are you raising a rebel?

We know there will be parenting mistakes. But with God’s help, we can ask Him to make us aware of any mistakes we may be making with your kids. He will give us the strength to repair damaged relationships and He will purposefully work to win the hearts of your children!

How do you recover from parenting mistakes?

Join me for a free 5 day series:  5 Parenting Mistakes that Lead To Rebellion

We will look at five ways you can inadvertently instill a rebellious spirit in your child’s heart, and Biblical answers will be given as to how to deal with early rebellion. A daily email will be sent for 5 consecutive days.

Sign me up for the mistakes that lead kids to rebellion series!


Save

mistakes that turn your child's heart from you

(Visited 401,024 times, 4,842 visits today)

More from my site

  • 6 Signs That You Are Doing TOO MUCH In Your Homeschool6 Signs That You Are Doing TOO MUCH In Your Homeschool
  • 7 Ways to Make Heart Ties With Your Children7 Ways to Make Heart Ties With Your Children
  • Loving Discipline – A Must  For MomsLoving Discipline – A Must For Moms
  • GRAND PRIZE COMING!!GRAND PRIZE COMING!!
  • Are You An Over-Reactive Mom?Are You An Over-Reactive Mom?
Short on Time? Read This Later! DOWNLOAD This Post as a PDF >> CLICK HERE <<
«
»

18 CommentsFiled Under: How to Win Your Child's Heart, Purposeful Parenting

Comments

  1. web hosting company says

    August 11, 2020 at 7:23 am

    Greetings! Very useful advice within this post! It’s the little changes which will make the
    most significant changes. Many thanks for sharing!

  2. best web hosting says

    August 11, 2020 at 6:42 am

    We are a bunch of volunteers and opening a brand new scheme in our community.
    Your website offered us with helpful information to work on. You’ve performed a formidable activity and our whole group shall be grateful to you.

  3. Kathie says

    April 3, 2020 at 7:25 pm

    Hi Hayley! I’m so glad the post was helpful to you. Thanks for sharing on your site!

  4. Hayley says

    April 1, 2020 at 8:24 am

    Hi Kathie,
    I just want to say a huge thanks for this article. I have found it very impacting and appreciate your writing. If its ok I have added a link to your page on my site https://keepitrealmum.com/2020/04/01/when-parenting-is-hard/
    God Bless
    Hayley

  5. Kathie says

    March 23, 2020 at 8:21 pm

    Hi Jodie! I would suggest having a sit down family meeting. Tell them you aren’t going to raise your voice – that they need to learn to listen and obey without that. Ask them to help you choose appropriate consequences for when they don’t. You may be surprised at what they come up with. But then stay calm and simply ask “What is the consequence for not listening? And administer it. I’d also suggest doing character lessons on obedience to show why they need to listen & obey, and also lessons on attentiveness.

  6. Jodie says

    March 22, 2020 at 4:26 am

    Hi
    May I ask what discipline we should use please , I try not to raise my voice but when they don’t listen to you , how do you deal with that with out being intimidating x

  7. Nicole Mouchka says

    March 22, 2019 at 8:57 am

    Oh, this is good stuff! There has to be a strong, close relationship with a whole lot of trust to be able to discipline effectively. As you said, you might see a temporary compliance, but just changing the behavior without shaping and molding the heart and character, there won’t be any lasting benefits. Thanks so much for sharing! (I’m going to link this to one of my parenting articles.)

  8. Kathie says

    October 18, 2018 at 9:35 pm

    Hi Lorelei! That’s a tough situation. I would first wonder where she has heard or is hearing about transgender/fluid gender? Then I would gently lead her to God’s Word. Remind her that He made us male & female, and she is fearfully & wonderfully made. God made her JUST the way she is for a reason, and she is precious in His sight. Wanting to do tomboy things doesn’t change the fact that she is a girl. Keep referring her back to the truth of the Bible, and above all PRAY for her!

  9. Lorelei says

    October 9, 2018 at 12:24 pm

    Hi Kathie, I need some help here. My 13 years old daughter says she is a transgender/fluid gender. What should I do? I was a tomboy myself. Certainly wished I was a boy back then. Is tomboy considered as transgender? Although we love her unconditionally, is it selfish to hope she comes to her senses? I mean it would definitely easier to accept if she’s 21 but I just thought considering her age, she may still need to be guided? Thanks heaps

  10. Kathie says

    July 18, 2018 at 12:05 pm

    It’s easy to get busy with “getting it all done” and fail to spend the time we should with our children, building a good relationship.

  11. Michele Morin says

    July 18, 2018 at 10:20 am

    Relationship is so crucial in parenting, and I almost missed that with all my task orientation. I’m so thankful for the ties that bind our family together!

  12. Kathie says

    June 2, 2018 at 8:03 pm

    Thanks Terria! Glad you liked the post. Yes – we may intimidate them into obedience, but it doesn’t reach their heart so the change is only temporary. Very good strategy to stop what you’re doing and do something with them!

  13. Terria says

    June 2, 2018 at 6:56 pm

    This is great advice! I agree so much that having a relationship with our children leads to better behavior and attitudes. Angry moms rarely get more than temporary obedience. So I sit down, play video games with them or paint nails- whatever it takes.

  14. Kathie says

    May 12, 2018 at 9:35 pm

    Mindy, I believe that making these mistakes could and often can cause us to lose the heart of our child. With an adult child there are a lot more variables than with younger kids or teens. I do believe though that you still need to invest in the relationship, and let them know you still love them even if they are making wrong choices.

  15. Kathie says

    May 10, 2018 at 11:02 pm

    Thank you Patty! The old saying is true: Rules without relationship breed rebellion.

  16. Mindy says

    May 10, 2018 at 9:40 pm

    Are these mistakes in the article about winning your child’s heart?
    Is it possible to do with an adult child that is just not happy because if many of her own choices

  17. Preeti kedia says

    May 3, 2018 at 6:13 am

    Mam I want to have met with u once.

  18. Patty says

    January 11, 2017 at 10:28 am

    Yes! Having worked with children for many years, I can affirm that these are all very valid points. There is something to be said of developing a deep, positive relationship before attempting to enforce tons of behavior standards. Thanks for sharing!

    God bless,
    Patty

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.

My name is Kathie, and I am glad you stopped by. I am a stay-at-home mom of 8 wonderful kids, and have been homeschooling for 31 years. I hope that my blog will be a blessing and encouragement to you! Read More…

  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Pinterest
  • RSS
  • Twitter
website security
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter

About Kathie Morrissey

My name is Kathie, and I am glad you stopped by. I am a stay-at-home mom of 8 wonderful kids, and have been homeschooling for 31 years. I hope that my blog will be a blessing and encouragement to you! Read More…

Amazon Affiliate Disclosure

This blog is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com.

Copyright © 2021 · The Character Corner
Privacy Policy | Disclosure Policy